Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene Post

 

(Hurricane Advisory as of this post, in red.)

As you very well know, or may not because you’ve lived under a rock, there is a major hurricane battering it’s way onto the eastern seaboard of the United States.

The bitch in question is Irene.

Landing in the US on Thursday, the storm packed initial winds of 120+ mile per hour strength, and has caused havoc wherever it went.

This blogger lives in a portion of New York State where while it won’t be hit as bad as New York City or New Jersey, 60 mile per hour sustained winds are no laughing matter either.

As a matter of fact, 60 is the magic number for ALL major bridges/tunnels to be CLOSED in the state for sustained winds.

Ever since the coverage of the event started on Wednesday, unprecedented measures have been taken to ensure the safety of residents and buildings of the about-to-be affected areas.

While for some folks in the South where these massive storms are a way of life, NYC hasn’t been directly hit by a hurricane since 1938!

In a historic response to the sea-faring storm, Governors Andrew Cuomo and Chris Christie, of New York and New Jersey respectively, have both declared STATE OF EMERGENCY for their state. Usually relegated to major snowstorms, this is the first time in my lifetime this is happened for a rain equivalent.

Mayor Mike Bloomberg of NYC forced Zone A (aka, low level areas susceptible to flooding) residents, as well as hospitals and senior living centers in that area, to evacuate ASAP. Christie did the same thing for the people near the Jersey Shore and Atlantic City.

So to recap, essentially all hell is going to break loose either today (as this blog is published), or tomorrow depending on the locale. I know some people have already been directly hit by the storm.

I pray for them.

I know some friends who are living in Jersey or in New York City, and thus are forced to leave their homes.

I pray for them.

Worse yet, I have family who lives in NYC, Long Island, and well, scattered all over NYS for that matter.

No matter the severity, I’ll always pray for them.

Hopefully when I wake up Monday morning, nothing would have been lost and everything will return to normal. I know that goes the same for MILLIONS of people on the coast. With that in mind, be safe and take care of yourself, and each other.

Flickr Tags: hurricane,tropical storm,irene,national weather service,new york city,state,new jersey,northeast,carolina,north,south,weather,tropics

Great Moments in TV History: Chappelle’s Show

Clayton Bigsby: Blind, Black, White Supremacist

To further branch out what this blog offers, I am going through some shows of years gone by and posting some pretty damn epic moments.

In this inaugural edition, I’m going to discuss a segment that was featured in a first episode! Even though this show would have MANY more glass-shattering moments, this one is the thesis for what would redefine the word “controversial”.

For the uninitiated/people who didn’t bother to catch it during it’s original run, let me give you a low-down. Chappelle’s Show debuted on Comedy Central on January 22nd, 2003 to a surprisingly uproarious reaction.

To this point in time, only one show defined that network.

No, not that one. It’s about the four kids in the small Colorado town. It’s actually still on today!

Anyways, this show was inauspicious. It featured Dave Chappelle, a funny man who primarily has had small roles in many projects, doing sketches.

In the first episode, there was a car commercial with a “bleeper” (as in wardrobe malfunction of Mrs. Tits McGee), a infomercial for Pop Copy (a crappy computer store, quite literally), Nat King Cole’s Christmas Album, and the home stenographer used to record conversations “conveniently”. So far so good, this show has promise.

However, the sketch about to come up next would shake up the whole universe as we know it, and re-write the rules of racial humor. This, my friends, is the tale of a bigot whose a photo negative of what he believes in.

For the rest of the review, I’m posting these two screen caps as a warning.

That’s a first shot. If you don’t like politically incorrect language or are easily offended by it, turn back now because it will NOT get any better!

Hosted by Kent Wallace (that’s how he signed off as), it’s primarily a news show akin to Nightline and 60 Minutes.

The main story just so happens to be a man by the name of Clayton Bigsby. A hermit of a man whose racial rhetoric is infamous, he’s an author whose books have combined a total rake of 600K+ sales.

When faced with the task of actually getting to the locale of said Mr. Bigsby, Wallace encounters a not-so-friendly town with lots of racial tension and beautiful scenery.

Accompanied with a white wife of similar visual disability...

...Bigsby is rocking in a chair on his front porch. Wallace is bewildered at the sight of how a blind black man could be a white supremacist of the highest order.

Like any good reporter, Wallace must get down to how the belief system started, so he goes to the “home” where Bigsby was raised.

At the Wexler Home for the Blind, Wallace interviews the head mistress Bridgett. Her motive was that it would be easier to tell Clayton and all the other kids that Clayton is white.

One of these things just doesn’t belong here...

Meanwhile, back near the bayou, Clayton clarifies that SIX books were written but only FOUR were published. When asked about the purpose of his works, Clayton comes up with how all the other races (like Chinese people and Arabs) STINK! In conjunction with this, Wallace asks Bigsby about his beliefs on African American people. Bigsby responds with various stereotypes, up to and including having big butts and “...breathing all the white man’s air.” Unlike some other sketches later in the series, I don’t think the audience reaction was piped in!

Apparently this rant takes so long, the camera crew has to film the two men walking on a bridge! Clayton ends this part of the interview with a twistingly uncomfortable anecdote about a friend from years gone by. “IF ANYONE’S GONNA HAVE SEX WITH MY SISTER, IT’S GONNA BE ME!”

