Posts
In celebration of the 25th Anniversary of the Rumble, and the 20th Anniversary of this particular match, let’s go back in time and review the singular greatest Rumble match in history!
As 1992 dawned, the WWE Championship was embroiled in controversy.
Back at the Survivor Series in November, the Undertaker defeated Hulk Hogan to win the belt after interference from Ric Flair.
Fast-forward nearly a week and the one-off event known as ‘This Tuesday in Texas’. Undertaker defended the title against Hulkster, and lost it in means just as controversial as the first go-round.
The ‘Esteemed’ President of the World Wrestling Federation did something that has only occurred once in WWE history, and only under his watch.
Instead of making a tournament, or a regular match to see who the next champ would be, he instead put it on the line as the stipulation for the Royal Rumble match.
Looking at the field, it’s certainly star-studded. Only Vince McMahon though knew how to make this more epic, via this video package:
Before the match gets praised to no end, let’s not forget that by this point in time, there was no gentile format struck down.
Only the 1991 Rumble winner, that being Hogan, would go on to face the champion. 1990 was won by the champion (Hogan), 1989 was won by a one-off appearance (Big John Studd), and 1988 was won by a mid-carder was popularity was skyrocketed by a ‘patriot’ gimmick (‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan).
With this mind, let’s go to the formerly-known-as Knickerbocker Arena in Albany, New York as the Rumble is about to get underway!
As tradition, Howard Finkel goes into ‘epic God mode’ and announces the rules for the Rumble match. As per the norm, two men start the match, new entrants in every two minutes, only way to go is over the top both feet touching the floor, yada yada.
Bobby Heenan, who has vested interest in Ric Flair, is as nervous as a daddy waiting for a newborn. If you’re reading this while watching the match for the first time, be aware than Heenan’s commentary is amongst the funniest soundtracks ever recorded in the history of professional wrestling.
Before Howard Finkel can announce #’s 1 & 2, he first introduces Jack Tunney to a chorus of boos. Given how Johnny Ace snapped last Monday on RAW, I’m surprised Tunney didn’t lash out with a sequence of ‘FURTHERMORES’. As you can tell, this is the man’s premiere catchphrase. “May the best man win,” is the last retort from the departing Tunney, as impatience from ‘The Weasel’ is looming large.
Now that the old fart is out of the ring, time to see who starts on the pole, ahem, who drew #1!
IT’S BRITISH BULLDOG! A favorite in this match because Davey Boy Smith won the battle royal in London a couple of months prior. Only that match had 20 guys, this one has 30!
Who’s next at #2?
MILLION DOLLAR MAN! Signified by his maniacal laugh, Ted DiBiase (Sr. that is) is accompanied down by Slutsenational Sherri. Seriously, look at that outfit!
As Ted enters the ring, he wastes no time going after Davey Boy, and this son of a bitch is underway!
In the first two minutes, there is more action than a 20 minute Hulk Hogan match. After a series of suplexes, DiBiase gets a little too cocky, and in a mis-step, he is thrown over the top by the BDS!
With a football-like timer on the lower-left-hand corner, Bulldog is waiting for #3 to come out. Let’s not forget that no one starting in the top five has ever won at this point in Rumble history! So who is it?
#3 IS RIC FLAIR! AND BOBBY HEENAN IS PISSED! Accompanied by Mr. Perfect, Flair goes in and gets dominated by the man across the pond.
#4 arrives in quick order, and accompanied by ‘Mouth of the South’ Jimmy Hart, it’s Nasty Boy Saggs! The two heels gang up on hero Davey Boy. After getting himself out of a jam, Saggs didn’t learn from DiBiase’s mistake of being cocky, and was dropkicked out of the match! Two guys out already, and its back to Flair/Smith. At this point, Heenan yells out that iconic line, “IT’S NOT FAIR TO FLAIR,” multiple times.
#5 comes out in the form of Haku. By a lot of accounts from past wrestlers, maybe the world’s toughest son of a bitch living! The big guy immediately goes after Davey, and soon enough, there’s yet another round of Double-Team. And no, I didn’t mean the Dennis Rodman movie. Haku turns on Flair in short order, which allows Ric to slide under the bottom rope momentarily. Smith gets a wicked piledriver for his efforts from Haku while Flair works on the goliath! “WHERE’S PERFECT,” quips Heenan. “YOU KNOW THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED AT RINGSIDE?” “HE’S NOT A MANAGER, HE’S AN EXECUTIVE CONSULTANT!” “SAME THING, HE’S A PEST!” God damn do I love Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon as a commentating team! Haku is dumped like a bad bag of garbage as #6 is announced.
