IT’S TIME TO RUMBLE! IT’S TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE!

This is go time!

As wrestling fans, there is no greater sense of anticipation than perhaps watching the Royal Rumble event every year.

Firstly, there is the spectacle of watching thirty men trying to run down a dream.

Secondly, the man who wins the showdown, goes to Wrestlemania, and the ultimate dream: the proverbial brass ring known either as the WWE Championship or the World Heavyweight Championship.

There is also another thing that is unique about this PPV, that no other event during the WWE calendar year possesses.

Every year, without failure, there is either a still image, a vignette, or a full-blown segment devoted to statistics.

Not a particular wrestler, or a particular Rumble in history, but statistics that show how many men in history entered, percentage of men who won the title at Wrestlemania, etc.

That’s why you’re reading this today.

There are other stats that haven’t been given the light of day, until now.

So without further ado, let’s get down to some useless knowledge, shall we?

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0: Here is a sampling of men who never won the Rumble: Kane, Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, Andre the Giant, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Bob Backlund, Rikishi, Big Show, Booker T, Christian, Bradshaw, Mick Foley, Terry Funk, amongst others.

0: The amount of entries Scott Hall has in the Royal Rumble, despite the fact he was with the company from 1992-1996, then 2002.

OMG: The reaction of the crowd when Paul London was turned inside out by Snitsky in the 2005 Royal Rumble.

1: The amount of Royal Rumbles not broadcast on Pay-Per-View. In 1988, the event was aired on the USA Network while the Bunkhouse Stampede from the NWA was on PPV.

1: The amount of times the Rumble was won by the following men: ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan, Big John Studd, Ric Flair, Yokozuna, Bret Hart & Lex Luger (co-winners in 1994), The Rock, Triple H, Brock Lesnar, Chris Benoit, Batista, Rey Mysterio, Undertaker, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, & Alberto Del Rio respectively.

1: As mentioned in the last statistic, the amount of times where a Rumble had co-winners. This occurred in 1994 after Lex Luger and Bret Hart were simultaneously ‘eliminated’. President Jack Tunney awarded the match as such.

1: The amount of times a Rumble was won by someone who was previously eliminated. Steve Austin started #5 and whooped ass until Bret Hart showed up. Bret later eliminated Austin, but because the referees were trying to break up a brawl between Mankind and Terry Funk, never saw Austin’s feet touching the ground. Thus, Austin was able to run back in, eliminate Fake Diesel, Vader & Undertaker, then Bret Hart en route to the controversial decision. Austin would not headline Wrestlemania XIII, but would have a career-defining match with Bret at that event. 

1: The amount of Shawn’s Michaels’ feet that touched the floor during the 1995 Rumble. After being chucked over the top rope by British Bulldog, Shawn held on by one foot, and came back in to eliminate Bulldog.

1: The amount of WWE Championship matches that just so happened to be the Royal Rumble match in conjunction. This happened in 1992, and there is an entry devoted to it.

1: The amount of disqualifications in Rumble history. This infamous dishonor goes to Finlay, who in the 2008 Rumble, was taken out of the match after trying to help his “son” Hornswoggle out of trouble.

1: Just for the hell of it, the amount of Rumble this blogger has attended live. It was indeed the 2008 Royal Rumble from MSG.

1: The amount of times a WWE Champion has won the Royal Rumble. That was Hulk Hogan in 1990.

1: The amount of times Randy Savage was eliminated for doing something stupid during a Rumble match. In 1993, he attempted to pin Yokozuna, but Yoko ‘kicked out’ with such force that it hurled Savage over the top rope. Let’s also not forget the 1992 Rumble where in an attempt to catch Jake Roberts, Savage hurled himself over the top rope, but the elimination was never counted.

LOL: The reaction of the crowd when Ernest ‘the Cat’ Miller came down and danced during the 2004 Rumble. After he was done, he was quickly tossed.

2: The amount of times Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels respectively won the Royal Rumble. They both earned their wins in consecutive events.

2: The amount of times in history where the first two men in the Rumble match were also the last two men standing. 1995 had British Bulldog & Shawn Michaels while 1999 had Steve Austin & Vince McMahon. Should be noted that heels won both events.

2: The amount of quadriceps Vince McMahon tore at the 2005 Royal Rumble. In what was one of the funniest albeit painful botches in history, Vince ran down to the ring to restart the match, and tripped into the ring apron thus forcing the double fumble (on the quads that is).

2: The amount of times Triple H started #1 in the Rumble, in 1996 and 2006. In total, that is 108 minutes and 10 seconds!

2: The amount of bloodied winners in Rumble history. 2001 saw Austin have a crimson mask, while Undertaker’s face was mostly cleaned up by the time he eliminated Shawn Michaels in 2007.

3: The amount of times Steve Austin has won the Royal Rumble. Austin won the 1997, 1998, and 2001 events.

3: The amount of alter-egos Mick Foley used in the 1998 Rumble. He started off the event #1 as Cactus Jack. Later on he morphed into Mankind, and then was amongst the final four as Dude Love.

4: The only number in the first five NOT to have had a Rumble winner.

7 minutes and 19 seconds: When Edge returned to the WWE at the 2010 Royal Rumble, he lasted that long to win the match. This is the shortest time a Rumble winner has endured. John Cena from 2008 lasted 8:27, and Alberto Del Rio in 2011 lasted 8:33.

8: The number of tries it took for Undertaker to finally win a Royal Rumble.

