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Thursday, March 12, 2015

Fantasy WrestleMania 31 Booking



Whoever wins, we all lose.

If you’re like me, then you are probably wondering how in the living hell can the ending of WrestleMania 31 go well.

On one hand, you have Roman Reigns. He is the 2015 Royal Rumble winner. He has also come under scrutiny for not being the man the fans want to see win it all. Damned as he tries, he’s not 100% ready for the chance to dance with the lights on bright.

On the other hand, you have BROCKKKKKKKK LESNARRRRRRRRR! Dramatization aside, he is literally a beast. A beast that the WWE may not be able to contain within its own confines. He’s a special attraction superstar who has quite the following with a manager whom eloquently speaks for him whenever he wants. Plus he has got UFC wanting him back.

So what do you do? What do you have to do to throw the fans a memorable swerve?
Use the monkey in the room, Seth Rollins!

Yep.

For one thing, the placated happy ending is too passé. Sure there have been endings with bad guys standing tall before, like Triple H in 2000 and The Miz in 2011.

At the same time, there’s been a happening, as Gorilla Monsoon would say, that has never happened on the grandest stage.

This is where Rollins comes in.

Despite the fact that it’s been 10 years since Money in the Bank had its inaugural match, not a single superstar cashed in their contract at WrestleMania.

Not one.

Which is why if it needs to be done, Rollins is the man to do so.

So without further ado, let me run you through how I would make this ending stick out. Therefore it would also create a back door for Lesnar if it just so happens that WWE isn’t in his game plan in the foreseeable future.



THE MATCH (starting at the end)



Lesnar had just hit Roman with the F5. Brock slowly goes over for the cover.

1-2-…

KICK OUT!

This crowd can’t believe it. Why can’t Roman lose? Or win? Or… well, that’s how undecided this crowd is.

Both men get up with Roman being able to go into a corner. Lesnar tries to do a shoulder tackle but eats some ring post.

Lesnar turns around only to eat a SPEAR!

Roman, who has been beaten up something fierce, slowly rolls into a cover.

1-2…

KICK OUT!

Roman’s eyes go wider than Big Show at a buffet table!

As both men get up, Brock hooks that right arm of Roman’s into a Kimura! Immediately Roman goes to the ropes, only to get hooked right back in the center of the ring.

After a while of fidgeting, Roman has to give in.

SUPERMAN TAPS! Brock owns his ass and the title once more!

Paul Heyman happily grabs the title and hands it to his client. Lesnar is unconquerable.

Or is he?

J+J Security (Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury) run down and jump Lesnar from behind. As soon as they do, Seth Rollins joins in on the fun.

Heyman goes from being shocked to having an evil grin on his face.

“FINISH HIM,” yells the walrus.

The trio assemble a table, then Lesnar, into the triple-team powerbomb and connect on it center of the ring.

Rollins, ever so cocky, hands in the briefcase.

Reigns has recovered enough to go at the security team. Only he gets triple-teamed as well.

Roman is forcibly handcuffed to the ropes as Rollins mocks him. The case is in, and the ref rings the bell!

Brock tries to get up but instead eats a CURB STOMP.

1-2…

KICKOUT!

WHAT?

Lesnar kicked out on sheer instinct here.

Brock tries to get up again but Rollins nails him one more time with the STOMP.

1-2-3!

Rollins is your new WWE World Heavyweight Champion!

The collective of Rollins, Mercury, Noble, and Heyman celebrate over the fallen Lesnar. Seems like a business deal fell through and another business deal got executed all at the same time!
All we know for certain from here is that a shoot by Heyman with Rollins standing tall is in the offing the next night on RAW.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Bad Booking’s Top 10 Elevating Moments of Steve Austin

(Author’s Note: Originally written in October of 2011. Some older references will be kept in here.)

What can be said about a man whose career has been summed up in so many ways?

Steve Williams, who was pretty much forced to change his name to Austin as to not conflict with “Dr. Death”, went up the ranks the “hard way” (that means territories kids), and earned respect en route to being the highest grossest superstar WWE has ever had.

Amongst his many DVDs, coming out November 29th will be the grand-daddy of them all. Entitled “Stone Cold Steve Austin: The Bottom Line of the Most Popular Superstar of All Time”, it’s a stacked deck featuring hours upon hours of rattlesnake-brewed goodness, topped off with a brand-new documentary that accounts for the man’s life. The DVD version is 4-discs, while a Blu-ray version has 3 with more hours of content not available on the DVD. Essentially, this a must-own for the holiday season and I can’t stress enough that WWE usually makes documentaries worthy of several re-watches.

That being said, I must note there were certain times in the WWE that shaped Austin into the man we all know as a legend and icon. It wasn’t all beer and/or Stunners you know. So here I am about to count them down, but in chronological order. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s the bottom line, because... (well you know)...

1. “AUSTIN 3:16 SAYS I JUST WHOOPED YOUR ASS!”, King of the Ring 1996

It’s elementary to put this on here. To newer fans, they may not get the full context of this ground-breaking moment.