Allowing the audience to breathe, Wallace and Bigsby get into a alabaster-style pickup truck and go on to a gas station en route to a rally.

Jasper, one of Bigsby’s dearest friends, explains to Wallace that he couldn’t tell Bigsby he’s black because he’s too important to the movement (alas, there’d be one less nigger around). While overwhelmed at the irony, Kent notices Clayton’s in trouble.

Some rednecks are making fun of Bigsby and his “race”. In a reversal of fortune, Clayton yells to “GET THAT NIGGER” while he’s somehow able to leave unscathed. “WHITE POWER!”

This “confusion” doesn’t end there. Two wiggers in a Mustang are playing hip hop way too loud, and Bigsby lets them know it by calling them niggers. The reaction by the crackers?

He called us niggers? AWESOME!

At the rally, I mean “book signing”...

(typical Southern racist crowd)

...Bigsby is given a God-like entrance. Complete with KKK getup, Bigsby has important things to say. However, members of the audience are calling for the man to reveal himself. So Bigsby obliges though Jasper knows full well what could happen.

A shockwave goes through the audience worse than a earthquake in a third-world country.

This poor lady is corpsing! Send for the man! That’s much better!

The shock was so great, a guy’s head EXPLODED like dynamite in a haystack.

Blood spread so far that splats were featured on the bigot’s books.

Wallace ends the portion of the show by saying that the reputation of Bigsby has been irrevocably harmed, although his physical presence wasn’t. While it was acknowledged that Bigsby has come to grips that he is a black man, he divorced his wife of 19 years because she’s a “nigger lover”. If that is not a punch-line, then I don’t know what is!

If anyone wants to know who Trent Lott is, just click on his hyperlinked name.

IN CONCLUSION:  For any series, their first episode should provide a glimpse of what their show promises to be.

In this one sketch, Dave Chappelle managed to turn comedy as we knew it on it’s head.

While more segments from this series will be featured, it is important to note that this landmark show only lasted two whole seasons with a bastardized third. In a short time, no other show has as much a cultural impact as this one did. Hopefully, this sketch outlined the reason why.

“I’M RICH BE-YOTCH!”

Flickr Tags: dave chappelle,chappelle's show,comedy central,south park,kent wallace,frontline,black,white,supremacist,television,cable,blog,bbb

Bad Booking’s “Dream” Match: D-Generation X vs. Brothers of Destruction

We all know what happened at WrestleMania 26. In the biggest rematch of all time (it seems), Shawn Michaels tried to defy destiny as he went up against Undertaker one more time. Of course if Shawn lost, then good bye Showstopper.

Again, we all know what happened at WrestleMania 26. Shawn lost, retired in an emotional and heartfelt promo, and has only come back for the sporadic appearance.

While it was another classic battle, I can’t help but feel WWE really dropped the ball. We’re in an era now where with two two-hour programs and pay-per-views filling up time, there’s little room for the dream matches we all desire.

That’s why I’m sharing this with you today.

With the tag team championships meaning zilch, it would be behoove to the WWE give the belts a match also designed to help bring credibility back to the gold.

So with little ado, here we go!

BUILDUP: I’m not going into week by week detail, but I will give some highlights.

With the confrontation between Triple H and Kane backstage at the Royal Rumble, it seems as if a future match would be indelible.

Skip ahead to the Elimination Chamber event. After weeks of put-downs, bitch-outs and rejections, Shawn goes to the wayside and superkicks Undertaker out of the World Heavyweight Championship.

Shawn challenges Undertaker to another match the next night on Raw. Instead, Undertaker says he has another idea.

While it would be great to get his meaty hands around the scrawny little neck of Shawn’s, it’d also be great to rid Shawn of gold he possesses. Of course, that title would be the Unified Tag Team Championship with Triple H as his duo in crime.

Shawn has second thoughts, but before he can come up with an answer, the lights flicker back and forth which feature KANE to chokeslam Michaels right into the mat! Triple H tries to rush on down, but the lights go in and out again, and the D-X duo are the only ones in the ring!

The next week on Raw, the Chairman of the Board Vince McMahon comes out to announce some of the bigger matches for Wrestlemania. One of them would be in fact a Unified Tag Team Championship battle between D-Generation X and the Brothers of Destruction. There’ll be no disqualifications, no count-outs, no excuses. In a twist, the losing team will be FIRED!

In perhaps the only segment you’ll ever see Undertaker and Kane attempt to do comedy, they do a “darker” variation of a D-X sketch. Undertaker notes to Kane that at Wrestlemania, they’ll bury two punks who don’t know how to properly bury anyone. If they’re not down with that, then they got three words for them, “REST IN PEACE!” ‘Taker and Kane proceed to do the crotch chop, and straight out of 1999, burn up the symbol!

This angle wouldn’t be without the interferences from all sides. To singles and the occasional multi-tag match, blows have come to blows with both men on both teams. Wrestlemania cannot come soon enough!

ENTRANCES: For a big arena in a big city, both teams in the main event slot deserve the best looking entrances possible.

D-X’s entrance was somewhat mundane. Killing a little time, they high-fived fans down the ramp and around the ringside. No less popular than they were before, pyro and ballyhoo ensue as the original members of DX await their opponents.