8: The amount of men who eliminated Muhammad Hassan from the 2005 Rumble. From RAW, there was Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Shelton Benjamin, and Edge. From SMACKDOWN, there was Rey Mysterio, Booker T, Eddie Guerrero, and Luther Reigns.

11: The amount of men Kane eliminated in the 2001 Rumble, which is indeed the record.

13: The number in which Undertaker’s gong went off during the 2004 Rumble.

14: If he is entered into the Rumble this Sunday, in which he should because EVERYONE who has a match is eligible, Kane would add onto an already impressive record of consecutive Rumbles entered.

14: - Ric Flair holds a record for the longest period time in between starting the Rumble from #1. He did it in 1993, then in 2007. Combined, that’s 24 minutes and 18 seconds of in-ring time.

17: The amount of time in-between appearances for Hacksaw Jim Duggan at the Rumble. Duggan, who won the inaugural, appeared in 1992, then wouldn’t appear again until 2009. Jimmy Snuka and Roddy Piper went 16 years, from 1992 to 2008, then Kevin Nash went from 1996 to 2011.

33 Minutes: The amount of time the whole 1988 Rumble lasted, the shortest Rumble ever. It is also the only edition to have featured 20 contestants.

38 Minutes, and 41 seconds: The amount of time the whole 1995 Rumble lasted, the shortest 30-man edition. Only 60 seconds separated contestants that year.  

1 hour, 2 minutes, and 12 seconds: The amount of time Rey Mysterio was in the 2006 Rumble, a record. He started #2 and won. Chris Benoit in 2004 (61:30) and Bob Backlund in 1993 (61:10) are the two closest challengers. 

1 hour, 10 minutes, and 2 seconds: The amount of time the whole 2011 Rumble lasted, the longest Rumble in history. It is also the only Rumble in history to have featured 40 men instead of the customary 30.

1 hour, 48 minutes, and 56 seconds: The amount of time Chris Benoit was in the Rumble between 2004-2005. This is by far the record for consecutive running time in back-to-back Rumbles.

117 days: The amount of time John Cena was out due to his torn pec. The injury occurred on the 10/1/07 episode of RAW before No Mercy. This is important because in one of the biggest surprises in Rumble history, on January 27th, 2008, Cena came out unannounced (even to the internet) at #30 and won the whole thing.

$24,000: The amount of Wellness fines accrued if you counted the amount of times Mankind got his head blasted in with a chair by The Rock. Keep in mind every Wellness violation in relation to head shots is $2,000.

$72,000: The amount of Wellness fines accrued if you counted the shots to the head during the 2001 Rumble aka ‘The Hardcore Rumble’.

Here are other notables:

- Shawn Michaels was eliminated from the Rumble from 2005-2007 in three different fashions. 2005 saw him eliminated by a previously ousted competitor (Kurt Angle). 2006 saw him eliminated by someone who wasn’t even entered (Shane McMahon). 2007 saw him eliminated by someone who was not only in the match, but won (Undertaker).

-Speaking of Undertaker, he was eliminated by Maven in the 2002 edition. He was so pissed that he beat the bloody shit out of the young rookie all over the arena. The funny thing here is that Maven was never officially eliminated from the match.

- Mick Foley has won absolutely ZERO matches at the Royal Rumble PPV. This includes four Rumble appearances (1997, 1998 (x3), 2004, and 2008), and two WWE Championship matches.

- Giant Gonzales (1993) and Shane McMahon (2006) are the only two men in the history of the Rumble to ever eliminate someone... and never compete in the Rumble.

- The Miz  in 2011 and The Rock (partially) in 1999 are the only two WWE Champions in the history of the Rumble to eliminate competitors while not being in the actual match.

- Sabu remains the only man to be eliminated via a chokeslam through a table at the Rumble. This was by Big Show in 2007. Keep in mind it was over the top rope and onto the table on the outside.

- Raven in 2001 remains the only man in Rumble history to have a 7-10 split to his testicles by a bowling ball.

- Ax and Smash of Demolition are the only tag team combination in history to start the Rumble (1989). Jeff and Matt Hardy started #’s 1 and 3 in 2001.

- Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho are the only two men to start #’s 1 and 2 in the Rumble, and have a match together at Wrestlemania in the same year. This was 2003.

- CM Punk is the only man in the history of the Rumble to eliminate men, then “preach” to the crowd (2010).

- Before 2008, every winner from 2001-2007 won a World Championship at Wrestlemania. Including the 2008 Rumble, all of the winners since that Rumble have failed to win the big one on the grandest stage.

- In 2011, Alberto Del Rio received the dubious honor of being the only Royal Rumble winner in history to receive his title shot in the opening match of Wrestlemania.

- When Shawn Michaels returned, he had appeared in every Rumble PPV from 2003-2010 while he was still active, However, there are a couple of weird stats. Firstly, Shawn wrestled in both a match (with Edge) and in the Rumble match in 2005. Secondly In 2009, Shawn neither wrestled in a match or competed in the Rumble, but was in the corner of JBL in the World Heavyweight Championship match.

- Big John Studd, Yokozuna, and Chris Benoit are the only Rumble winners to be deceased.

- Vince McMahon is the oldest Rumble winner. When he won the 1999 Rumble, McMahon was 53 years, and 5 months (exactly) old.

- Brock Lesnar is the youngest man to have ever won the Rumble match. After starting 29th, Lesnar won the 2003 edition at 25 years, 5 months, and 7 days old.

- Ric Flair is the oldest man to have ever competed in the Rumble match. In 2007, Flair was 57 years, 11 months, and 3 days old when he started first.

- Rene Dupree is the youngest man to have ever competed in the Rumble. In 2004, Depree was 20 years, 1 month, and 10 days old when he was 15th.