#6 turns out to be newly-turned-heel Shawn Michaels! Greeted to boos, you might recall Michaels threw ex-partner Marty Jannetty through the ‘Barbershop’ window. Immediately, Michaels leaves an impression. Beating up Flair, he even nails a superkick mid-ring! Showing signs of what’s to come, Michaels nearly gets eliminated by Bulldog, but an arm gets caught in the ropes! Out from being tangled, Bulldog receives an order of Crescent Kick (that’s what it was called at the time). Michaels botches a Flair maneuver, and his balls get a ride on the ropes for the trouble!
#7 comes out to ‘El Matador’ Tito Santana! Hard to believe he's only the second good guy to enter thus far! Also hard to believe what a racist gimmick this was! Flair and Bulldog are resting while the future Wrestlemania VIII combatants Michaels and Santana go toe-to-toe. This portion of the match has all four men doing something, so calling it will be difficult. Heenan claims he’d low-blow his grandmother to win the title! Bah gawd he would!
#8 turns out to be hoss Barbarian! That lug would whoop some ass, but all in the middle of some great action. The heel tandem of Barbarian and Flair try to get Bulldog over the top. This has to be like what, the fifth time DBS has been double-teamed thus far? Multiple elimination attempts occur by the time #9 comes on down.
#9 is the opposite of a New York Winter. As a matter of act, it’s Texas Tornado Kerry Von Erich! As if it was mid-80s NWA, Flair is the target for Von Erich! Shawn gets sling-shot into the ropes, and clotheslined back down by Davey. Heenan thinks of a brilliant idea: the next person to come down should carry a crescent wrench and whack everyone with it!
#10 is announced, and the most natural gimmick to be WWE Champion has to be Repo Man Barry Darsow! A creeper, Repo takes his dear sweet time entering the ring, which pisses Monsoon off to no end. At this point, there are seven, count ‘em, SEVEN MEN IN THE RING! By the time all the action is covered, there’s another man about to hit the ring!
#11 is another NWA representative from back then, and it’s Greg ‘the Hammer’ Valentine! The smoke-house Indian-looking scruff comes in and cleans up shop! Repo gets his nards repossessed by a Flair low-blow, while Monsoon keeps nagging to Heenan about how no one who drew #’s 1-5 ever won the event.
#12 comes out in short-order, and it’s Nikolai Volkoff. Surprisingly booed, but still slapping hands, the barrel-chested Lithuanian intends on making a mark. The ring must have dozens of marks in it, in addition to the thousands of marks in attendance. Somewhere in the action, Hammer proceeds to slap a Figure-Four on Flair! Not an imitation because Hammer used that move as a finisher too! Repo eliminates Volkoff, and Volkoff is thus far the first good guy eliminated, and the first guy eliminated in quite a while.
#13 promises to bring law and order to the Rumble via Cobb County’s own Big Boss Man! The fat guy (as opposed to the slimmer 1999 variant of Ray Traylor, RIP) runs on down to enter the fracas. Valentine is quietly eliminated, as now only five men have been eliminated. Still eight men in the ring surprisingly! Repo has his title shot taken away after being eliminated, just shortly after saving Shawn’s ass from being gone himself. Noticing Flair’s in trouble, Heenan threatens to go down to ringside, but Monsoon holds him back. As Monsoon was noticing how long Flair and Bulldog were in the match, BULLDOG IS GONE! Some 25 or so minutes for the Englishman, a good effort gone to naut. Flair goes on a small roll as directly after he eliminates Bulldog, he body-drops Von Erich over the top! After a while of everyone being in the ring, the fray is getting smaller and smaller.
#14 delivers a man whose “Herculean” physique is getting softer. Yes, it is Hercules Hernandez! After beating on Flair, Hercules does his own thing while Barbarian gets his shots in on Naitch. Barbarian tries to eliminate Flair, but was ousted by Hercules instead, who in turn gets eliminated by Boss Man, whose force is so great he almost eliminates himself! WHEW! Boss Man is wagging his finger at Flair as the two brawl their way through some time. On a reversal, Boss Man hurls his body to try to eliminate Flair, but Flair does a side-step, and Boss Man is eliminated! Only Flair in the ring, and belly-flops in celebration/breather. Now we have a count! 3-2-1...
#15 IS ROWDY, RODDY, PIPER! Heenan sounds like as if his kid is being taken away by Protective Services. Piper, who is the newly-crowned Intercontinental Champion via defeating The Mountie, immediately goes to Flair and beats the crap out of him. The action even spreads to the barricade outside, even if the outside refs are reprimanding both to get back into the squared circle! Piper somehow no-sells a punch on the apron! Flair botches an atomic drop, and gets the poke to the eye for punishment. What is this, a Three Stooges short? Speaking of silly moves, what about the Airplane Spin, followed up by a Sleeper? Only up to this era were these two moves ever considered dangerous. At least Piper could pull them off. As Flair goes to la-la land, the next combatant is counted down.
