Bad Booking Rants on 3-Hour RAWS

As I am starting my creative oil so to speak, I read this article on my desktop. I nearly bang my head on my desk.

Just fresh off the presses:

WWE RAW is going three hours PERMANENTLY starting July 23rd. That day also just so happens to be the 1,000th episode of the program.

An additional news piece came in about the official press release. Vince McMahon touts this as how it will be the next in line for a new generation of interactive television where fans can help create the show.

I’m thinking, “WHY?!?!?!?”

RAW in it’s current two-hour form is a boring mess. While I had noted in the PG post that WWE had been trying to make a better product, it has regressed severely since the ‘YES’ fad and the return of Brock Lesnar.

Worse yet, WWE (from what I’ve read but not confirmed) has a new outlook on television where literally storylines change week from week, i.e: pushes are suddenly halted and angles have loose endings.

Three hours.

REALLY?

I have enough trouble going through RAW in the first place. Never mind the fact I intentionally skip the second hour for more sleep: the first hour lulls me to sleep worse than the 2000 Daytona 500. If you NASCAR haters really want to see a race that’s 500 miles of cars going in a circle, that one is essentially it! 

Think of it this way: We may have the opportunity to see a half hour CM Punk match every week. No problem. At the same time, we could see a dance-off competition between Brodus Clay and Vickie Guerrero last that same amount of time.

And what would that extra hour be? It’s rumored to be a pre-show, but I doubt it. Vince wants that to be a rambling hour to be sure. Extra long promos for the hell of it!
We all know how Nitro’s three hour shows were. They essentially turned into Gilligan’s Island shipwrecks where three hours turned into eternity!

This ‘new’ three-hour format will not work. The sporadic three hour RAWs with special gimmicks were tough, but now they’ll become permanent fixtures? Ughh, someone pass me the Grey Poupon!
_________
ADDITION (6/22/17): I still stand by everything I have said all that time ago.

The WWE landscape has changed a lot during this time. We have the brand split again, the main event scene is dominated by people you would have seen on tape-trading years ago, NXT is kicking ass, and we have regular programming on the WWE Network that outshines most of what airs on the USA Network.

Yet RAW, with its direction akin to a cow looking at an oncoming train, is still three damn hours long. Not full of potentially exciting in-ring action, but of recaps, bullshittery, and maybe a notable match that should be saved for the big events on the Network.
I understand the politics behind it, plus the ever-present ad dollars behind it, but literally its just too much of too many things that never get enough attention.

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Now here’s a video of bodies going through tables!

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Kyle Busch, Puerile NASCAR Driver, Parked for Weekend!

For a rare NASCAR article, this one is a biggie.

Last night in the Camping World Truck Series race at Texas Motor Speedway, “the line was crossed”, so to speak.

Kyle Busch in his own #18 Toyota was racing Ron Hornaday in the #33 Chevy that was running for the championship in the series. Both of them made it three wide in turn two after coming up on the lapped truck of Johnny Chapman, who quite frankly is to this race what Charlie Kimball is to the Indianapolis 500. If you want to see where my analogy comes from, please read this entry.

Or watch this. Doesn’t matter.

With how this three-wide deal, even for a split second, affects the aerodynamics on the trucks, it seems that one of those trucks was bound to get hairy.

And it was Hornaday’s.

Ron, who is a former four-time champ of the series, got loose (or the rear tires slipped out from under him) in the center of the turn, ran up into Kyle, and they both tagged the wall.

Caution is out by the time both damaged trucks hit the backstretch.

Busch, obviously and understandably displeased, runs up the tailgate of Hornaday’s truck, and sends him head-on into the wall in turn three. Busch wrecked his own truck in the process.

And away we go!

This is where the proverbial shit hits the fan.

Kyle, who has had history of immature on-track behavior, was parked for the rest of the night.

In a move not seen since 2005 for the higher-up division, NASCAR has parked Busch for the rest of the weekend. That means Kyle won’t be in the Nationwide race, or in the Sprint Cup race, where he is amongst the twelve men running for the title in “The Chase”.