-The Great Khali, Chris Jericho, and Mark Henry are the only men to be eliminated by women in the history of the Rumble. No, Mark was not eliminated by Mae Young, but rather by Chyna in 1999, Jericho in 2000 by Chyna, while Khali nine years later got the shaft by Beth Phoenix.

- In 2008, the men who drew numbers 1 and 30 (Undertaker and John Cena received title matches.

- In 2006, the men who drew numbers 1 and 2 received title matches. Rey Mysterio and Triple H also set a Rumble record by lasting the longest combined for a 1 and 2, which is 122 minutes and 21 seconds.

- Although he will be involved in 14 consecutive Rumbles as Kane, Glen Jacobs has also been in the 1996 Rumble as Dr. Isaac Yankem DDS, and the 1997 Rumble as ‘Fake Diesel’. Ultimately, this will be Jacobs’ 16th Rumble match, and his 17th appearance.

- The only time Glen Jacobs was at the Rumble albeit not in the Rumble match was in 1998 when as Kane he threw Undertaker in a casket and set the son of a bitch on fire.

- Undertaker hasn’t lost many casket matches in his WWE career, but he lost both of his title casket matches at the Rumble (1994 to Yokozuna and 1998 to Shawn Michaels).

- Santino Marella in 2009 may have had the shortest in-ring time of anyone in Rumble history, but he was amongst the final two in 2011.

- Bastion Booger in 1994 missed the Rumble event. He is one of the only men (Randy Savage in 1991 being another one) in history to have a spot, yet not show up for it. At least the reason is an anomaly, he had ‘distress’.

- Batista (2005), and Rey Mysterio (2006) are the only men to win a Rumble, then consequently miss the Rumble the following year due to injury. Alberto Del Rio may be in jeopardy to do the same in 2012 after winning the 2011 edition due to groin surgery.

- Hacksaw Jim Duggan won the inaugural Rumble and was in a six-man tag the year later in 1989. This is the only time this has ever happened.

- Heading into the Royal Rumble PPV for 2012, the men who started #’s 1 and 2, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, are the WWE and World Heavyweight Champions.

- Ric Flair (1992 then 1993), Steve Austin (1998 then 1999), Chris Benoit (2004 then 2005), and Undertaker (2007 then 2008) are the only Rumble winners in history to win one year then start amongst the first two the year afterwards.

- Bob Backlund in 1993 not only set the Iron Man record that year (it would be broken in later years), but is also the only man who wasn’t on the full-time roster to go over an hour in the spectacle.

- John Cena may have been in the WWE ten years, but in the 2012 edition, he is about to do something he has never done at the Rumble: compete in a singles match with NO TITLE ON THE LINE.

- Randy Orton and Dolph Ziggler made an interesting note in history for the 2011 Rumble: they both lost their title matches, then entered the Rumble match. Kurt Angle also did this in 2005.

- Steve Austin has appeared in only six Rumbles and yet he has eliminated 36 men. Shawn Michaels on the other hand has appeared in 13 Rumbles and has eliminated 39 men.

Now stop reading this and RUMBLE!

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YES YES YES! The 1992 Royal Rumble Match

In celebration of the 25th Anniversary of the Rumble, and the 20th Anniversary of this particular match, let’s go back in time and review the singular greatest Rumble match in history!

As 1992 dawned, the WWE Championship was embroiled in controversy.

Back at the Survivor Series in November, the Undertaker defeated Hulk Hogan to win the belt after interference from Ric Flair.

Fast-forward nearly a week and the one-off event known as ‘This Tuesday in Texas’. Undertaker defended the title against Hulkster, and lost it in means just as controversial as the first go-round.

To paraphrase Owen Hart through the spirit of Jack Tunney, “(Furthermore) ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, AND IT’S TIME FOR A CHANGE!”

The ‘Esteemed’ President of the World Wrestling Federation did something that has only occurred once in WWE history, and only under his watch.

Instead of making a tournament, or a regular match to see who the next champ would be, he instead put it on the line as the stipulation for the Royal Rumble match.

Looking at the field, it’s certainly star-studded. Only Vince McMahon though knew how to make this more epic, via this video package:

THE UNDERRRRRTAKERRRRRR!

Before the match gets praised to no end, let’s not forget that by this point in time, there was no gentile format struck down.

Only the 1991 Rumble winner, that being Hogan, would go on to face the champion. 1990 was won by the champion (Hogan), 1989 was won by a one-off appearance (Big John Studd), and 1988 was won by a mid-carder was popularity was skyrocketed by a ‘patriot’ gimmick (‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan).

With this mind, let’s go to the formerly-known-as Knickerbocker Arena in Albany, New York as the Rumble is about to get underway!

As tradition, Howard Finkel goes into ‘epic God mode’ and announces the rules for the Rumble match. As per the norm, two men start the match, new entrants in every two minutes, only way to go is over the top both feet touching the floor, yada yada.

Bobby Heenan, who has vested interest in Ric Flair, is as nervous as a daddy waiting for a newborn. If you’re reading this while watching the match for the first time, be aware than Heenan’s commentary is amongst the funniest soundtracks ever recorded in the history of professional wrestling.

Before Howard Finkel can announce #’s 1 & 2, he first introduces Jack Tunney to a chorus of boos. Given how Johnny Ace snapped last Monday on RAW, I’m surprised Tunney didn’t lash out with a sequence of ‘FURTHERMORES’. As you can tell, this is the man’s premiere catchphrase. “May the best man win,” is the last retort from the departing Tunney, as impatience from ‘The Weasel’ is looming large.