Starting things off, it wasn’t even supposed to be Austin winning the whole shebang. As a matter of fact, the original winner penciled in was supposed to be Hunter Hearst Helmsley, but was scratched post-Curtain Call. HHH would win it the year later.

In a roundabout way, Austin’s career was about to be salvaged in a huge way.

Austin’s career was in purgatory for a while. Injuries later in his WCW career forced Bischoff to fire him. During his “rest period”, as in the time between WCW and WWE, he went to a little promotion. 

You might have heard of it. The promotion was ECW.

Between outrageous promos and good matches, Austin caught fire as perhaps of the most underrated/un-tapped talents in the wrestling world.

Ironically, this never caught on with WWE management originally.

After being hired, Steve was saddled with Ted DiBiase and coined the new Million Dollar Champion. As The Ringmaster, Austin had milquetoast matches supposedly showing off his technical skill.

After the Beware of Dog PPV, DiBiase left WWE to go to WCW leaving Austin on his own.

Through an inspirational tea session, Austin got his ‘Stone Cold’ moniker by complete accident as he was warned by his ex-wife to drink the tea before it got ‘Stone Cold’.

However, as the saying goes, “…and the rest is history!”

Stone Cold valiantly battled in the semi-finals and finals of the King of the Ring tournament. After the semi-final matchup with Marc Mero, Austin was forced to go to the hospital to receive stitches after a kick by the Wildman. With a somewhat disfigured mouth, Austin would then defeat Jake Roberts in the finals, and thus win the crown.

The promo that would proceed this was one the WWE would never let it’s fans forget. “Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16... Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!”

As a heel, this BY FAR got the biggest pop of the night. It signaled a wind of change in the WWE, as the Federation soon made a hot-selling t-shirt, and 3:16 would soon become legendary in the WWE. Amongst many other things.

2. “DON’T COUNT ME DOWN!” RAW, 10/28/96

Second half of video is where it’s at.

Bret Hart finally appeared on RAW after a six month sabbatical away from television (but not necessarily wrestling as he was booked on overseas tours). The first one to “greet” him so to speak was one Steve Austin.

After some time of taunting and “old man” jokes, it’s made official: Austin, Hart, Survivor Series.

Make no joke, their match at MSG is an underrated classic, as a later match at Wrestlemania would be more memorable and pretty much launch Austin into the stratosphere.

On the buildup however, Austin was launching into his darker side. Crushing Brian Pillman’s ankle on Superstars is one thing, but what he did here was disturbing and hilarious all at the same time.

Hart was at his home via satellite while Austin was in front of a camera either at the arena or WWE Studios, who knows. It sounded like a straight-forward interview until Austin starts flipping the shit.

Of course in production, it’s protocol to segue from one segment to another by giving the subjects at hand a proper countdown silently.

That’s the problem with Austin however: HE DICTATES THE COUNTDOWN!

He became so enraged that he threw a production assistant into a ladder, and smashed equipment on set! This Austin would be closer to 1998 Austin in destruction, but this is definitely a darker edge in the Rattlesnake character.

3. Austin Wins the Rumble (for the first time), Royal Rumble 1997

At this point in the history of the Rumble, only two men started inside the top ten and won the event.

One would be Ric Flair in 1992 from #3. Shawn Michaels started on the pole (I mean #1) in 1995 and won the 1996 Rumble as well.

So for a man like Austin whose credibility was being established, winning this event would be a massive deal.

However, he’s still very much a heel at this point and therefore there MUST be shenanigans afoot!

Oh yes, there will be shenanigans!

Starting fifth, Austin would be the man large and in charge for the duration of the event. Throwing man after man over the top, it seemed elementary Austin would win.

That was until Bret Hart showed up.

The two brawled, and before you know it, #30 would be out.

Now before you say well Austin won the Rumble, let me tell you he didn’t!

What happened was that Terry Funk and Mankind (Mick Foley) were fighting at the ringside area and it brought upon the attention of all the referees. In the confusion, Bret dumped Austin over, but since the refs never saw it, Austin went back in, and dumped Hart along with Vader and Undertaker to win the 1997 Rumble.

This would set the stage for the next moment, one that would literally make the Texas Rattlesnake.

4. A Picture Tells a Thousand Words, Wrestlemania 13 (1997)

To think, Bret should have faced Shawn in an Iron Man REMATCH from the year before for the WWE Championship!

That being said, I must say this match is one of the most influential matches of all time. Not just because it was one of the first ‘Manias I ever saw on tape, but because of the 30 minutes that literally could have been the show itself.

Since October, Bret and Austin have been at each other’s necks. The Monday before Wrestlemania didn’t make things better, as Austin interfered in the cage match, but Undertaker slammed the door in Hart’s face, thus letting Sid to retain the title and let the two big men go at it for the title on the grand stage.

Bret, in a fit of unparalleled rage, threw babyface announcer Vince McMahon down to the canvas and unleashed an uncensored foul tirade the likes one live television audience never saw before.

With both Austin and Hart on the teeter-totter of turning, Wrestlemania 13 undoubtedly was going to be remembered for the Submission Match, which was going to be referred by Ken Shamrock of UFC fame.