While I’m not surprised, I am really disappointed in the man also known as “Shrub”.

The younger Busch brother (whose older brother Kurt is a former Sprint Cup champion), has had one of those seasons where when it looked like he was going to be a role model, he achieves something so stupid it really brings home the moniker, “one step forward, two steps backward.”

Let’s all go back to the Showtime Southern 500 Sprint Cup race from Darlington in South Carolina.

Kyle, who had been racing with Kevin Harvick in the #29 quite hard, sent Harvick careening into not only Kevin’s teammate Clint Bowyer (who wrecked), but also got spun from the right rear fender as well. That usually means WAR!

Post-race, Kevin got out of his car (engine shut off) to show his displeasure to Busch. Kyle wants none of it, and punts Harvick’s car right into the pit road wall, with no one at the wall and no engine on. The actions of both men would slap them with four-race probation periods.

To figure, Regan Smith’s win was totally ignored.

Now let’s all go back to Texas.

Hornaday’s truck is owned by KHI, or Kevin Harvick Incorporated. Delana, who is Kevin’s wife, is the written owner of the truck. The team was going for the truck title, but now is officially out of the hunt following the on-track skirmish.

While the inadvertent ironies are enough for this angle, I will say this: Kyle better step up, or step aside. A man boy with too much talent should be focusing on the big picture, not on wrecking people he doesn’t race with on a regular basis. It also wouldn’t hurt sometimes to check your ego at the door when it’s time to eat humble pie.

Oh, did I tell you the last man NASCAR parked for the weekend in Cup was Kyle’s older brother Kurt for “blowing too much”? When I mean that, I mean DWI kids.

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The Video Game Entry: Playstation (One)

Boring Intro: Sometimes in this crazy world, there is nothing more relaxing, more social, or more entertaining than playing a good video game, whether it’s by yourself or with friends.

My current gaming credentials are as follows: I own a Xbox 360, slim, connected to a 37” Vizio with HDMI. I’m a Gold subscriber (pretty much have to be), with a controller, a headset, and about 10-12 games. Also where I live, there’s a Sega Genesis in the living room, and a Playstation 2 plus original Xbox downstairs.

Today, we’re focusing on the original Playstation, the evolutionary leap in the next generation up from the last review .

In was mid-1998, and Blockbuster was slowly starting to faze out Sega Genesis games. It got to the point where when they fully stopped, my Mom wrote a nasty letter about the issue.

How was she rewarded you ask?

Got a whole bunch of free rentals, but for the games that were in stock.

Back in the summer of that year, she did one thing you can’t do at Blockbuster anymore: she rented a system. The system, was indeed Playstation.

As you can see, the picture of the system came with a controller that was made before the invention of Dualshock. The system was pretty simple in design, where the button on the left would turn on the system/turn off the system, while the button on the right would open the disc hatch. You could also play music CD’s in there, so if you needed to do work of any sort, now you have background noise coming from the gaming system!

If anyone was wondering what games were first sampled, my Mom rented Gran Turismo and the Bubsy game that was in 3-D.

Gran Turismo was an experience. For you younger gamers, you have to understand: by that 98 summer, the best game we might have had for racing was the Super Monaco games. Sure Mario Kart might have been born, but that was for the Nintendo 64, and my family was NEVER a Nintendo one.

License tests? Cars you can buy, modify, and race at the same time? How an adjustment can radically change the characteristics of a car? Once upon a time on Sega, choosing between transmissions were the only thing you can do!

Some things were apparent: the Subaru rally car is the best handling race car in the Simulation mode, the Dodge Viper GTS should be run in the “stock” race, and the Honda del Sol was surprisingly one of the best handling cars in the Arcade mode!

The memories the memories. 883 horsepower Toyota Supra RZ waiting to spin out on a moment’s notice!

Bubsy on the other hand was a game that should have never been released. After two stellar games on the Genesis, #3(d) was released to horrid reviews, mainly about the unplayable controls. Sure enough, not even ten minutes were used up and they game was CHUCKED!