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Now that the old fart is out of the ring, time to see who starts on the pole, ahem, who drew #1!

IT’S BRITISH BULLDOG! A favorite in this match because Davey Boy Smith won the battle royal in London a couple of months prior. Only that match had 20 guys, this one has 30!

Who’s next at #2?

MILLION DOLLAR MAN! Signified by his maniacal laugh, Ted DiBiase (Sr. that is) is accompanied down by Slutsenational Sherri. Seriously, look at that outfit!

As Ted enters the ring, he wastes no time going after Davey Boy, and this son of a bitch is underway!

In the first two minutes, there is more action than a 20 minute Hulk Hogan match. After a series of suplexes, DiBiase gets a little too cocky, and in a mis-step, he is thrown over the top by the BDS!

With a football-like timer on the lower-left-hand corner, Bulldog is waiting for #3 to come out. Let’s not forget that no one starting in the top five has ever won at this point in Rumble history! So who is it?

#3 IS RIC FLAIR! AND BOBBY HEENAN IS PISSED! Accompanied by Mr. Perfect, Flair goes in and gets dominated by the man across the pond.

#4 arrives in quick order, and accompanied by ‘Mouth of the South’ Jimmy Hart, it’s Nasty Boy Saggs! The two heels gang up on hero Davey Boy. After getting himself out of a jam, Saggs didn’t learn from DiBiase’s mistake of being cocky, and was dropkicked out of the match! Two guys out already, and its back to Flair/Smith. At this point, Heenan yells out that iconic line, “IT’S NOT FAIR TO FLAIR,” multiple times.

#5 comes out in the form of Haku. By a lot of accounts from past wrestlers, maybe the world’s toughest son of a bitch living! The big guy immediately goes after Davey, and soon enough, there’s yet another round of Double-Team. And no, I didn’t mean the Dennis Rodman movie. Haku turns on Flair in short order, which allows Ric to slide under the bottom rope momentarily. Smith gets a wicked piledriver for his efforts from Haku while Flair works on the goliath! “WHERE’S PERFECT,”  quips Heenan. “YOU KNOW THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED AT RINGSIDE?” “HE’S NOT A MANAGER, HE’S AN EXECUTIVE CONSULTANT!” “SAME THING, HE’S A PEST!” God damn do I love Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon as a commentating team! Haku is dumped like a bad bag of garbage as #6 is announced.

#6 turns out to be newly-turned-heel Shawn Michaels! Greeted to boos, you might recall Michaels threw ex-partner Marty Jannetty through the ‘Barbershop’ window. Immediately, Michaels leaves an impression. Beating up Flair, he even nails a superkick mid-ring! Showing signs of what’s to come, Michaels nearly gets eliminated by Bulldog, but an arm gets caught in the ropes! Out from being tangled, Bulldog receives an order of Crescent Kick (that’s what it was called at the time). Michaels botches a Flair maneuver, and his balls get a ride on the ropes for the trouble!

#7 comes out to ‘El Matador’ Tito Santana! Hard to believe he's only the second good guy to enter thus far! Also hard to believe what a racist gimmick this was! Flair and Bulldog are resting while the future Wrestlemania VIII combatants Michaels and Santana go toe-to-toe. This portion of the match has all four men doing something, so calling it will be difficult. Heenan claims he’d low-blow his grandmother to win the title! Bah gawd he would!

#8 turns out to be hoss Barbarian! That lug would whoop some ass, but all in the middle of some great action. The heel tandem of Barbarian and Flair try to get Bulldog over the top. This has to be like what, the fifth time DBS has been double-teamed thus far?  Multiple elimination attempts occur by the time #9 comes on down.

#9 is the opposite of a New York Winter. As a matter of act, it’s Texas Tornado Kerry Von Erich! As if it was mid-80s NWA, Flair is the target for Von Erich! Shawn gets sling-shot into the ropes, and clotheslined back down by Davey. Heenan thinks of a brilliant idea: the next person to come down should carry a crescent wrench and whack everyone with it!

#10 is announced, and the most natural gimmick to be WWE Champion has to be Repo Man Barry Darsow! A creeper, Repo takes his dear sweet time entering the ring, which pisses Monsoon off to no end. At this point, there are seven, count ‘em, SEVEN MEN IN THE RING! By the time all the action is covered, there’s another man about to hit the ring!

#11 is another NWA representative from back then, and it’s Greg ‘the Hammer’ Valentine! The smoke-house Indian-looking scruff comes in and cleans up shop! Repo gets his nards repossessed by a Flair low-blow, while Monsoon keeps nagging to Heenan about how no one who drew #’s 1-5 ever won the event.

#12 comes out in short-order, and it’s Nikolai Volkoff. Surprisingly booed, but still slapping hands, the barrel-chested Lithuanian intends on making a mark. The ring must have dozens of marks in it, in addition to the thousands of marks in attendance. Somewhere in the action, Hammer proceeds to slap a Figure-Four on Flair! Not an imitation because Hammer used that move as a finisher too! Repo eliminates Volkoff, and Volkoff is thus far the first good guy eliminated, and the first guy eliminated in quite a while.