#16 has one of the most endearing Rumble moments ever. For the first and only time in history, both Monsoon and Heenan simultaneously announce, “JAKE, THE SNAKE, ROBERTS.” Playing the pathological asshole role, Roberts sits in the corner while Piper puts Flair to sleep. Flair rests while Snake pounds Piper back in the corner. Shortly after Roddy saves Flair from a DDT, Flair puts Snake in a Figure-Four! All three men take turns beating each other up, while Heenan makes a double-standard about what Piper’s usual attire is. “IT’S NOT A SKIRT, IT’S A KILT! IT’S NOT A KILT, IT’S A SKIRT!” Classic heel mannerisms.
#17 gets one of the biggest pops thus far. The inaugural Rumble winner, Hacksaw Jim Duggan! Monsoon notes how he respects Flair for showing intestinal fortitude, while Heenan quips he and Flair were jobbed for going out #3! Insider term much in kayfabe 1992? Because Duggan and Piper have the same color trunks, it’s almost hard to tell the difference between the two in the ring. Here we go for the next guy out!
#18 is a guy praying for people to get their W-2’s, its Irwin R. Schyster! The Rumble is always known as a taxing event, so IRS is going for the guy who is going to pay the most first. FLAIR! It’s irony I tells ya! Snake and Flair have a meeting of the minds courtesy of Duggan, and Flair belly-flops again!
#19 is coming, and does he have to choke a bitch? It’s Supa-supa-Superfly Jimmy Snuka! While he was prolific a decade ago, Jimmy’s been reduced to barely higher than jobber status by this point. Heenan is so worn out that he doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore, poor guy. I’m surprised Flair didn’t do a blade-job after the headbutt by Snuka. You know the saying about Samoans and their hard-to-crack heads! Hey look at the time...
#20 is zombie Undertaker, accompanied by pedo Paul Bearer. Immediately, everything slows the hell down as the freshest, biggest, baddest guy hits the ring. Hard to think this was ‘Taker’s last PPV as a heel until 1998, and even here, he gets majority pop! The first to feel ‘Taker’s wrath is Snuka, who is known for being the first guy the dead man defeated at Wrestlemania. One hand, over the top, bye bye Superfly. Undertaker then proceeds to choke Flair, low-blow Duggan, and double-team Duggan with IRS. So far, the dead guy looks to be pretty good! Next guy coming up is...
#21 IS A RAVING LUNATIC MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE! Running down the ramp akin to Warrior, Savage is seeking revenge for what Jake Roberts did to him and his wife Elizabeth. Looking for Roberts, he instead got caught by ‘Taker. Seeing Savage is down, Roberts slithers his way back in to do a number on Mach. After missing a clothesline, Randy goes Savage on Snake. Not only does Savage throw Roberts over the top, but he jumps over the top as well! Somehow this doesn’t count as an elimination! Although Undertaker briefly separates Savage from Roberts, it’s not long before the Madness strikes again, and Roberts is jumped in the aisleway! Undertaker throws Savage back in, and applies a creepy looking crossface on the bottom rope. Amidst all this clusteraction...
#22 is Berzerker, accompanied by a Mr. Fuji who can’t walk worth a damn, which is sad and sympathetic. Randy Savage is almost suplexed over the top rope, but blocks it, and brings back Flair into the ring the hard way. Piper and ‘Taker simul-choke Flair, until ‘Taker puts that meaty paw on Piper!
#23 is Leaping...Virgil? Seriously, the guy went from the curtain to the ramp in record time, making Savage look like a grandpa. Heenan then accused Virgil of going through everyone’s bags in the back. “WILL YOU STOP?” Everyone currently in the ring is attacking each other as #24 is coming down.
#24 by the way is Colonel Mustafa being led down by General Adnan. Not related to Simba, instead Mustafa is the Iron Shiek, rebadged with an Iraqi gimmick. Couple of funny things here while the action is slowed a tad. #1 that Gorilla Monsoon couldn’t believe Flair is still standing, even though Flair is the king of 60 minute matches. #2, they take a wide pan of the arena, and Heenan notes no one is at the concession stand, while people are getting up to get said concessions! Flair is on his way to certain elimination when the buzzer strikes.