The whole University of Phoenix Stadium goes BLACK. Only one voice is heard.

“OH YES!”

Paul Bearer, for the first time in Wrestlemania history, accompanies his son of a monster duo down the aisle way to Undertaker’s music, druids, and fire pyro. Over 70,000 fans, who had seen quite a stacked card already, dug down deep and marked out like little kids over the battle they were about to witness.

Undertaker takes off his hat, and the pyro off the turnbuckles explode as the eyes of the dead man roll back slow. A creepy aside to a dark angle already. It should be noted that Paul does not make a interference in this match, he actually just yells out when the moment calls for it.

Meek little Justin Roberts does the announcing duties as both teams are introduced. Kane & Undertaker are the challengers while Shawn Michaels & Triple H are the Unified WWE Tag Team Champions!

Apparently this match was so big, WWE was able to lure Jim Ross to a big payday just to call this one. Wrestlenewz.com rumors that Ross was paid in the 100K mark for the duty.

THE MATCH: At their corner, a rock-paper-scissors game dictates Shawn Michaels starts the match, while Undertaker starts out for his team.

A collar-and-elbow tie up begin the proceedings, with Undertaker immediately taking charge. He beats Shawn around the ring like a rag doll for a little bit. This includes a few whips, and a massive big boot which Shawn is able to sell like death itself!

However, Shawn is thrown into his corner, and Hunter makes the blind tag. Immediately, Hunter is almost choke-slammed, but Shawn is able to chopblock the left knee and the dead man is down!

Early, Hunter gets the advantage with working over the left leg. So successful, Hunter slaps on the Scorpion Death Lock for good measure!

Kane however makes the save and Hunter breaks the hold. As the younger brother is back to the post, ‘Taker makes the tag and now Triple H has to deal with the big red machine!

Some thunderous clothesline take down The Game, as well as a Irish-whip leading into a big boot! A suplex high and tight makes H writhe in pain off the impact.

With H now in a headlock, it seems as if a little bit of stalling may begin. After a minute of struggle, Triple H elbows Kane in the gut out of the maneuver, only to hit with yet another viscous clothesline!

Triple H is down while Kane, with a scary-looking smile, goes to the outside to retrieve a chair! Kane retrieves the chair from the ringside area, but Shawn gets Kane from behind on a sleeper hold!

Kane is able to throw down Michaels on the Spanish Announce Table, which doesn’t break, and then gets hit with a 2K fine as Michaels receives a tattoo on his head courtesy of a chair!

With Michaels out of the equation, Kane is thinking sordid thoughts. As he throws the chair into the ring, Kane hops onto the apron. only to receive a chopblock of his own by Michaels!

A surprisingly bloody mess, Michaels whips Kane into the ring post on the outside. Kane is then rolled back into the ring where Triple H crawls to a cover only to receive a 2!

Kane tags out to Undertaker as now the dead man does body punches to the King of Kings. Following that, Undertaker throws up Triple H for snake-eyes, then the big boot to the face! A leg drop leads to a near pin, but  a bloody HBK breaks up the three count.

Undertaker and Kane then throw out Shawn and Triple H in STEREO! Both men are thinking of high flying, but only one can really do it. So silently, Kane motions for the fans to VOTE! Kane goes to the ropes for his clothesline, and gets a small pop. Undertaker does a small charge for the leap, and gets a HUGE pop. The leap wins, and Undertaker winds up for it!

Going 338 miles an hour, ‘Taker hustles over the top and takes out D-X! The crowd chants “HOLY SHIT” as Jim Ross tries to announce the carnage.

Kane throws Triple H back in as ‘Taker does the same for Michaels. In an instant, the members of D-X are in desperation offense mode! Both brothers go down in a heap as well over 10 punches were exchanged.

Triple H, still the legal man, drags Kane up. Put into a headlock, but then was reversed into a suplex! Both men are down again, and Undertaker starts storming the ring apron like a mad man dowsing himself with water! Yes, the same thing at the house shows, he does at Wrestlemania!

Both teams have the crowd at a fevered pitch as Shawn has his hand out (with very little blood left) as well as ‘Taker. Simultaneous hot tags, and Undertaker goes to school on Michaels! HIGH IMPACT, HIGH IMPACT, AND MORE HIGH IMPACT!

‘Taker even does the Old School!

Setting up for a chokeslam, H chokes ‘Taker back in the corner. Shawn kips up, hits the elbow on a weak ‘Taker, and then tunes up the band!

Going for the superkick, Shawn’s move gets side-stepped into a DDT! Undertaker goes for the cover and gets a 2!

Kane tries to come in to chokeslam Michaels, but gets cut off, and suffers a DOUBLE DDT by Michaels and Triple H! It was done so swiftly that Kane rolled out of the ring!

As Undertaker gets up, he punches his way out of a hole, as he is then able to make both D-X members bash their heads together! This inadvertently busts Triple H open, as he still has enough whereto to give a low blow to the dead man!

Placing him in the corner closest to the announce tables, Triple H does the mounted punches, only to be given a Last Ride!

Both men are down, and the crowd is buzzing. For what team I don’t know, there isn’t a partisan to be had.