For the first 15 minutes or so, it was wild brawling in and out of the ring, but mostly out. On the outside, Bret threw Austin into the guardrail, and busted him wide open. As in, Bret had the blade and busted open Austin for the first time in Austin’s career. If anyone wants to challenge me on this, go read Bret’s autobiography, right here!

Blood was definitely not common in the WWE at the time, and I believe Hart had permission from Vince to get a little color. However, “little” became a “gusher”, as literally the arena would have somewhat of a new paint job courtesy of Austin’s crimson.

The ending saw Austin in the Sharpshooter from Hart, with blood STREAMING down. Close-up shots were particularly nasty as Austin would scream in agony with blood running down into his teeth!

After unsuccessfully trying to counter, Austin “passed out” from the blood loss and pain. Shamrock stopped the match and Hart was named the winner. Hart was pissed he couldn’t get the actual submission, and thus kicked at Austin again. Shamrock threw Hart away, and therefore Bret turned heel officially. Austin however wanted no help, kicked a referee down, and turned face. Definitely a milestone moment in WWE, as they did a double-turn not only successfully, but would ensure the world a new superstar in Austin.

5. Austin Destroys Bret’s Knee to “Obligacry”, RAW 4/21/97

aushar

Bret Hart is rolling with momentum. After a decidedly fresh heel turn in the wake of Wrestlemania 13, he was able to patch up the feuding brother/brother-in-law tag of Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith to form the Hart Foundation once again.

This will influence the main event of “Revenge of the Taker”. Bret and Austin faced off once again, but Austin would gain the duke after Hart’s cronies ran in. Austin would get the last laugh after slapping on Bret’s sharpshooter on Bret, and thus we have ourselves an evolution of a feud!

To start off this edition of RAW, it was announced that Austin, newly-turned face, would face Undertaker (ultra-mega-over-face) for the WWE Championship at the event “A Cold Day in Hell”. While Austin didn’t sidestep it, he also didn’t waste time to call Bret’s ass to the ring. As a matter of fact, he only gave Bret SIXTY SECONDS to come on down before the Rattlesnake would start to look for him.

Predictably the clock runs out, so Austin raises all sorts of hell trying to find him!

When Austin hits the ring again, Bret actually meets up with him. Hart was smart, and wasn’t truly alone. Davey Boy and Owen jumped him, but Austin wasn’t shaken. As a matter of fact, Austin had an unlikely ally...

SHAWN MICHAELS!

Michaels was battling a supposed knee injury that forced him out of WrestleMania. Though Shawn wouldn’t wrestle in this time frame, he would make sporadic appearances on RAW. Austin would take notes on this later.

After Shawn’s chair-wielding antics, Austin had Bret all alone. Austin used a chair to “soften” the knee of Hart, and then slapped on the Sharpshooter for a LONG time. Long enough where Bret had to be loaded into an ambulance post-beatdown!

Of course Bret’s ride wouldn’t be totally peaceful as Austin would jump Bret AGAIN!

Turns out in real life, Bret injured his knee in an overseas tour, and surgery was required. While Bret would have his surgery, he wouldn’t be off the television screens for long. In a wheelchair and/or crutches, Bret would still raise hell to Austin’s hell and would lead to an epic summer.

In addition, Brian Pillman would also get revenge on Austin. After a five month layoff, Brian returned at the conclusion of this episode of RAW to hand Austin his own ass on a platter. Pillman would shortly then join the Hart Foundation. Again, this would lead to an EPIC summer!

6. Austin “Stampedes” Into Calgary, Canadian Stampede 1997 

Remember the epic summer hinted in the prior entry? Well, this match was a culmination of sorts.

Manning the Foundation, we have Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart, “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith, and Brian Pillman.

Austin’s team consisted of the Redneck, Goldust, Ken Shamrock, and the Road Warriors Hawk & Animal.

With how the roles flip depending on what border you’re on, the crowd reactions stayed consistently insane.

Canada definitely led the way in terms of audience enjoyment. When the Hart Foundation came out, it was as if God himself came out.

On the other side of the coin when Austin came out, they disemboweled him like Satan. AUSTIN LOVED IT! Kind of akin to when Jim Ross says Mick Foley loves pain.

It was a tremendous brawl in the Saddledome. Ten men, no slowdown, and no let up from the paying audience.

At one point, Owen was “taken out” by Austin, and had to go to the back. Only for Owen to rollup Austin and win the match for his team and a boisterous Canada!

As the Harts celebrated, Austin stirred the shit with the patriarch Stu, matriarch Helen, and assorted siblings in the front row. With the action escalating to the ring, Canada’s finest (and no, not MOUNTIES) put Austin in handcuffs to haul his ass away.

But not before flipping the audience the bird up the ramp... IN HANDCUFFS!

8. BOTCH! Summerslam 1997

The title for this entry comes from this, one of the absolute funniest videos I’ve ever seen from a video game. Go check it out now!

With how the ‘Stampede’ ended, it was announced for Owen and Austin to compete for Owen’s Intercontinental Championship at Summerslam.