Be thankful if your only exposure to this piece of crap is this well-done review!

After some deliberation, the Playstation was a keeper. In early August, mom loaded us all up in the 1987 Mercury Grand Marquis and went to K-Mart in the center of town. Playstation, Gran Turismo, and FROGGER were purchased, and thus the next chapter in my gaming heritage is born.

While all the males (which included me, my bro, and my dad even) were hog wild into GT, my sister went another route. My sis and I were brought to Toys R Us to spend our birthday money. I got NASCAR 98 (which I still have to this day), and my sis got Parappa the Rapper (which I believe is still lying around as well).

Parappa was one of those games that, while I hating playing it, I loved WATCHING it. You know what’s up when Master Onion teaches you karate and rapping in the same session!

Kick, punch, it’s all in the mind!

Throughout the game you deal with frogs, chickens, and other assorted animals “rapping”, and then you face off against them in the final level of the game. This is one of those games that definitely gave a unique voice to the PS family, that is for sure!

As for my NASCAR ‘98, well, its an ODD game. For starters, it was meant to be an arcade game and not a simulation game, so there are some weird physics.

For example, when did you ever get to cut a 12 second lap at Bristol?

Or when could you cut a 52 second lap at Talladega when running 213 MPH the whole time?

Anywhos, my favorite thing about the whole game is a cheat code. You start a race, pause the screen, and go down to the lineup line (or something similar). Press “x” to enter that screen, and hold down all four buttons on the top of the controller (the L1,L2,R1,R2 buttons) at the same time. An engine noise will be activated, and thus the paintballs will too. Press Triangle to execute those bad boys.

I preferred going from 24th to 1st at Bristol in 2 laps myself, LOL.

Over time, the library expanded to include the likes of not only the four games mentioned, but also GT2, NASCAR 99-2001 (though 2001 truly sucked), NASCAR Heat, Final Fantasy Tactics, Reboot, Need for Speed III Hot Pursuit, Test Drives 5 and 6, the list goes on.

However, there is one game I didn’t mention in that list that I’m going to talk about somewhat in-depth here.

That game would be SKULL MONKEYS!

(And yes, the cover of that game is exactly how I have it too!)

During the free rental bonanza of 1998-1999, this was a game that was debated about amongst the family in the stores. After some discussion, the game was picked up, and we had no idea how awesome this game was.

After the opening screens, which was highlighted by a video prefaced with ‘a bad man falling out of the sky’, we’d be treated to a side-scroller that had hamster nun-chucks and UNIVERSE, ENEMA!!!!

This game had a password system, which was odd because most PS1 games at that point allowed you to save stuff on memory cards.

For me, the game draws a lot of comparison to Kid Chameleon. It is a unique game beset of traditional conventions. It is also a very long game (some 200+ levels), and the controls are VERY slippery at times. Jumps that look like they can land could sometimes be well off the mark, just like Kid!

Also like Kid, the “teleports” aren’t exactly normal either. At the end of the level, you’re mostly given one of two choices, a white ball that transfers to the next level that isn’t too hard and another colored ball (ranging from purple to red) that gives you a hard time of a level.

One area where the game shines big time is the soundtrack. Because the PS1 took advantage of the CD’s they were written on, there was a TON of music written and used for the game. Music varieties ranged from moderately-tempo’ed traditional game music, to jive, to folk, and even some “soft rock” of the bonus levels.

Here is a little bonus room where you can play…

I’d also be remiss if I forgot to mention about the “musical fruit”.

You know how the song goes!

After renting the game, it made such a lasting impression that I asked for it for my 10th birthday in 1999. And I got it! And it received TONS of play time not only in the PSOne (which was the renamed/redesigned version), but also in the PS2, whose entry will be very soon in the offing.

Unfortunately, the system was struck by a common ailment in Sony gaming products: DISC READ ERROR! Since this was later 2001, and Playstation 2 was just released, it seems like we got ourselves a setup for the next chapter!