Soon enough, Undertaker gets on his feet, only to be superkicked out of nowhere by HBK, then turned around into a Pedigree by Triple H!

The crowd is hushed. Everyone, including Kane on the outside who might have suffered a concussion, is down.

In the shadows, Triple H slowly crawls for...

1..

2..

I need a distraction, so ladies and gentlemen, here’s Mr. Conway Twitty!

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

 

NO!

Undertaker barely kicks out of the impossible. Another pin attempt, and ‘Taker rises! The cheers are DEAFENING!

Shawn and Triple H are beaten without mercy at this point, and receive a double chokeslam!

Meanwhile, Kane gets back in the ring and shares a hearty laugh with his brother. They know what they’re gonna do!

‘Taker gets Shawn and Hunter is Kane’s bitch. Simultaneous Tombstone Piledrivers put the duo down! 1-2-3!

Winners and NEW Unified Tag Team Champions: Kane & Undertaker!

As the lights go purple/red with a 18-0 symbol flash, Paul Bearer celebrates with his boys as they are now champs once again.

Meanwhile, Triple H and Shawn Michaels release its time to hang it up. A solid handshake by all four combatants seal the deal as the BOD leaves, and DX gets “THANK YOU DX” chants.

The show ends on somewhat of a somber note, but at least it was a main event worthy of the card it belonged on. Shawn and Hunter made an emotional in-ring promo the next night, and that puts a rap to both of the men’s in-ring careers.

Flickr Tags: wwe,wwf,shawn michaels,triple h,dx,undertaker,kane,bod,wrestlemania,wrestling,blog,bbb,retirement,tag team

 

 

 

BBB’s WWE Column #5

Top 10 (or so) Greatest WWE Moments Since I’ve Started Watching

In conjunction with the list from Girls Watch Wrestling, and the new DVD/Blu-ray release The 50 Most Shocking, Surprising, Amazing Moments in WWE History, I’ve brought about myself to make a list of my own.

With a twist!

You see, I’ve been watching since 2002 (July 22nd to be exact), and while I missed the Attitude Era, there’s still a lot of good stuff to be had.

Ranging from the emotional retirements to the Raw is Anarchy from 2008 (and beyond), this list will hopefully feature a little bit of everything and most of the major players. Some people are going to be overlooked, and I’ll feel horrible enough to make a second list. You watch.

In any event, this is how the list will work: Unlike most lists where it’s chronological order on my part, it will be a proper top ten with more important moments closer to the top.

For nine years, there have been great moments witnessed with my own eyes, and now there’s a countdown designed to harness the power. Without further ado, HERE WE GOOOOOOO!

10. Ron Simmons Returns, Raw, October 23rd, 2006

The main event shaping up for the 2006 Cyber Sunday PPV event was intriguing. For the first (and last) time, the three world champions would all do battle in an epic triple threat match. John Cena (WWE Champion), King Booker (World Heavyweight Champion), and Big Show (ECW Champion) were all scheduled to do battle with the stipulation of whose title will be on the line.

In your normal promo slot to lead off the show, Cena (the lone face in the angle) likens the Big Show to a cream puff (or something to that extent). With some research from Online World of Wrestling, apparently King Booker called Kevin Federline’s new album a “treasure”, and thus has lost his status as a black man.

As Cena stands on the ramp, a figure from years past is coming into view. Cena looks surprised, while Booker has the face of he just saw a man taking a literal shit on stage.

The man turns out to be Ron Simmons, called with downright surprise by Jim Ross. Ron takes the mic, and all he says is a loud and boisterous, “DAMN!”

Chicago erupts with laughter and applause as the man once known as Farooq walks backstage. At that point, an indelible footprint has been left on Raw history.

It’s a start really, as Ron would appear on WWE television for the next several years popping in at the most opportune times to say his magic phrase. Fans NEVER got tired of this, as a well-placed DAMN goes a long way. As a matter of fact, I’ve leave you a compilation of them:

DAMN!

9. Shawn Michaels superkicks Shelton Benjamin into “obligacry”, Raw, May 2nd, 2005 .

I’ve actually written a full-match review on The History of WWE. You can view that here.

If you want a Cliffnotes version, then read on!

The night after Backlash, Eric Bischoff announces there will be a new tournament going on. While it’s an eight-man tournament to determine the #1 contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, there is a catch. Four men are listed as entrants, but don’t know who they will face at all.

Shelton Benjamin’s facial expression tells the story as his “secret opponent” would be none other than Shawn Michaels, who was hot off the heels from a major tag win the night before with Hulk Hogan.

A very solid match, the two traded momentum the whole way through. There was never a dull moment, and the paying audience let you know that first hand!

As the finishing sequence, Shelton runs to the top rope to do a leap onto a then-fallen HBK. With a great dash of speed, Shelton springboards off the rope, only to be met with the damnedest Sweet Chin Music this side of the Hudson River. Shawn wins, advances, and Shelton got temporarily elevated for this great contest.  

WWEFanNation video of the affair. Pretty darn good recap!

8. Kurt Angle wins the World Heavyweight Championship, Smackdown, January 13th, 2006.

Sometimes, opportunities are found in the unlikeliest of places.