With that in mind, here we are for Summerslam 1997, the first PPV event held In New Jersey in quite some time. (Erm, erm, taxes and ballyhoo…)

Austin and Owen were in the penultimate match with only Bret and Undertaker left to go.

The action was fairly standard for it’s time. While Owen would be technically on the upswing, Austin would brawl out of it. Typical formula but a fine match nonetheless.

Then disaster struck.

Austin came off the ropes, and would then be picked up by Hart to be piledriven ala Undertaker. 

Only Owen landed on his ass instead of his knees.

While the immediate severity wasn’t disclosed, it was obvious Austin wasn’t selling in the middle of the ring. He was legit hurt, and very badly.

To kill some time, Owen played to the crowd and told them he was gonna finish him off. Austin though got on his knees long enough to make an awful-looking rollup to win the belt.

In the weeks following his injury, no one knew how severe Austin was hurt because he was always on TV contributing to the best of his ability. This next entry will prove that to its fullest, and bring the flagship RAW program one of its most controversial moments ever!

9. “OH GOD, AUSTIN’S STUNNED MCMAHON!” RAW 9/22/97

stunner

Even without this event taking place, this particular edition of RAW was going to be historic.

For the very first time, RAW emanated from Madison Square Garden, the mecca of WWE. As the arena was literally the home-base for so many years when WWE was a territory, it was surprising it took nearly five years for RAW to hit MSG.

When it did however, the show that happened was as Neil Patrick Harris would say, “Legend....wait for it.... DARY!”

Not only was the IC title tourney heating up (due to Austin’s injury/forfeit), there was also HBK’s issue with Undertaker and Bret Hart, in addition to Cactus Jack debuting in WWE (as opposed to Foley being Mankind previously) as he would defeat Triple H in a Falls Count Anywhere match.

EASTER EGG ALERT!

About halfway through the show, Austin was about to raise hell. Only problem was that Austin had a restraining order from Owen Hart, and you what that means!

Owen won a ‘grueling’ match. He would try to dedicate thw match to his loving brother Bret…

BUT HERE COMES AUSTIN!

Gorilla Monsoon would call this a Pearl Harbor job. Austin continued the attack until New York’s finest came in armed and ready. Vince McMahon got up from the table and needed to talk to Austin.

McMahon told Austin he understood that Austin was upset not being able to compete. While being on the program was fine, breaking the law was not.

As Austin told McMahon that he is appreciable that the Federation cares about his physical status, he tells him he can kiss his ass.

STUNNER!

At the time, Austin had Stunner’ed EVERYONE, including Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, so McMahon was inevitable. No less exciting to see it happen.

As McMahon lay quivering on the canvas, Austin willfully had the cuffs put on him with a somewhat-sinister laugh.

Jim Ross on a later DVD they tried making Austin a premier bad guy in the WWE, but the fans wouldn’t buy it. This was DEFINITELY formidable proof.

10. “TYSON AND AUSTIN!” RAW 1/19/98

The night after the Royal Rumble usually sets the tone for Wrestlemania. This particular year was no different.

With Steve Austin winning the Rumble for a second straight year and a pretty much crippled Shawn Michaels retaining the WWE title in a Casket Match against Undertaker, the clash for ‘Mania would be a blown-knee versus blown-back affair.

However, Vince wanted to spice up the proceedings even further.

Mike Tyson and his posse surrounded the ring, fresh off of appearing at the Rumble in a box suite, with Vince on the stick. As Vince announced who the special guest enforcer would be come Wrestlemania...

...GLASS SHATTERS

“This is Stone Cold’s ring,” a clearly-nasal sounding Jim Ross exclaimed. Austin walked and talked with a purpose down the aisle as he would run in and badmouth Tyson. After some sign language and more badmouthing, the two got into it.

And Jim Ross went neck-fat bat-shit crazy.

“TYSON’S GOT AUSTIN, AUSTIN’S GOT TYSON!”

With Vince yelling, “YOU RUINED IT,” Austin made his point known. For the lead-up to Wrestlemania, Tyson sided with DX. At the end of the main event where Austin won the title, Tyson revealed a 3:16 shirt to side with Rattlesnake. Two of the world’s toughest sons of bitches joining forces was never explained further, but if it was, WWE wouldn’t be a company anymore due to Tyson’s outlandish appearance fees. Hey, a man’s gotta pay forta fi for his hoes!

IN CONCLUSION: On the way to the stars, aka winning the title in 1998, Austin has some pretty awesome moments. While most of these are talked about, there were a couple I think might have been forgotten, like the Stampede and Hart’s knee ones.

Austin’s a man whose career reads like a good story, without most of the bitter side-effects most wrestlers endure. He’s won titles, respect, and more importantly, is the face of an era that could never be duplicated. For that, I salute him with a thumbs up on 3:16! ‘Cause I said so!

P.S: Do yourself a favor and download some of Austin’s podcasts! They’re funny, uncensored, and absolutely what you expect out of a rattlesnake!

(Post Updated: 4/27/2014)

 

 

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Update Post to Infinity and Beyond!

Direct from WWE’s YouTube page. Enjoy!

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

The last time I wrote an article, it was the SummerSlam countdown list that should have been concluded.

