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Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. Is that really…naw it can’t be!
Oh yes kids it is.
You see, when I last left you with Bad Hair Day, Al was sporting his signature short/curly hair with a pair of spectacles to match.
However, both are those are gone. In 1998, Yankovic got LASIK eye surgery, and therefore his vision became 20/20 which in turn ditched the glasses. Couple that with extending out the prized follicles, and there you have it.
A nerd/geek/poindexter turned into the vegan hippie he inspires to be. That’s the breaks little man!
Anyways, back to the album.
The last album was released in 1996, and because this is now 1999, this is yet another time where there is a 3 year gap in between albums. This time by however, it wasn’t a hip/current song that kick-started the barn-burner popularity of the album.
Actually, it was a dual case of, “what’s old is new again.”
As you’re about to read, Al made a fantastic marriage of Don McLean and Star Wars, and thus had an LP that shot up to #16 on the Billboard charts. So without further ado, here is RUNNING WITH SCISSORS!
1. “The Saga Begins”: Parodying the all-time great “American Pie” by Don McLean (albeit the short version), this song revolves around the plot of the first prequel in the Star Wars franchise.
However, it’s all told from the point of view of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
The song has that feeling of “epic” to it, where the lyrics match the rhythm perfectly. And that’s before the music video is figured in.
Oh yes, the music video.
Set on a soundstage somewhere, and perhaps a desert, Al (as Obi-Wan) tells his tale. Like a lot of Al videos, there are sight gags that could be missed on the first try if not caught right away.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - The Saga Begins lyrics
2. “My Baby’s in Love With Eddie Vedder”: If there was a song I would call a weak link of the album, it’d be this one.
An original, it’s sole purpose is to once again give Al acid-reflux disease (figuratively) when it comes to those lady troubles.
This time, the “apple of the eye” for her is that Eddie Vedder guy, the lead singer of Pearl Jam.
One of a very select few songs to have a mainly accordion-based melody, it’s just not up to par to the rest of the album.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder lyrics
3. “Pretty Fly for a Rabbi”: Oh lookie, another parody song!
This time, it’s of "Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)" by The Offspring. The object of ridicule this time is of a hip rabbi.
Huh?
The lyrics read though as if he is just “normal”, as in he follows the religion and does his duty, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing much here of note either, but you’ll also get to hear the tones of Fran Drescher who last worked with Al on UHF.
You may also recognize that The Offspring had a song parodied before, but was never released officially. Read more about it from the Bad Hair Day review.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - Pretty Fly For A Rabbi lyrics
4. “The Weird Al Show Theme”: In a bit of somewhat obscure trivia, Al used to have his own show on CBS back in 1997.
Called predictably “The Weird Al Show”, it tackled weird plots and “Fat Man”. While the show was always being censored for content, at least the opening song wasn’t. Speaking of songs that should have been on this album as a assist, “Harvey the Wonder Hamster” from Alapalooza is a prime example of such.
With Al’s unique blend of humor and irrelevancy, you can definitely tell who wrote the song/show. That’s probably one of the reasons why I view this series with rose-tinted glasses. Especially when Macho Man Randy Savage, rest his soul, appeared.
So much so that the whole series back in 2006 was released on DVD. You can order that here.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - The Weird Al Show Theme lyrics
5. “Jerry Springer”: You know it’s 1999 when this name gets mentioned in high frequency.
A parody of “One Week” by Barenaked Ladies, this track revolves around your basic five plot lines of the show.
This show is one that’s like, “...when animals attack... still getting blood off the wall.” The oft-barbaric nature of the show tends to get some VERY outrageous moments. Just go to YouTube and type in the man’s name. You’ll be gone for a while, guaranteed! Before anyone asks, no it does relate to that talk show from UHF, whereas that one is a parody of Geraldo Rivera.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - Jerry Springer lyrics
6. “Germs”: Hey, you know what you can get “germs” off of? That’s right, Nine Inch Nails!
A triple medley/style parody of "Closer", "Mr. Self-Destruct", and "Terrible Lie", the song revolves around Al’s fear of germs.
To me, this is totally surprising. Considering a lot of songs in the past may have had a hint of OCD (like perhaps “Slime Creatures from Outer Space”), this one blows it wide open and long.
Rubbing till his hands are raw and bleeding, Al is ticked that in the end, the germs are trying to “kill” him. Of course the metal sound was inspired by ‘Nails’, but in the end, the sound also feels like something you’d find in a dentist office.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - Germs lyrics
7. “Polka Power”: Like Howard Finkel before the main event of a WWE wrestling event,
“Ladies and gentlemen, the following track is scheduled for the best of the polka! Representing Running with Scissors, POLKA POWER!!!”
Let’s see the cast of characters for this creation:
- "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls
- "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger
- "Ghetto Supastar (That Is What You Are)" by Pras, Ol' Dirty Bastard and Mýa
- "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" by the Backstreet Boys
- "Walkin' on the Sun" by Smash Mouth
- "Intergalactic" by the Beastie Boys
- "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba
- "Ray of Light" by Madonna
- "Push" by Matchbox Twenty
- "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind
- "The Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson
- "MMMBop" by Hanson
- "Sex and Candy" by Marcy Playground
- "Closing Time" by Semisonic
- "W.A.Y. Moby Polka by "Weird Al" Yankovic
Notice the debut of a new polka “sound” here. After the “Ear Booker Polka”, comes this base. To be honest, I thought EBP had A LOT to live up to, and surprisingly this one succeeds it just fine. A crazy mix of themes and styles really jumble this one up, but at the same time, it’s still mid-pack when it comes to mid-pack. Perhaps the most beloved polka comes on the next album.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - Polka Power! lyrics
8. “Your Horoscope for Today”: One of those “glorious” song additions to an album.