Case in point, this particular episode of Smackdown emanating from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

“The man” for over eight months, Batista looked to be on the top of his game. Unfortunately, a bicep injury during a live event forced the big guy to relinquish what he held so dearly, and that was the World Heavyweight Championship.

After an emotional promo by The Animal, Theodore Long announced that the newly held-up title would be won by the winner of a 20-Man Battle Royal. 

It was then match time, and 19 of the best Smackdown superstars were in the ring with the lights on bright! Men like JBL, Rey Mysterio, Mark Henry, amongst others looked to be in good shape to win.

Until some familiar entrance music hit.

As the #20 man to hit the ring accompanied by very-much heel manager Daivari, Raw’s Kurt Angle was much beloved by his hometown base. Suddenly, the game changed BIG TIME.

After the elimination of Rey Mysterio, it was down to the big Henry and the smaller Angle. Earlier in the match, Angle was driven through a table by Henry, and it looked like the Olympic Hero wouldn’t win or so we think.

Using tricks learned by Chris Benoit, Angle used agility and leverage to pull the big guy over the top, and a Raw wrestler is now World Heavyweight Champion for Smackdown!

Henry goes for a ride to the floor!

The next week for Angle on Raw, he was defeated by Shawn Michaels to put their long-running feud to rest, and to complete the full face turn, Daivari was fired! Now a full-time Smackdown champ, Angle would have a topsy-turvy 2006, complete with jump to TNA by the end of it!

7a. Shawn Michaels trolls Montreal, Raw, August 15th, 2005

This is my favorite promo cut by anyone ever. The challenge post proves it!

In 2005 WWE, Shawn Michaels was in a “halo” position on the roster. One of the greatest of all-time and seemingly untouchable, he was essentially in a league of his own.

Enter in Hulk Hogan.

Tag partners for months, it seemed as if Shawn had no problem tagging with the coattails of the Immortal one.

Earlier that summer, Michaels proved the world wrong by surprising Hogan with a big kick to the chops. Friends they’d be no more.

While Hogan was away during most of the time, Michaels took it upon himself to make some of the best promo work he’s ever done. For instance, look at Larry Bling:

“OOh, I’m a really nice guy!”

As the proverbial icing on the cake, Raw’s last stop before Summerslam was in Montreal. If you may remember, a certain little thing called “The Montreal Screwjob” occurred. If you didn’t know, then the crowd could easily fill you in.

Long story short, it was about as epic as a promo could be. Filling up some 15 minutes of air time, Shawn offended Hulk, Bret, Canada, and essentially the whole WWE by his remarks. Nonetheless, Shawn’s work is what makes WWE AMAZING to watch, spontaneous and courageous.

7b. Shawn and Bret FINALLY bury the hatchet, Raw, January 4th, 2010.

January 4th, 2010 was a surreal night for even the most diehard of wrestling fans.

For the eleven-year anniversary known as the night that turned the tide of the Monday Night Wars to the WWE side for good, both TNA and WWE pulled out all stops to make their shows the more “must see”.

On the TNA side, you had the first ever Monday IMPACT. Complete with a cage match (with no decision) to start, followed by debuts of Jeff Hardy, Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and HULK HOGAN! A momentous night on paper, in reality only resulted a 1.5 rating, which hasn’t been touched before or since.

On the WWE side, they offered the return of one Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart.

As seen from part ‘A’, Bret left the WWE in 1997 to explore greener pastures, but not before enduring the biggest double-cross in history. It was an event that left such bad feelings, that Bret refused to do any business with WWE for YEARS. It took until 2005 to start making amends, with the making of Hart’s DVD set.

2010 dawned, and Bret finally manned up so to speak to appear on Raw.

13+ years in the making peeps!

After talking about his injustices and life experiences, Shawn Michaels comes down to the ring. Though it looks really uneasy, the two in very simple terms have buried the hatchet. An embrace sealed the deal, and fans all over the world were overjoyed by the happenings. Since then, the two have embarked on a new journey: putting their whole deal on DVD/Blu-ray. At the time of writing, it’s coming out soon (October 25th to be exact), and it can be PRE-ORDERED (or ordered) HERE. Keep in mind the Blu-ray version is the only one with the actual Survivor Series 1997 match featured.

6. Undertaker sends Edge to Hell! Summerslam 2008 (August 17th, 2008)

What starts inside Hell in the Cell, must END inside Hell in the Cell!

The start was at Survivor Series 2007. Batista faced off against the dead man for what should have been the final time inside the demon’s device of disaster, Hell in the Cell. After Undertaker hit a nasty looking Tombstone on STEEL STEPS, Edge popped up from under the ring and screwed up the proceedings. Undertaker was roughed up enough for Bats to get the pin.

Of course, this led to a three-way at Armageddon. Using two decoys, Edge was able to secure pinfall and thus win the World Heavyweight Championship once again.

Accelerate to Wrestlemania XXIV, when Undertaker is #1 contender. Fighting off La Familia (which included Edge, Vickie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, and the two decoys of Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins), the phenom was able to secure the WHC for the second consecutive year at ‘Mania.

Months of shenanigans ensued. While ‘Taker retained at Backlash, Vickie was furious about the dead man’s special submission, Hell’s Gate. Drunk of power, Vickie banned the move. Which didn’t stop ‘Taker from using it, and thus was stripped of the title.