But wasn’t.

Quite frankly guys, it’s what happens when life gets in the way, and thus the reason I haven’t written anything in a damn long time.

Starting at the end of the summer, I embarked on a new schedule. I would be taking on work and school, and all the driving/working/learning/studying that went along with it. It meant my days started real early, and ended very late. So late I couldn’t even catch a glimpse of RAW, and barely anything of SMACKDOWN.

If it weren’t for my other family at the MARKS and the local Buffalo Wild Wings for the PPV’s, I would be 100% lost on the direction of the programming. Trust me though, I’m only 99% lost.

In my absence of writing anything, I do want to truly note that the traffic generated to this blog is astounding to me. I never had high aspirations or dreams for this blog yet I can’t fathom that as of this writing the 50K view mark is nearing.

Therefore I am going to write a new article or two while I am on a break from school. I’ve had the itch to do so but never had the time. Don’t expect my views on the current product because I literally have nothing to contribute. But what I can contribute is something I do best. Whether it be DVD or countdown related, it should be something you fine people will enjoy reading.

Thanks for viewing this blog and hope you read more articles in the future!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Top 15 SummerSlam Sizzlers Part Two!

ssposter

(To read part one, please click here.)

It will be here before you know it! WWE’s got their big annual summertime tradition coming up in the form of SummerSlam.

Since its inception, SummerSlam has generally been regarded as the second biggest PPV of WWE’s fiscal year. Storylines begin, climax, and end all during this time. In the background, strange one-off occurrences can also make their presences known. Some of these accentuating angles may not seem big at first, but time can definitely measure the staying power.

By this definition, a ‘sizzler’ could very well be a synonym for ‘attribute’. In this countdown, you will see major revelations, reveals, flashes, screwjobs, etcetera, that have made SummerSlam the hottest ticket for PPV subscribers since the inaugural event in 1988.

Without further ado, time to put the meat of the article on the grill and let it… sizzle.

_________________________________________________

Last we met you, here are the 15-11 choices:

15. WWE Got It’s Seventh Man Fit to be Tied- SummerSlam 2010 (aka: Daniel Bryan’s shocking return to the WWE after being fired.)

14. The Winds of Change- SummerSlam 2002 (aka: Brock Lesnar winning the Undisputed WWE Championship.)

13. Undertaker URNED That Turn!- SummerSlam 1996 (aka: Paul Bearer turns his back on his Undertaker to partake in Mankind.)

12. Goldberg Loses The Game- SummerSlam 2003 (aka: WWE swerves the masses by making a legitimately Jewish man lose to a man with an Iron Cross symbol in an Elimination Chamber. Sick irony I know.)

11. Liz Flashes Her Mega Bucks- SummerSlam 1988 (aka: At least the panties match the Mega Powers drapes!)

Now we continue with the countdown…

_________________________________________________

 

10. BOTCH-A-GREE! SummerSlam 2000

 

This is one of those rare times where a simple moment like what you are about to decipher can easily be depicted as foreshadowing. A rare misfire in the Attitude Era, but one that would leave small rippling ratings dips in its wake.

Before we get to that though, let’s analyze how the Olympic Hero and The Game got to this point.

First off, the match in question is a Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship. Triple H and Kurt Angle challenge The Rock for the gold.

Angle/Hunter collectively got the chance after pinning Chris Jericho in a triple threat. Both men got the chance, and both men despised the sentiment.

At one point, Hunter tries to teach Trish Stratus an abdominal stretch. You know, because men try to tap that fine ass as much as possible! In reality though, they were tagging together, and this looked perfectly “innocent”.

Then Steph walked in. She was absolutely enraged with her husband in that compromising position. As things sorted out, Steph wanted ‘space’.

In the meantime, that’s where Kurt comes in.

Kurt acts all lovey and affectionate towards Stephanie noting how there shouldn’t be a problem with them being friends.

Hunter disagreed mightily.

The two men bickered, and fought, and reconciled, then fought, and bickered, again, and again.

In the crossfire on SMACKDOWN one week, Steph went off the ring apron and into the steel steps! McMahon was knocked out, and was assisted back to the locker room by her husband Hunter.

Hunter left Steph in the care of medics as he went back out to help Kurt in the tag match they were in.

Only Kurt walked out on Hunter and went backstage.

A lying and prone McMahon-Helmsley, seemingly out of it. Angle said he cared for her, and then kissed her.

Yes, as in, one of those things you shouldn’t do with another man’s wife.

So then the main event hit. Angle hit the ring.

Then a pissed off Hunter.

Before the bell rung, they were off to the races already!

Both men spilled to the outside, were the Spanish announce table was torn apart by The Game.

Hunter hoisted Angle up. It’s prime-time Pedigree position on the table!

Hunter tries to jump…

…BUT THE DAMN TABLE COLLAPSES!

Both men fall in a heap, but Angle by far looks the worse for wear.

Hunter tries to grab the sledge…

IF YOU SMELLLLL blares over the intercom and the match gets underway.

Rock wins, but not before Hunter punches Steph, and Angle hammers Hunter. Rock takes Angle over the top while Hunter later eats a People’s Elbow for his troubles.