In conclusion, I miss the PS1. It was a simple system, had good games, and it served as a evolution from 16-bit to 32-bit gaming. However, it will quickly become ancient history as the PS2 will take over and pretty much become the biggest video game system in history.

BBB’s Takes: Memorial Day Weekend Racing

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The main difference between this and a review is the fact that this will mostly be a reflection upon analogies and personal tribulations from a certain event, as compared to a full-on scription of what happened during that said event.

Therefore, May 29th, 2011 will be remembered as the day where the most unexpected trials in auto racing occurred. For non-racing fans, this may not be the best blog to read. To the rest of you who have even a slight interest, prepare to read on.

As I woke up at 9AM, the Grand Prix of Monaco (or Cote D’Azur for you Gran Turismo fans) was going on. When I first tuned in, Sebastian Vettel had a commanding lead, and was most likely going to have as commanding a win to match.

However, that man from Red Bull had really old tires and planned to finish the race on them. This allowed  the Ferrari of Fernando Alonso AND the McLaren Mercedes of Jenson Button to catch up. In a series where ten second margin of victories are standard operating procedure, a three car duel for the win and the glory is just not something you see everyday. In layman’s terms, it was going to be something special.

With ten laps remaining, the three cars were neck and neck. That’s when the race took a devastating turn. A massive accident involving Jaime Alguersuari and Vitaly Petrov caused the red flag to be displayed. While it turned out Petrov’s prognosis was good, strategy came to call.

Caused the red flag, but at least no one who too terribly hurt. To the best of my knowledge.

Under F1 red flag rules, you can actually, ahem, CHANGE TIRES! Do that in NASCAR, you’re screwed! So Vettel changed the tires, and when the green flag displayed, he ran…he ran so far away. And he strived, to get away… and win Monaco! A little anti-climatic, but even the ho-hum ending had means to it, something most F1 races DON’T have!

About two hours later, the Indy 500 took the green. I was out doing errands, so I joined in at around 70 laps in.

For the most part, the 500 was kinda uneventful. I felt bad for Sam Schmidt, whose two cars of Alex Tagliani and Townsend Bell were taken out due to crashes. I was going to add in a tasteless joke about Sam’s paralysis, but I’ve got something better. You’ll see.

Fuel strategy was the name of the game. Guys like Dario Franchitti, Danica Patrick. this Baguette kid, Graham Rahal, Dan Wheldon, they all tried (or knew they would fail and pit anyway) to make it to the end.

However, the last man standing seemingly looked to be J.R Hildebrand, a rookie! He had a commanding lead on the final lap. All he had to do was coast, and the milk with the Borg Warner trophy would be his.

Four and a half second lead? That won’t win this 500!

Upon entrance of turn four, J.R. saw a much slower car in the racing groove. Avoiding him, J.R. went one lane higher, and it resulted in the biggest crash of the day. Off turn four, and to the line with dragging sheetmetal, J.R. slowly but surely lost the race to Dan Wheldon, a former champion who to the shock of everyone is only racing part-time (not of his choosing).

The car that J.R. was trying to avoid was the Novo Nordisk car driven by a legitimate diabetic named Charlie Kimball. Insert your Twinkie-based joke here!

So after a couple of hours of outrage, here comes 600 miles at Charlotte. The Coca Cola 600 was coming onto the airwaves, and Carl Edwards was seemingly the favorite . After tearing up the car during a post-race celebration from the All-Star event the week before, it didn’t faze Edwards one bit.

For the longest time, Matt Kenseth was driving his Jeremiah Weed mobile around that place with a pretty wheel. At one point, had a NINE SECOND LEAD. That is also not normal standard operating procedure.

With a flurry of cautions, the final 60 laps shaped up to be tension-filled on the fuel. Fuel conservation went across the board, and apparently, some peoples’ luck ran out before others.

Kenseth had to pit, Jeff Gordon had to pit, amongst others.