Judgment Day saw Undertaker win the title match, but since it was by count-out, the title was not won. This led to a brutal TLC (Tables, Ladders, Chairs) match, which since Undertaker lost, he must “retire”. How Edge lost the title will be covered on later in the countdown.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, not everything seemed so peachy.

During the summer, it was revealed that Edge was cheating on Vickie. A woman scorned, Vickie did the impossible: reinstated Undertaker for Summerslam, and placed her “husband” inside Hell in the Cell!

Crazy psycho Edge. Great times!

The match, while good, resembled a TLC match which just so happened to be inside the Cell. Not complaining too much, but I thought the Cell should have been used more and the weapons a little less. It also didn’t help that WWE’s new policy on blood completely side-stepped the purpose of the Cell, but that’s another story for another time.

Anyways, ‘Taker dropped Edge on his head, and we have a winner!

Or so we think?

Undertaker proceeded to get TWO ladders! In the process, Edge was placed on one and Undertaker was on another. A vicious chokeslam sent Edge to a figurative resting place, full of fire and intrigue.

Sadly just the chokeslam, but the moment was sheer epic!

While Edge would return in November to win the WWE Championship, the night where he went to Hell will always be remembered in a lot of fans’ minds.

5. Edge suddenly retires. Raw & Smackdown, April 11th & 15th 2011.

In probably the weirdest introduction to a slot on a countdown yet, I reference Dawn Marie from the Rise and Fall of ECW DVD. She mentions near the end of the promotion that you should appreciate what you have today because it might not be here tomorrow.

Thus the segue-way to Edge’s good-bye on probably one of the more emotional weeks of WWE programming in quite sometime.

Unlike Shawn Michaels or Ric Flair, both men who are certified legends with winding down careers, Edge was a guy whose career seemed like it was just beginning. Sure he was already littered with gold, and was at the time the current World Heavyweight Champion, fresh off a defense against Royal Rumble winner Alberto Del Rio.

Yet on April 11th, the shock came to pass.

With absolutely no mention of anything during the broadcast up to that point, Edge’s music pops and he comes down to the ring for what seems to be a standard procedure promo piece.

Instead, he comes all choked up and is literally at a loss for words. He immediately apologizes to the crowd because he “might” go on a ramble or two. Guess what guys, he’s about to shoot! And no, not on Lita!

Spinal stenosis, it’s one hell of an injury! Just ask Steve Austin!

In the days leading up to this, it seems as if Edge had little to no feeling in his arms and legs. Strength tests revealed that a neck injury from years before had finally caught up to him, spinal stenosis was the name of the game. On doctors’ recommendations and being smart enough to realize it, Edge decided to step away while on top and very much relevant.

Sadly, the US markets didn’t get the extended ending with the locker-room (and Triple H) coming out to say their goodbyes.

This is really significant, and probably more than we will imagine for the time being. It's rare to have a sports-entertainer on the caliber of Edge. It’s even rarer to see a man of that caliber retire on top, and STILL AS CHAMPION! I’m sure that while the man didn’t do it on his own terms, he must feel quite satisfied about his career. For that in and of itself, that’s good enough for me.

4. The Debut of The Nexus, Raw, June 7th, 2010

 This three-hour Raw really sucks.

The show has dragged on and on! CM Punk and John Cena main event isn’t the pits, but it’s not too good either.

Wait, hold up. Wade Barrett is on the ramp, and there’s guys coming up from the audience. That’s not supposed to happen!

They’re beating the hell out of Cena! That was DEFINITELY not supposed to happen!

Of all the shocking moments WWE has produced, very few have had the initial shock value that this debut did.

For the short-term memory peeps of the group, here’s a low-down: ECW, the third-string and not very loved third brand of WWE, was “put out to pasture” so to speak. Vince McMahon told the world, shortly after the the announcement of ECW’s demise, that a new show was going to take place that would change up the landscape of WWE.

The program would be NXT. In a nutshell, it was the talent from FCW coming up to live television to ply their craft. Or so we think.

Teamed up with a pro, the rookies would have to go through matches and challenges to prove their mettle. With some audience participation, eliminations would occur regularly, and one man was left standing.

After three months of “the grind”, Wade Barrett (w/ Chris Jericho as mentor) won the season and thus earned a spot on the WWE roster. Also, he was guaranteed a title shot, though there was no mention on what title that would be.

Ah, so who are the other people “affiliated” with this rag-tag group?