Now we get to the analytical part of this whole ordeal.

For the first time in quite some time, WWE had an inflated female audience seemingly drawn in with this angle. Quite frankly pro wrestling at times is like a testosterone-driven version of soap operas, however this angle definitely had its fair share of melodrama as well. 

Triple H looked like was going to turn babyface from the angle as the positive receptions he drew grew more and more with each passing event. In the storyline, Stephanie should have ended up with Kurt.

Only it didn’t happen.

Sure Kurt and Triple H had a good match at Unforgiven the following month, but the angle did not come to a satisfactory conclusion. Instead, it drew away viewers in droves. Not bad enough to where WCW had a flaming shot in hell to win the ‘Wars, but bad enough to where the company had a figurative shiner heading into the new year.

From what was understood, two things happened that prevented the angle from being that red hot. 1: Hunter didn’t want to turn. 2: Both Hunter and Stephanie, who were really starting to have a relationship in real life, didn’t want to be split apart on TV permanently. Yet.

Which is what I was trying to prove with this Pedigree gone wrong. Although the idea caught fire early, it just wasn’t meant to be.

 

9. Hogan Doesn’t Know Best!- SummerSlam 2005

 

We didn’t get 1995 Shawn Michaels in this match. Or even 2005 Shawn Michaels.

Instead, we got a man who was so pissed off with creative direction that he took it out on the man he was supposed to carry. A dream angle went totally awry, and all on ego.

Let’s start at the beginning shall we?

The kick-start to this summer feud started on the most patriotic of all days: July 4th. On RAW, Shawn and Hulk teamed up to face Kurt Angle and Carlito.

Like quite a few times before, Hogan hit the big boot. This time it was on Carlito.

Like quite a few times before, Hogan got the pin and win.

Like quite a few times before, Hogan and Michaels celebrated in jubilation!

Only this time, Hogan never saw the next part coming.

He got a Sweet Chin Music courtesy of Michaels and HBK (W)records!

RAW ended with Shawn leaving Hulk in a pile middle of the ring. Shawn stared down at the fallen Hogan with a disgusted look like it had to be done, no matter how many times he convinced himself it wasn’t a good idea.

The next week on RAW, someone who wanted to get an answer was ironically no other than one of Hogan’s old nemesis’ Roddy Piper!

Shawn stayed steadfast in silence during most of the interview. While Shawn did mention he superkicked Hogan so he can get him in the ring for a match, Piper thought it wasn’t good enough. Michaels had it, and therefore superkicked the Hot Rod!

The following week, HBK ended his classic promo with a spin-up of his own phrase: “Watcha gonna do… when the Heartbreak Kid doesn’t lay you for you!” A mixture of 1997 HBK with 4th-wall breaking Hogan antics.

Shawn’s mocking of Hogan’s politics didn’t end there.

One episode of RAW featured a take-off of Larry King cunningly titled Larry Bling. Bling’s guest is Hulk Hogan, but it’s Shawn Michaels DRESSED (down to the bald head and moustache) as Hogan!

“I DON’T WRESTLE THE SMALL TOWNS BROTHER!”

Amongst many other quotable quotables.

That segment, which featured more walls being broken than in a planned explosion, ended with HBH (Heartbreak Hogan) kicking Bling nearly out of his chair!

Then HBK fully undid the costume threatening Hogan about reality kicking him in the face, which was exactly what Shawn did to the camera!

Even that however couldn’t prepare the faithful for the segment to come.

August 15th in Montreal was a promo in infamy.

Shawn came out in suit/tie to first sing a little ditty: “OH CANADAAAA… I HATE THIS PLACE! OH CANADAAAA…. I’M GONNA KICK HULK HOGAN RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!!”

Later, Shawn also admitted that he hated Canada as much as they hated him. More importantly, he was gonna call Bret Hart out!

And nothing.

HBK admitted it was a ruse.

So then Hogan’s music came.

Rused again!

Shawn practically denounced Canada, and also warned Hogan he was thisclose to have his rear-end snuffed out like Bret Hart’s. Hogan later got jumped by Michaels in the main event when the Real America took on the Olympic Hero Kurt Angle.

So now we’re at SummerSlam from the nation’s capital, Washington D.C.

Shawn comes out like normal.

Hogan comes out with American flag donned in the background.

Yet right from the very beginning, something seems “off”.

Whenever Hogan did ANYTHING to Michaels, Shawn would proceed to oversell it like crazy.

 

This wasn’t my originally intended choice, but the video that was got yanked. Sorry kids :(

Did I say oversellous?

Sure Hogan would bleed and win the match, but it’s all elementary.

This feud (from what was reported) should have played out over several months. Shawn should have won at SummerSlam to kick it off. Hogan would then have a win at the next RAW PPV in Unforgiven. Then the next time the two would face off was going to be Survivor Series inside of a cage. Who the winner was going to be I don’t know, but the blow-off would have been at SurSer.

Essentially, Hogan didn’t want to lose to Michaels mainly because “he was too small”, brother.