#13 promises to bring law and order to the Rumble via Cobb County’s own Big Boss Man! The fat guy (as opposed to the slimmer 1999 variant of Ray Traylor, RIP) runs on down to enter the fracas. Valentine is quietly eliminated, as now only five men have been eliminated. Still eight men in the ring surprisingly! Repo has his title shot taken away after being eliminated, just shortly after saving Shawn’s ass from being gone himself. Noticing Flair’s in trouble, Heenan threatens to go down to ringside, but Monsoon holds him back. As Monsoon was noticing how long Flair and Bulldog were in the match, BULLDOG IS GONE! Some 25 or so minutes for the Englishman, a good effort gone to naut. Flair goes on a small roll as directly after he eliminates Bulldog, he body-drops Von Erich over the top! After a while of everyone being in the ring, the fray is getting smaller and smaller.

#14 delivers a man whose “Herculean” physique is getting softer. Yes, it is Hercules Hernandez! After beating on Flair, Hercules does his own thing while Barbarian gets his shots in on Naitch. Barbarian tries to eliminate Flair, but was ousted by Hercules instead, who in turn gets eliminated by Boss Man, whose force is so great he almost eliminates himself! WHEW! Boss Man is wagging his finger at Flair as the two brawl their way through some time. On a reversal, Boss Man hurls his body to try to eliminate Flair, but Flair does a side-step, and Boss Man is eliminated! Only Flair in the ring, and belly-flops in celebration/breather. Now we have a count! 3-2-1...

#15 IS ROWDY, RODDY, PIPER! Heenan sounds like as if his kid is being taken away by Protective Services. Piper, who is the newly-crowned Intercontinental Champion via defeating The Mountie, immediately goes to Flair and beats the crap out of him. The action even spreads to the barricade outside, even if the outside refs are reprimanding both to get back into the squared circle! Piper somehow no-sells a punch on the apron! Flair botches an atomic drop, and gets the poke to the eye for punishment. What is this, a Three Stooges short? Speaking of silly moves, what about the Airplane Spin, followed up by a Sleeper? Only up to this era were these two moves ever considered dangerous. At least Piper could pull them off. As Flair goes to la-la land, the next combatant is counted down.

#16 has one of the most endearing Rumble moments ever. For the first and only time in history, both Monsoon and Heenan simultaneously announce, “JAKE, THE SNAKE, ROBERTS.” Playing the pathological asshole role, Roberts sits in the corner while Piper puts Flair to sleep. Flair rests while Snake pounds Piper back in the corner. Shortly after Roddy saves Flair from a DDT, Flair puts Snake in a Figure-Four! All three men take turns beating each other up, while Heenan makes a double-standard about what Piper’s usual attire is. “IT’S NOT A SKIRT, IT’S A KILT! IT’S NOT A KILT, IT’S A SKIRT!” Classic heel mannerisms.

#17 gets one of the biggest pops thus far. The inaugural Rumble winner, Hacksaw Jim Duggan! Monsoon notes how he respects Flair for showing intestinal fortitude, while Heenan quips he and Flair were jobbed for going out #3! Insider term much in kayfabe 1992? Because Duggan and Piper have the same color trunks, it’s almost hard to tell the difference between the two in the ring. Here we go for the next guy out!

#18 is a guy praying for people to get their W-2’s, its Irwin R. Schyster! The Rumble is always known as a taxing event, so IRS is going for the guy who is going to pay the most first. FLAIR! It’s irony I tells ya! Snake and Flair have a meeting of the minds courtesy of Duggan, and Flair belly-flops again!

#19 is coming, and does he have to choke a bitch? It’s Supa-supa-Superfly Jimmy Snuka! While he was prolific a decade ago, Jimmy’s been reduced to barely higher than jobber status by this point. Heenan is so worn out that he doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore, poor guy. I’m surprised Flair didn’t do a blade-job after the headbutt by Snuka. You know the saying about Samoans and their hard-to-crack heads! Hey look at the time...

#20 is zombie Undertaker, accompanied by pedo Paul Bearer. Immediately, everything slows the hell down as the freshest, biggest, baddest guy hits the ring. Hard to think this was ‘Taker’s last PPV as a heel until 1998, and even here, he gets majority pop! The first to feel ‘Taker’s wrath is Snuka, who is known for being the first guy the dead man defeated at Wrestlemania. One hand, over the top, bye bye Superfly. Undertaker then proceeds to choke Flair, low-blow Duggan, and double-team Duggan with IRS. So far, the dead guy looks to be pretty good! Next guy coming up is...

#21 IS A RAVING LUNATIC MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE! Running down the ramp akin to Warrior, Savage is seeking revenge for what Jake Roberts did to him and his wife Elizabeth. Looking for Roberts, he instead got caught by ‘Taker. Seeing Savage is down, Roberts slithers his way back in to do a number on Mach. After missing a clothesline, Randy goes Savage on Snake. Not only does Savage throw Roberts over the top, but he jumps over the top as well! Somehow this doesn’t count as an elimination! Although Undertaker briefly separates Savage from Roberts, it’s not long before the Madness strikes again, and Roberts is jumped in the aisleway! Undertaker throws Savage back in, and applies a creepy looking crossface on the bottom rope. Amidst all this clusteraction...

#22 is Berzerker, accompanied by a Mr. Fuji who can’t walk worth a damn, which is sad and sympathetic. Randy Savage is almost suplexed over the top rope, but blocks it, and brings back Flair into the ring the hard way. Piper and ‘Taker simul-choke Flair, until ‘Taker puts that meaty paw on Piper!

#23 is Leaping...Virgil? Seriously, the guy went from the curtain to the ramp in record time, making Savage look like a grandpa. Heenan then accused Virgil of going through everyone’s bags in the back. “WILL YOU STOP?” Everyone currently in the ring is attacking each other as #24 is coming down.