#25 is ‘The Model’ Rick Martel, the at-the-time holder of longest run in a Royal Rumble at some 53 minutes. Seems like this will be a sprint for him! General Adnan is nonchalantly eliminated as Undertaker goes back to choke Savage. Three people try to lift Flair over the top, but Nature Boy stays in there with pride and purpose. Monsoon is making quick notes about how Piper could be very well a dual-champion as we have a countdown...
#26 IS HULK HOGAN! The pops you hear are canned in as apparently the live audience was more mixed than a fudge swirl in vanilla ice cream. Visually, there are quite a few Knickerbockers who are giving the ‘Immortal’ one the thumbs down. Hogan is whooping ass then gets his ass whooped in short order. Hulk after that eliminates Undertaker, which draws ire from the dead man up the ramp. The viking tries to derail Hogan’s momentum, but a short removal of the bandanna leads to Berzerker’s elimination via body-drop! Virgil and Hacksaw are simultaneously eliminated.
#27 is the jobber Alligator Man Skinner! Fresh off his classic with Bret Hart the month before at TiT (that’s Tuesday in Texas), the guy goes towards Piper. IRS saves Flair from Hogan, all the while IRS gets choke-swinged by the torn t-shirt of Hogan. Piper tried to do the Mike Tyson (aka biting the ear) on Flair, but couldn’t sustain it for very long.
#28 is Sgt. Slaughter, who if you may recall at last year’s Rumble, won the WWE Championship from Ultimate Warrior. This year, as a face, he gets cheered to the ring. The Alligator Man couldn’t “skin the cat”, and thus was eliminated. Monsoon officially declares Flair as the longest-entrant ever at 55+ minutes (to this point) while Flair is staving off another attempt at elimination. While action is going on all over the place, the buzzer is ringing again!
#29 is SID JUSTICE, who gets the biggest pop of anyone in this Rumble. He almost eliminates IRS, but instead it nearly gets turned into an audit. Meanwhile, Flair is punching Hogan who is held by IRS. which astonishes Gorilla. Sid reverses a hammerlock by Flair as #30 is finally going to make his appearance!
#30 is indeed Warlord (w/ Harvey Whippleman), and that’s the last call! A neat overhead shot shows Flair on the top rope, but Hogan press-slams him over. Typical Flair spot. Out of the ring, but both under the bottom rope, Hogan successfully suplexes Flair on the mat! Sgt. Slaughter takes a wild shot into the steel post, and sayonara to the Sarge! After sustaining a big boot, Flair gets up and Monsoon officially states he’s been in there for an hour! While Hogan gets chopped into “God mode”, IRS is quietly eliminated by Piper. Hogan and Sid team up to take out Warlord. Sid, on a hot streak, eliminates both Roddy Piper and Rick Martel!
That means we’re down to the final four. Hogan. Sid. Flair. Savage. All four with impressive credentials, and all four with a license to maim. Savage is quickly eliminated by Sid. Hogan and Flair trade chops back to the ropes, where Flair is hanging on by a thread. Hogan loses the leverage game as Sid lifts him over!
As Hogan is on the outside, he yanks Sid by the hands, and with an assist from Flair, Sid goes over!
FLAIR WINS!
FLAIR WINS!
FLAIR WINS!
Bobby Heenan just passed an orgasm, and Gorilla Monsoon is in shock.
Flair gets out of Hogan’s jealous dodge, while Sid comes up and wants to brawl!
Flair and Perfect are all smiles as the Undisputed WWE Champion is about to be given the belt in a post-match interview.
“I’m going to tell you all with a tear in my eye- this is the greatest moment in my life. This championship makes you number one!”
That quote not only put WWE over, but buried WCW to no end. After a hellacious 1991 WCW run, Flair went to the WWE in search of a new beginning. After the ‘Real World’s Champion’ gimmick that played out with blurred out belts, Flair was given this chance in the 1992 Royal Rumble, and he added a second definition to the term ‘60 Minute Man’.
IN CONCLUSION: The greatest Rumble match ever. Bar none.
Ric Flair even said himself in his first DVD collection that this was the greatest talent pool in WWE history. An eclectic mixture of styles, gimmicks, and philosophies, there is not a Rumble match that could exceed this. 2004 was close, VERY close, but no cigar.
Looking at some of the combatants, there were some stand-out performances. Flair notwithstanding, some of the best performers in the best were Davey Boy Smith, Shawn Michaels, Jake Roberts, Randy Savage, and for what it is worth, IRS. As a matter of fact, almost everyone in this match came out looking better than they did before. Except Hogan that is.
For a one-off title match, this was extraordinary. Hardly a filler spot to be had, and every man in there looked important. This is the sort of booking that WWE needs to view again. A ***** classic is there ever was one.
No comments:
Post a Comment