Also the same reason why he didn’t want to lose the WWE Championship to Bret Hart at SummerSlam in 1993!

All the while, Michaels’ overselling is a spectacle you must go out of your way to see. It’s obvious that Shawn’s passion told a different story than what was originally supposed to be told.

Speaking of something that goes well with mommy’s milk

 

8. Alberto Del Rio Runs on Diesel Power- SummerSlam 2011

 

Money in the Bank has fast risen at a prestige event in the WWE. 2011 was a great example of why.

CM Punk, fresh off of one of the greatest promos cut in the history of professional wrestling, was challenging John Cena for the WWE Championship. In Punk’s hometown of Chicago! With the added stipulation that if Cena lost, HE WAS FIRED BY VINCE ALMIGHTY GOD MCMAHON HIMSELF!

Sadly, the Chicago crowd never did get to see those ice cream bars…

But in any event, that crowd witnessed a five-star classic.

Literally.

32 minutes and it never got boring, which is a testament to how well these two work together when given a proper platform!

While Punk got trapped in the STF, the corporate head honcho Vince McMahon came down with #1 ‘Yes-Man’ John Lauranitis. The purpose of this was for Vince to call for the bell while Punk was in the maneuver, thus ensuring the belt would stay in the WWE.

Cena, to his credit, bailed out the ring and punched Johnny Ace RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!

When Cena got back in, he received nothing more than a good ol’ fashioned GTS from Punk! And guess what?

 

Punk went into the sunset. With the WWE Championship plus an expired contract.

The next night on RAW, Vince was about to say his magic words to Cena until Triple H showed up.

The newly-appointed COO (Chief Operating Officer) told Vince that the Board of Directors voted ‘No Confidence’ in Vince’s decisions, and thus would terminate Vince from his daily duties in running the WWE. Triple H would take over in Vince’s spot, ensuring “level heads” would prevail.

Or so we think.

A WWE Championship tournament would dominate that week’s RAW and the one after it. Rey Mysterio, who was literally weeks away from surgery again, won the WWE title in a final match against The Miz.

Only the announcement was made that Mysterio would face Cena later in the evening for said belt.

Despite both men being the WWE for a decade by this point, this was one of the only times Mysterio/Cena met one-on-one. Cena predictably won the title again and celebrated.

To some unfamiliarly new music.

Some very awesome music performed by In Living Colour. No, not the television show that gave you such characters as Homie the Clown and Fire Marshall Bill.

No, the titantron was red and black with John F. Kennedy and Benito Mussolini as subjects literally interpreted from the song ‘Cult of Personality’.

Who shows up? While CM Punk of course. WITH THE WWE TITLE HE HAD FROM MONEY IN THE BANK!

So now we have two champions, two belts. At WrestleMania X, the ladder match. The bad guy,,,, TAKES ALL THE GOLD!

The conundrum for SummerSlam was set. Cena/Punk II for the WWE Championship. Only this time, COO HHH was in the house as referee to ensure a proper ending. Plus we got to see the match happen with bright lights, bigger city!

The match that followed was also really good. Maybe a slight step below MiTB, but still a great headliner event that easily was top five in best matches of the year from the WWE.

Cena was giving right-hands to Punk, but Punk ducked one of them into a roundhouse kick to the gut. A knee to the face on the ropes led to a GTS. Punk pinned Cena 1-2-3, although Cena’s leg was on the ropes.

Punk celebrated the win but as he came down from the ropes, he got mauled.

BY KEVIN NASH!

Nash beat the champ senseless, leading into a Jackknife powerbomb!

As Nash left, Alberto Del Rio showed up and cashed in Money in the Bank.

ADR picked the bones of Punk. Del Rio then gave an enziguri for the 1-2-3 and a title change!

Alberto celebrated his new found gold on the ramp as the show ended.

In the months ahead, Punk would battle Nash (before his quad pulled out again), Triple H (whom they fought each other at Night of Champions then teamed up at Vengeance), an unfounded conspiracy (with The Miz and R-Truth), and nearly being lost in the shuffle all due to this. Yet in the end, he beat ADR for the title at Survivor Series inside Madison Square Garden. Not bad for a guy who only months before wanted to leave WWE because of his frustration over the product!

7. As The Belt Turns- SummerSlam 1997

1997 WWE was a really, really crazy place.

For starters, we had an all-out North America War. The United States of America vs. Canada. Depending on which week it was, that was how those particular people were viewed, either good or bad. It made for some awesome atmospheres, especially with the Calgary Stampede PPV the previous month.

Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels were having a legitimately public feud transcending into kayfabe storylines. Many of the comments made in interviews turned out to have many meanings, leading to some chicanery that left a very real divide amongst the two men.

The WWE Champion, Undertaker, was amidst in storyline scandal himself. It was discovered that he had a long-lost brother, one who was believed to have perished in a house fire when they were children. Undertaker’s character had been covered in benevolence for years, but a dark shade of grey was exposed by former manager Paul Bearer.

Emotional abuse was starting to take it’s toll on the dead man. Add this in with two very combustible elements in ‘The Hitman’ and HBK, and SummerSlam literally meant its tagline “H(e)art and Soul”.