#24 by the way is Colonel Mustafa being led down by General Adnan. Not related to Simba, instead Mustafa is the Iron Shiek, rebadged with an Iraqi gimmick. Couple of funny things here while the action is slowed a tad. #1 that Gorilla Monsoon couldn’t believe Flair is still standing, even though Flair is the king of 60 minute matches. #2, they take a wide pan of the arena, and Heenan notes no one is at the concession stand, while people are getting up to get said concessions! Flair is on his way to certain elimination when the buzzer strikes.

#25 is ‘The Model’ Rick Martel, the at-the-time holder of longest run in a Royal Rumble at some 53 minutes. Seems like this will be a sprint for him! General Adnan is nonchalantly eliminated as Undertaker goes back to choke Savage. Three people try to lift Flair over the top, but Nature Boy stays in there with pride and purpose. Monsoon is making quick notes about how Piper could be very well a dual-champion as we have a countdown...

#26 IS HULK HOGAN! The pops you hear are canned in as apparently the live audience was more mixed than a fudge swirl in vanilla ice cream. Visually, there are quite a few Knickerbockers who are giving the ‘Immortal’ one the thumbs down. Hogan is whooping ass then gets his ass whooped in short order. Hulk after that eliminates Undertaker, which draws ire from the dead man up the ramp. The viking tries to derail Hogan’s momentum, but a short removal of the bandanna leads to Berzerker’s elimination via body-drop! Virgil and Hacksaw are simultaneously eliminated.

#27 is the jobber Alligator Man Skinner! Fresh off his classic with Bret Hart the month before at TiT (that’s Tuesday in Texas), the guy goes towards Piper. IRS saves Flair from Hogan, all the while IRS gets choke-swinged by the torn t-shirt of Hogan. Piper tried to do the Mike Tyson (aka biting the ear) on Flair, but couldn’t sustain it for very long.

#28 is Sgt. Slaughter, who if you may recall at last year’s Rumble, won the WWE Championship from Ultimate Warrior. This year, as a face, he gets cheered to the ring. The Alligator Man couldn’t “skin the cat”, and thus was eliminated. Monsoon officially declares Flair as the longest-entrant ever at 55+ minutes (to this point) while Flair is staving off another attempt at elimination. While action is going on all over the place, the buzzer is ringing again!

#29 is SID JUSTICE, who gets the biggest pop of anyone in this Rumble. He almost eliminates IRS, but instead it nearly gets turned into an audit. Meanwhile, Flair is punching Hogan who is held by IRS. which astonishes Gorilla. Sid reverses a hammerlock by Flair as #30 is finally going to make his appearance!

#30 is indeed Warlord (w/ Harvey Whippleman), and that’s the last call! A neat overhead shot shows Flair on the top rope, but Hogan press-slams him over. Typical Flair spot. Out of the ring, but both under the bottom rope, Hogan successfully suplexes Flair on the mat! Sgt. Slaughter takes a wild shot into the steel post, and sayonara to the Sarge! After sustaining a big boot, Flair gets up and Monsoon officially states he’s been in there for an hour! While Hogan gets chopped into “God mode”, IRS is quietly eliminated by Piper. Hogan and Sid team up to take out Warlord. Sid, on a hot streak, eliminates both Roddy Piper and Rick Martel!

That means we’re down to the final four. Hogan. Sid. Flair. Savage. All four with impressive credentials, and all four with a license to maim. Savage is quickly eliminated by Sid. Hogan and Flair trade chops back to the ropes, where Flair is hanging on by a thread. Hogan loses the leverage game as Sid lifts him over!

As Hogan is on the outside, he yanks Sid by the hands, and with an assist from Flair, Sid goes over!

FLAIR WINS!

FLAIR WINS!

FLAIR WINS!

Bobby Heenan just passed an orgasm, and Gorilla Monsoon is in shock.

Flair gets out of Hogan’s jealous dodge, while Sid comes up and wants to brawl!

Flair and Perfect are all smiles as the Undisputed WWE Champion is about to be given the belt in a post-match interview.

“I’m going to tell you all with a tear in my eye- this is the greatest moment in my life. This championship makes you number one!”

That quote not only put WWE over, but buried WCW to no end. After a hellacious 1991 WCW run, Flair went to the WWE in search of a new beginning. After the ‘Real World’s Champion’ gimmick that played out with blurred out belts, Flair was given this chance in the 1992 Royal Rumble, and he added a second definition to the term ‘60 Minute Man’.

---

IN CONCLUSION: The greatest Rumble match ever. Bar none.

Ric Flair even said himself in his first DVD collection that this was the greatest talent pool in WWE history. An eclectic mixture of styles, gimmicks, and philosophies, there is not a Rumble match that could exceed this. 2004 was close, VERY close, but no cigar.

Looking at some of the combatants, there were some stand-out performances. Flair notwithstanding, some of the best performers in the best were Davey Boy Smith, Shawn Michaels, Jake Roberts, Randy Savage, and for what it is worth, IRS. As a matter of fact, almost everyone in this match came out looking better than they did before. Except Hogan that is.

For a one-off title match, this was extraordinary. Hardly a filler spot to be had, and every man in there looked important. This is the sort of booking that WWE needs to view again.  A ***** classic is there ever was one. 

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The 10,000th View Post: Street Fight at the Royal Rumble!

(Just a fair bit of warning: This post has more disturbing content than usual, so if you’re someone squeamish, turn away. If not, then enjoy!)

In celebration of 10,000 views on the blog and the 25th Anniversary (ahem, edition) of the Royal Rumble, today there will be something very special covered. A match that is not only an epic war, but also a match selected as a top match in a prior entry.