• Wade Barrett, already mentioned, was the winner of NXT 1. He would lead the Nexus to their battlegrounds. With British background and swagger to match, this relatively green big guy looks to make an impact.
• Daniel Bryan. Known better by his “world” name Bryan “the American Dragon” Danielson (his actual name), he only went to FCW to learn “WWE Style”. Inexplicably paired with The Miz, he always outshined the mentor even when he wasn’t trying.
• Heath Slater: The red-haired “girl from Wendy’s”, kind of bland and nothing much to note. Paired with Christian, and seemed to take a little influence from him.
• Justin Gabriel: Hailing from South Africa, he teamed with Heath in tag battles. Namely known for his 450 splash. Teamed with Matt Hardy, and seemed to look up to him as well.
• David Otunga: Probably the weakest of the bunch when it comes to actual in-ring prowess, has somewhat passable mic skills and is the husband to worldly-known Jennifer Hudson. He was paired with R-Truth, and never really got along.
• Darren Young: The black guy who looks A LOT like John Cena. But I digress. He was teamed up with CM Punk during the Straight Edge Society days, and his look didn’t go over well with his mentor.
• Skip Sheffield: The muscle guy of the group, he wasn’t great in the ring either though he could throw one hell of a clothesline. Although he was trained by William Regal, even though you wouldn’t notice it by in-ring prowess.
• Michael Tarver: The other black guy of the group, this racial “ticket” so to speak was rounded out with the Puerto Rican mentor Carlito. The only combination to be fully released from WWE, Tarver was known for wearing a bandana around his mouth, and thus had a reputation for being a baby eater.

Back to the ensuing beatdown. Long story short, it was a real eye-raiser at the time. Rookies were allowed to beat up the golden goose of the promotion, while WWE booked a surprise not known to the Internet. Double kudos!

Although they looked incredibly strong the first month or so, let’s face it. After Money in the Bank, they looked progressively weaker. Not even a Barrett win over John Cena at Hell in the Cell could make this angle interesting, as WWE dropped the ball and somehow made status quo the standard. While most people would rank this higher, #4 is no slouch either.

3. CM Punk wins the World Heavyweight Championship, Raw, June 30th, 2008

Edge is nicknamed “The Ultimate Opportunist”. In the last two years, the Canadian successfully cashed in the Money in the Bank briefcase twice, and thus is a threat everywhere he goes.

Like any good heel though, it is delicious when the tables get turned on him. On this particular night, the irony was more than overwhelming.

It was a crazy week in WWE land. The draft occurred on Raw in three hour fashion. Over the course of the show, matches determined who went to where. Tazz became very pissed off on commentary for ECW with Mike Adamle. Unintentional hilarity at it’s best!

That led to the Night of Champions event where inadvertently both WWE and World Heavyweight Champions were on the Smackdown brand. Triple H retained against Cena, and Edge retained against Batista. Seems like nothing was resolved, and Raw had no champion!

Edge appeared onto Raw, and bragged how the WHC will never come back. As he was about to walk out, Batista’s music hit and he beat the high holy hell out of Edge. Capped with a Batista Bomb, The Animal seemed to have his vengeance right then and there.

Cue “This Fire Burns” and Mr. Money in the Bank!

After winning the briefcase at Wrestlemania XXIV, Punk took his lead and cashed in on the defenseless Edge. A Go to Sleep sealed the deal, and the paying attendance ERUPTED as Raw now has a world champion of it’s own!

Let the beatings BEGIN!

Since winning the belt, Punk was able to defend  against Batista and JBL. His reign came to a premature end at Unforgiven where his brains got scrambled before the Scramble main event, courtesy of Randy Orton and his patented skull punt. While the title run wasn’t exactly memorable, the moment that caused it was much more than memorable. It was “opportunist”.

2. John Cena Returns at the Royal Rumble! Royal Rumble, January 27th, 2008

 One thing that makes this memory special for me is that I was actually able witness it in the arena where this took place.

Madison Square Garden.

It’s a place that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Whether you love a good concert or them damn Knicks, MSG is one of the most recognizable arenas in the world.

For the WWE, it’s called “the mecca”. As home turf in the old days were territories were king, the WWWF thrived on mainstays such as Bruno Sammartino and Pedro Morales. When Vince K. took the reigns from his dad Vince J., the place became more famous as the arena that held the very first Wrestlemania.

Although WWE has transitioned and evolved in the last 30 years, no one ever forgot MSG.

Now enter in a cold January evening in the city, where temps were barely freezing. For my first ever foray into wrestling in the Big Apple, it was quite the sight-seeing tour. Before I get into the actual induction, I just want to share a couple of memories with you.

First off, that HI-YUGE Toys R Us in Times Square. Seriously, there’s escalators for this thing! Most of the main toys were on the top floor, but most of the electronics were on the bottom. Also on the bottom were action figures, and yes, WWE figures were there. Sticking out like a sore thumb, Chris Benoit’s action figure stood out front and center. My brother, always the unintentional sadist for horrible humor, found a big choking hazard sign on the front cover! Can you believe that, just months after that unspeakable tragedy and it shows up as if ET for Atari was unearthed from the desert! Unbelievable!

Dallas BBQ is a place I wholeheartedly recommend to eat while down in NYC. The location I went to is located on 42nd Street between 7th and 8th Avenues. Lots of food at cheap prices, can’t get better than that! Also can’t get better than the guy who served my “posse” so to speak (it was me, my bro, my sis, and a couple of her friends who drive down). Affectionately called “Crocodile Dundee” for his accent and tricks of the trade, he got everyone’s food to the table so fast it was as if we never waited. For that, I salute him and the establishment!

After touring Times Square some more, time to head to the gah-den!

Keep in mind this was also my first ever WWE experience when it came to live cameras, so yeah, VERY loud music and pyro. Kane and Undertaker’s fire for sure I thought were going to be the end of me.