Shawn had left the company on a fluke weeks before. A backstage fight with Bret left Shawn hot and bothered. It’s also a testament that Vince thought so much of Shawn’s athletic talents that he let Shawn back in so quickly. Shawn’s duties for SummerSlam 1997 was that he was going to be the special referee for the WWE Championship match.

The question was whether Shawn was going to call it down the middle or not. If Shawn ref’ed the match with bias, his career in the US was over.

If Bret lost the match, straight-up that is, his US career was over. If Undertaker lost, well, he lost the title, but his career would be intact.

Many other names made their presences felt here, Multiple members of the Hart Foundation, along with Paul Bearer, made Undertaker suffer as much as they could.

But it wasn’t them who took down The Undertaker.

Bret Hart introduced a chair into the match, but it was whisked away. Shawn, on instinct, had the chair in his hand when he got spat on by Bret.

Shawn swung…

…and connected…

ON UNDERTAKER’S HEAD!

Bret made the cover, and Shawn did not like counting to 3 one bit. Bret’s the champ, which also meant HBK’s career was intact. Up until that point, Shawn was admittedly a very fair referee.

Off this match, Shawn would have feuds with Undertaker and Bret Hart, consecutively and concurrently.

Two of the most infamous matches in history happened after this. One being Hell in the Cell at Badd Blood, and the second being the title match in Montreal at the Survivor Series infamously dubbed, “The Montreal Screwjob”.

In reality, this was the beginning of the end for Bret’s active WWE career. Shortly after winning the title, Vince notified Bret that  his contract couldn’t be honored due to financial constraints. Bret was free to look elsewhere for work (i.e: WCW). ‘Screwjob’ was a result of Bret not willing to lose the title for Shawn…

…whom ironically was starting to see the twilight of that part his career. Shawn was starting to have physical problems that would later escalate to the infamous casket bump at the Royal Rumble. After losing the title to Steve Austin at WrestleMania XIV, Shawn would “retire” from active competition for a while. Sure he would be on TV every now and then as the commissioner, but it was obvious his best days were far behind them… or were they?

6. Feels Like the First Time (Because It Was)- SummerSlam 1991

Sure, anyone can win the Intercontinental Championship. Hell, I can probably win it Monday night on RAW.

However, in the year 2013, the IC belt has the prestige of a Ford Pinto before exploding.

Back in the early 1990’s, the IC belt was not only a very prestigious championship, but it was the stepping stone to the WWE Championship. In addition, the belt also meant you are a workhorse capable of working with anyone/everyone.

Bret Hart by this point was only cutting his teeth into a singles run. While he was primarily a singles competitor in organizations before WWE, it had been quite a few years since Hart had been fully on his “own” so to speak.

Bret, with Jim ‘Anvil’ Neidhart & Jimmy ‘Mouth of the South’ Hart, became The Hart Foundation in the latter half of the 1980s. This team, whether heel or face, was ‘the team’. In a booming tag ranks, these two were the balanced ticket flag bearers.

Like most great things though, they must come to an end.

After their loss to the Nasty Boys at WrestleMania VII, Neidhart and Hart amicably parted. In today’s WWE, a tag team after splitting would become a insta-feud, because one partner would inevitably turn on the other. In this case, fortunately, Bret & Jim went on to do their own biddings.

Unbeknownst to Bret, he was about to start riding the roller coaster to the top!

For SummerSlam 1991, Curt Henning was at a career crossroads. His back was in really bad shape, and while he was Intercontinental Champion, he was just about to hang it up.

Only if Curt was going to lose the title, he would need to lose it to someone he can trust.

Bret luckily for him was that guy.

Two second-generation wrestlers, both recognized of superseding their fathers, were about to clash in probably one of the finest WRESTLING matches in SummerSlam history. Stu and Larry must have been proud papas watching their sons perform their respective crafts at such a high level.

While I won’t go into too much detail about the match here, I can tell you this:

It’s good. It’s damn good!

For 1991, it was probably the best wrestling (and I mean as in the craft of wrestling) match in quite some time. Every now and then I regret not putting this match as my 1991 pick for best matches of the 1990’s (you can see what I did pick right here),

The most significant nugget of this part of the countdown is that it is literally the birth of Bret Hart’s legendary singles run.

Curt tapping out to the Sharpshooter the way he did definitely helped. Not only did Curt’s selling of the move look like death itself, but it allowed Bret to use that finisher as a unique weapon in a game where mostly high-impact slams were the norm. Must be noted that Curt’s back, as noted before, was in a really bad way, so that early tap may have been partial shoot too.

1991’s SummerSlam was one of the best in history. Not only did it make new stars, but the main event of that show was quite something else as well….

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Wow, we’re getting down to the top 5 here people! Any spoiler given on #1 would totally give it away, but I will supply some tasty teasers for the moments ahead.  There was a match made in(side) hell, and also in heaven. A massive turning point in the history of the WWE (cheap plug for that site), and a legend comes back to prove he still has more than plenty left in the tank! We’re on the Highway to Hell, all the way down to the bottomless depths of #1!

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