In case you didn’t look at the above graphic, it’s the Street Fight for the WWE Championship from the 2000 Rumble.

For a man whose body was screaming for him to retire (or his wife Collette for that matter), Mick Foley whipped himself into top shape as possible for this epic encounter. Losing some 20 pounds while being kept off the road (i.e: house shows), Mick further built the myth and legend of his hardcore alter-ego, Cactus Jack.

In terms of storyline, it all began on the 1.10.00 edition of RAW. Foley as Mankind was squaring off against Triple H, but only the two were in the middle of a eight man tag war (Triple H had D-X buddies New Age Outlaws and X-Pac, while Sock had Rock and the APA).

Once the two were the legal men however, the floor was all theirs. Triple H, and I don’t say this lightly, beat the living shit out of Mankind. Coupling ring-bell shots with a Pedigree through the announcer table, Mankind was suddenly a bloody mess. A mess that stretched from his head, down through his mask, and onto his shirt! A disgustingly horrific sight for sure.

Back in the ring, Triple H notched a second Pedigree for a clean win. After the loss, it seemed as if Foley was reborn.

Knocking down The Game, the deranged alter-ego of Foley did the pistol-like right hands, with the knee to the face following. Apparently that running knee had so much force it legitimately bruised Foley’s sternum!

Making his point known, Foley tops off his rage with chucking the steel steps into Helmsley’s grizzled face. Although Triple H was declared the winner, it was the perfect definition of a pyrrhic victory. BANG BANG!

The following Thursday on SMACKDOWN, Mankind stated that after the beating he took at the hands of Helmsley, he wouldn’t be able to face the champ in a Street Fight. There would be a substitute named however, and that name was...

CACTUS JACK!

Removing the bloody button-up dress shirt to reveal the newly-printed Cactus shirt below, Foley went down to the ring while Triple H looked on in horror as this mythic figure was coming down.

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Pardon me for the sidetrack, but there is one elephant in the room that deserves to be mentioned.

A few years prior, Cactus Jack was introduced to the WWE in a Falls Count Anywhere environment. Guess who was his opponent? Triple H!

____________________________________________

Back to your regularly scheduled special edition post.

As noted earlier, the next few shows of WWE programming had Mick building up this Cactus character, one of Japanese death fare and exploding rings. Mick also described Cactus as the type of guy who went to cheap hotels, and trying to save a few bucks, his cuts would stick to the sheets! HE’S HARDCORE!

January 23rd, 2000 would be the day where the war would be battled. The field in which this epic fight occurred was no other than Madison Square Garden, Add in the pomp and circumstance a Royal Rumble usually brings, and it equals something very special in the making.

____________________________________________

Since this Rumble had the Street Fight theme, there was a special entryway. Using the “hidden” entrance that is unique to the mecca, decorations of a taxi cab, bricks, wooden pallets, etc., were used to mimic a NYC street.

Cactus Jack is introduced first. Greeted to big pop from MSG, the hardcore legend looked to start 2000 on a huge note.

Coming out second is the WWE Champion, Triple H. Dastardly and despicable, the Cerebral Assassin looks to make a name for himself at the expense of his opponent.

Although Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley accompanies her husband down the aisle, she gives him a quick kiss and goes to the back. This is certainly no place for a lady, or in Jim Ross’ dictionary, a jezebel!

Cactus is so set on destroying Triple H, Earl Hebner has to hold him back while the champ makes his entrance!

After Helmsley makes his presence known, Hebner quickly holds up the title. There is no time being wasted here!

On the Hard Knocks and Cheap Pops DVD, Mick states that he and Triple H are doing some serious jaw-jacking. Helmsley’s cologne of choice to the match was so overwhelming, Cactus asked Triple H what was the brand? Not liking the answer, the two then traded right hands.

“I don’t know what the challenger had to say to the champion, but the talking has stopped. The action has begun, and the Street Fight... for the WWF Championship... is underway!”

Cactus dominates the match early, with a swinging neckbreaker on the floor followed by a leg drop on the ropes as exclamation points.

Over the timekeeper’s table, Triple H quickly turns the tide with a timely shot. The ring bell is once again gracing the face of Foley. As Foley recovers, Triple H rolls back into the squared circle with a chair.

Like a matador to a vicious bull, Triple H has the chair ready to swinging on Cactus’ proverbial horns.

Triple H unloads with a VICIOUS chairshot, only for Foley to pop like up like it was nothing!

After pretty much giving Helmsley his free shot, Cactus gets one in of his own: a legdrop on top of a chair that was placed over Helmsley’s head! This earns the first near-fall of the contest.

Back to the outside, Helmsley charges into Cactus, only to be back-bodydropped into the audience.

“THESE ARE CACTUS’ FANS,” exclaims Jerry Lawler who tries to explain why this match isn’t fair to Hunter.

After brawling in the first six rows, the two land right in the aisleway from the stairs.

Foley, using the environment to his advantage, sets up two broken pallets in the aisle. This sets up a NASTY suplex on the wood, and now a gash appears on Hunter’s leg. Helmsley also eats some trash can for his troubles.

After the wood meeting, Cactus sets up another meeting. Mr. Helmsley, Mr. WWF door. Go meet it! He does, a lot of times in quick succession!

“This has gone too far,” JR notes. So far this feels tame!

In a sense of desperation. Hunter snags in a quick suplex on the trash can.

After more brawling which results in Hunter eating steel steps, Cactus retrieves a weapon from underneath the ring.

What is it you think?

How about this?