Before the Rumble match, I thought the event was while not great, nowhere near bad. MVT (well MVP, but Justin Roberts botched it) and Ric Flair put on a decent battle. JBL and Jericho was meh. Randy Orton and Jeff Harvey (I mean Hardy, but newly-debuted Mike Adamle awesomely botched it) put on a match viewed by some as a mini-classic, but underwhelming by me because it was the same damn match from a few weeks prior at a house show! Edge and Mysterio was interesting because while Mysterio was a face, he was HATED by majority of the smarky NYC crowd. Still a good match though, no complaints here.

Skip to the Rumble. Michael Buffer introduced Undertaker and Shawn Michaels, who if you may remember correctly had the best finish to any Rumble of all time the year before. This starts the Rumble, and Khali, who entered I believe #3, was met with a massive “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE!” chant.

At #29, Triple H comes out. Most people expect The Game to win because he was featured front-and-center overcoming several odds to make the cut. After dominating several men, it came to pass that he would most likely win.

#30 was coming up though, and the upcoming person certainly wasn’t announced. Could it be another legend? Mick Foley, Jimmy Snuka, and Roddy Piper came on in and popped the crowd. Could be it be perhaps a return? Nah, it couldn’t be.

Shit’s going down son!

WHAT? THE? BLUE? MONKEY’S ANUS HELL?

John Cena STUNS the NYC crowd with his unannounced return. Down from a torn pec that should have kept him out until well after Wrestlemania or later, Cena rehabbed that son of a bitch like Superman and tore down the house to everyone’s dismay.

After eliminating Triple H, Cena stood tall and did that elementary “point at the Wrestlemania sign” business. Insiders from WWE leak out stuff like that normally, but somehow this was kept under wraps. Apparently Cena was able to return in mid-January, but WWE did the right thing and kept their mouths shut. The response from all over the world was inconspicuous in it’s enthusiasm, especially knowing the severity of Cena’s injury.

As I said, WWE normally has secrets like that spoiled, but it was a massive win because this time IT WASN’T. The whole sports-entertainment community, even the contradictory Internet, could not predict this would happen, not in a million years. You could say the ranking of this might have a shade of rose-tinted glasses, but what the hell, it was epic!

1. Shawn Michaels retires. Wrestlemania 26 & Raw, March 28th & 29th, 2010

I’m nearly in tears thinking about this, much less writing about it.

This man has been singularly my greatest influence in professional wrestling. Everything exuded from him resembled awesome, from his in-ring skills to the personal life I think every student of the game wants to acquire when they wind down.

Shawn was indeed winding down, and unlike Edge where he was forced to retire, HBK was able to do it on his own (scripted) terms.

The Slammy Awards of 2009 (one of the ABSOLUTE WORST episodes of Raw ever in my opinion) saw Shawn win the award for best match with Undertaker from Wrestlemania. Shawn dared Undertaker to fight him again.

After months of being bitched out and rejected, Shawn did the impossible.

During the World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber match from, well, Elimination Chamber, Undertaker was amongst the last men with Chris Jericho. ‘Taker at this point was champ, seeking to retain. Shawn came out from underneath the steel grating, went into the ring, and gave the legitimately burnt (from a pyro misfire) Undertaker a dose of Sweet Chin Music. Chris Jericho would go to Wrestlemania to defend the title, while Undertaker was left out in the cold.

The irony of this is THREE-FOLD! Let’s include Jericho and Michaels’ long-standing feud, don’t we?

The next night, Undertaker finally agreed to face Shawn. Only if of course if Shawn puts his career on the line. Explaining how his career would be nothing without the win, he reluctantly accepts.

So onto the show. With No-DQ’s and no countouts, the two brawled and battled like never before. It took a JUMPING Tombstone to put Shawn away after Shawn smacked out Undertaker following the first Tombstone execution. After a handshake, the reality dawned on some 70,000+ people in Phoenix, Arizona: Shawn’s career has finally come to the end of the road.

So we meet again, don’t we Trebek?

The next night on Raw, Shawn made his retirement speech. For 15 minutes, it was Shawn talking intimately with the fans.

Part 2 is located on the right-hand side of that page.

He went on about how there was a time where all he had were the fans at home, but now he won’t be able to do that anymore. With respect to the fans and Undertaker (who awesomely tipped his hat off), Shawn must go, and with tears in his eyes, Shawn went around the ringside area for one last, long, goodbye from in-ring competition. On the ramp stood Triple H, who is Shawn’s legit long-time best friend in the whole wide world. After an embrace, both men put the D-Generation X glow-sticks on the steel garter, and walked offstage to a plethora of “THANK YOU SHAWN” chants.

This was one of the only moments EVER that made me cry. Eddie Guerrero’s tribute shows being one, and Benoit’s death (before the sad realization of what he did) just after my high school graduation being the other. At least Shawn got to live the dream, retire comfortably, and more importantly, get to see his kids grow up to be adults. I think we all aspire to share a dream like that one day, and that’s why I put this #1.

IN CONCLUSION: WWE has created a lot of memorable moments since I started watching. Attempting to fill them all in would be impossible, so the list here is a reasonable facsimile rather than a “essential” countdown. I enjoyed making this list, though thinking of what to rank where gave me a headache worse than allergen-related caused.

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