In a inspiration of Ska, this song’s plot is about how you’re screwed because the horoscopes that align the moon and the stars say so.
So that excuse of “waking from the wrong side of the bed” doesn’t apply here at all.
In also true Al fashion, this is one of those “torture” songs, though not of all that torture comes through horrible physical violence/pain. It’s of that intellectual torture, that when the lyrics are read, just tells you that you don’t matter not one iota.
This song is like going getting a cold but poisonous drink. While going down it’s refreshing and upbeat, it will kill you in a a few hours, and that’s what this song represents.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - Your Horoscope For Today lyrics
9. “It’s All About the Pentiums”: If you may remember, this song is #9 on my list of underrated Al songs. Right now, I’m going to play the ‘lazy’ card and paste what I wrote then into here.
This selection, parody of “All About the Benjamins” by Puff Daddy (or P Diddy, or Sean Combs, or whoever the hell he is this week), essentially talks about technology getting outdated as soon as you unwrap it. Although no one will have 100 gigs of RAM anytime soon, the overall message of age of technology is as timely as it ever was. With Pentiums falling by the wayside to dual-cores, and then “Cores” (that’s your ‘I’ systems, of i3, i5, and i7) coming in, CD-ROM has now evolved to Blu-Ray, and RAM is now in the Gigs from Megs with huge speed to match. Bill Gates may not do your tech support, but at least Windows 7 is not as “holey moley” as Vista when it first came out. Also watch out for Drew Carey in a cameo appearance!
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - It's All About The Pentiums lyrics
10. “Truck Drivin’ Song”: This song should feel all macho and stuff. It’s a guy, and his rig, hauling ass and taking named on the highways and interstates of the USA!
Instead, it’s more of a cross-dressing/hermaphrodite variation of a theme. Ironically, this song is said to have been inspired by that sketch from Monty Python.
Like on that exit that leads you to nowhere, this song is a weird excursion on an album where there is no true theme to be had. However, you’re listening to a Yankovic album, and thus should know that already!
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - Truck Drivin' Song lyrics
11. “Grapefruit Diet”: Radical diet theories are something that will never go away, as well as the art of a good parody.
This time, the song of honor (and last of the 1990’s) is “Zoot Suit Riot” by Cherry Poppin' Daddies. The original is a minor cultural revolution of a swing revival, and this song features a guy who might be in the condition to dance to this sort of tune.
I guess the Al character from ‘Fat’ never went on a diet, or “Fatman” from the show. He has more rolls than a pastry truck, and never stops eating. His calling comes from a little thing called “Grapefruit Diet”.
Sadly I can’t find video of it on YouTube (or Google for that matter), but I remember an episode of “Third Rock from the Sun” that referred to it’s main character of Dick Solomon (played by John Lithgow) going on said diet and having some really flatulent results to it. When I this of this song, I think of that.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - Grapefruit Diet lyrics
12. “Albuquerque”: Neil Patrick Harris would describe this song as,
LEGEN...
...wait for it...
DARY! (And no, I don’t mean the John Cena sap either.)
Lasting some eleven minutes and twenty three seconds, it’s a long-winded rant about a quite “simple” plot.
Starting from a house down the street from Jerry’s Bait Shop, Al was force-fed sauerkraut until he was 26.5 years old (rounded up to 27, and that’s the number of Al’s track suit on the album art). Winning a radio station contest to guess the monocules on the butt of Leonard Nimoy (without the beam-up), Al won a trip to Albuquerque.
While he survived the plane crash then crawled on his hands and knees for three full days, he went to a Holiday Inn and fought a hermaphrodite with a “Flock of Seagulls” haircut over his prized snorkel. After losing, Al “ran so far away” to find it.
Getting hungry, he went to a donut shop. What was he forced to order? A box of a dozen craved/starving weasels.
During this time, he met the love of his life. Zelda, who has the hair of strange peaches, noticed that Al had the weasels on his face and it was true love. While they got married and had kids, they divorced over the most daffy subject possible: a membership to the Columbia Record Club.
Al bounced back by having the employment of his dreams, a part-time job at Sizzler! Somehow, he managed to procure Employee of the Month after putting out a grease fire with his face!
After two disturbingly gross and absurd stories of disfigurement, Al finally admits all he wanted to say was that...HE...HATES...SAUERKRAUT!
It’s a story. A long, non-sensical, and winding tale, the track manages to win over the listener by the sheer grotesque imagery of the events in and around the “plot”. A second in the series of longest tracks going last, this is probably my favorite entry on the LP.
Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic lyrics - Albuquerque lyrics
Oh, and one more thing. Put the CD in your optical drive, and click on the contents. There’s a secret video in there, a snippet of a Disney Channel special in 1998. You’re welcome!
CONCLUSION: Howard Finkel, “The winner of the bout, and NEW favorite Al record! RUNNING WITH SCISSORS!
As I noted in the underrated song list, I noted this album to be my all-time favorite.
While the album is not perfect per se, I never claimed it to be. When I think of “Weird Al” Yankovic, I think of this LP. It’s a mish-mash mix of songs that cover miscellaneous potpourri on the aural spectrum. Sure some of the songs whiff, and some of them are just “good”, but as a whole they are worth much more than the individual parts.
While saying this is Al’s best album is not subjective (because it truly isn’t), saying it’s my favorite album is personal preference, one that probably won’t change for a time to come.
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