Laced in barbed wire, this piece of wood sure seems to be stiff on impact!

(leaves room)

After that innuendo, Cactus attempts to use it, but Hunter snags a nut shot.

Picking up the proverbial loaded gun, Hunter unloads on Cactus.

Almost getting in a head-shot, Helmsley gets a strike to the gut. Cactus then sets up for a low-blow of his own, but instead uses Stick Stickley as his alibi!

Cactus nails the double-armed DDT as Hebner gets that wood out of here. So far, the removal of the plank got more heat than Helmsley!

Jack got a near-fall from said DDT, but now is looking for the wood again. He bullies Hebner into telling him where it is. Poor Hugo Savinovich doesn’t get a break, and receives a right hand! Carlos does the drug deal, and gives Cactus the wood back. Isn’t he a nice guy or what?

Cactus is ready to swing, but the ref is holding him back. As Cactus switches sides, he moves out of the way so Hunter gets to Hebner, As Hebner goes down, so does Helmsley, but H got his courtesy of the home run swung by Cactus!

Both Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler go batshit crazy, and assumingly, both their undershorts will need changing.

A near-fall occurs, but even with Triple H kicking out, the blood loss from Hunter is now very much evident. One huff, and a cut turns from a cut to a near-crimson mask. Gruesome stuff up-close.

JR noted these two had a license to maim. That’s what this match should have been underscored as, “Street Fight: License to Maim”! Instant money!

In the following sequence, Cactus sets up Hunter on the announce table. A piledriver is called for, but instead, H bodydrops the hardcore persona. The table collapses under the weight, and another look of the blood loss is accrued.

Attempting a Pedigree, Hunter instead eats the steel post, and then is given a modified Bulldog on the barbed wire wood that just so happened to lie there!

After yet another near-fall, Cactus does his double-clothesline on Hunter over the top. Cactus tries to charge Hunter into the steps again, but Jack instead gets slammed onto the steps, with his knees slamming onto the metal! OUCH! Triple H then whips Cactus into the steps, the momentum of which sends Jack FLYING over the steps completely!

Another humorous part to mention. Lawler asks about how Triple H has the stamina to endure to much pain, in which JR replies he is a stud. Simultaneously, a whole bunch of women do that whistling thing while Hunter rolls into the ring. Gotta love Attitude crowds!

Hunter gets the better of Jack in this portion, with a few stiff barbed wire shots to the left leg.

Staggering like a punch-drunk fool, Hunter yanks handcuffs away from Howard Finkel. With visions of 1999 dancing in his head, Hunter got punched in the head a couple of times before finally fulfilling the warrant on Cactus.

With Cactus cuffed, Hunter gets some free shots in.

Hunter then gets the steps what there cocked ever so slightly by a hurling Cactus from earlier. With evil intent, Trips tries to deck Cactus in the head, but Cactus hits the drop-toe-hold, and Triple H is now spitting up Chiclets!

Gaining some momentum, Cactus gets out of the corner with a kick to Triple H’s face, a falling low-blow, and then some biting that would make Hannibal Lecter proud. Yes, give that man some fava beans and a nice chianti as well!

Hunter swings the tide yet again with a clothesline. A close-up shows Cactus’ mangled ear, which JR claims was lost in ‘combat’. When we mean combat, we mean WCW, Germany, 1994.

Grabbing a chair, the blood-caked Game delivers some spine-tingling shots. The third shot was so hard that a flap of the chair went flying down the aisle as Cactus fell out the ring! Cue the holy shit chant! Sadly it never happened.

Triple H catches up with Cactus in the aisle, delivers a headshot with the chair.

With a scary visual of a bloody mouth, Cactus dares for Triple H to hit him again. Instead of Cactus getting knocked down like a railroad spike, he gets something else.

THE ROCK!

THE ROCK!

CHAIRSHOT! GAME DOWN!

While the crowd goes nuts, a NYPD officer frees the Long Island native from the cuffs.

Both men are up as Cactus brawls with Triple H to the Spanish announcer table. Let’s not forget the WWE one was eliminated earlier in the bodydrop.

Cactus successfully executes the piledriver, BUT THE TABLE DOESN’T GO DOWN! That has to be the first time, the last time, and the only time the Spanish table gets the free pass.

With both men back in the ring, Cactus gets a bag. Not just any bag though. A BAG OF FUCKING THUMBTACKS! YES I SAID THE ‘F’ BOMB AND I’M PROUD OF IT!

Stephanie comes rushing down, trying to reason with Cactus, but to no avail. Cactus gives right hand after right hand to Triple H, trying to make him fall into the tacks.

Gaining some momentum, Triple H senses the urgency, and drops Cactus like a bad habit into the tacks! A close-up reveals that Cactus has almost a new layer of wardrobe.

Cactus walks right into a Pedigree. This should be over, right?!?!?!

NO!

CACTUS KICKS OUT, AND THE MSG FAITHFUL HAVE GONE APESHIT!

As the crowd chants ‘FOLEY’, Cactus walks yet into another Pedigree. This time, onto the TACKS!

This finally kills Cactus, as the 1-2-3 is counted down. So after nearly a half hour of brawling, blood, guts, and mischief, Triple H is STILL YOUR WWE CHAMPION!

Before the post-match buffoonery begins, let’s look at Stephanie McMahon, shall we?

That’s better.

Yuck.

Triple H is helped onto a stretcher, but a tack-induced Cactus Jack is not done with him. Throwing him back into the ring, Cactus delivers yet ANOTHER barbed wire shot into the face! After Cactus’ music hits, this finally ends it.