A caution with five to go for Jimmie Johnson’s blown motor, complete with f-bomb from Chad Knaus on the radio, shook up the race completely. Many cars that didn’t pit before…. didn’t pit now with the exception of leader Greg Biffle. Poor Biffle went from two laps down and faulty cooling to losing the race on fuel strategy.

Anywhos, last restart. Kasey Kahne was leading, but went dry on the restart, triggering a mini-pileup behind him, Surprisingly, no caution, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. was in the lead. Would be break the losing streak?

ONE MORE LAP!

Dale Jr. was running away, running away, and then… it went dry. Turn four, he lost it all, and Kevin Harvick passed him to the line and won for the third time this year. That’s also the third time Kevin won with taking the lead with less than ten laps to go.

Dale Jr. experiences more heartbreak, and Harvick’s ‘closer’ legend is becoming stronger.

Another irony: Dale Jr’s car was sponsored by the National Guard, the same sponsor who slapped their logos on the J.R Hildebrand car that lost it on the final lap and final turn of the Indy 500.

Add in Ryan Newman’s crash, whose car was sponsored by the Army, and suddenly the Armed Forces got a horrible treatment on a weekend where they were mourning the lost, but celebrating their accomplishments at the same time.

By this time, it’s 11:30 on the east coast in the night, and I must sleep. Whew!

BBB’s Reviews: 2005 Coca Cola 600

When a racetrack gets a “makeover”, the biggest worry about that circuit is how well will the drivers adapt to the new surface. At Charlotte (ahem, Lowe’s at the time) Motor Speedway in 2005, the track was levigated, or smoothed of its cracks/anomalies. What followed was a race that could be considered at one of the biggest disasters in the history of NASCAR. Take a trip back in time, if six years is really that long, and let’s look back at the race that would set the modern-day record of cautions in a NASCAR Sprint (or Nextel at time of running) race.

As a “surprise”, and when I mean surprise I mean standard operating procedure at the time, Ryan Newman slapped his #12 Alltel Dodge  on the pole at a then-record speed of 192.988 miles per hour. Tom Carnegie impression here, “NEWWW TRACK RECORD!”

Most of the Rick Hendrick-owned cars were in the top ten too, with Jeff Gordon in his #24 Dupont on the outside pole, two-time defending champion of the race Jimmie Johnson in the #48 Lowe’s car lining up fifth with then-rookie Kyle Busch in the #5 Carquest car alongside for sixth. The other two (Brian Vickers in the #25 Ditech.com mobile and Terry Labonte in the retro Kellogg’s #44) were 14th and 26th.

The green flag flew with very cloudy skies overhead. Ryan Newman got the early lead while Jeff Gordon would rebound from a bad start. As a matter of fact, Jeff would roar to the lead with Kyle Busch keeping pace. After Jeff’s car fell off a tiny a bit, Kyle’s time had come to lead. So far not so bad.

Two quick cautions in the first ten laps of the event. For starters, Martin Truex Jr. looked like an idiot after getting out of the groove and slapping the wall in a SAFER manner. Keep in mind Truex wasn’t exactly a NASCAR rookie, as he was defending Busch Grand National champion. His only crime was that it was his third race in the big leagues, and his first two didn’t go so well. An engine failure at Atlanta and tire problems at Homestead have left the young man without a finish so far. With about 590+ miles to go, that little hit in the wall doesn’t seem like much. Let’s see where that takes him later…

Meanwhile, Kurt Busch didn’t get his night off to a great start either. Riding mid-pack on lap 10, the elder Busch lost it off turn two and slammed both the outside and inside walls, damaging his car to a severe degree. Later on in the event, running some 140 laps down, Busch proverbially went behind the barn and shot the car down. The interview after the first crash wasn’t exactly cheery, and he predicted he’d finished in the 40’s on this night. Correcto!

For a little while in this race, there was a green flag look to it. Hendrick cars dominated under the green as some guys were moving up (Harvick was in the top ten by lap 80 or so from 33rd starting spot) while some guys moved back (pole-sitter Newman fell to about 18th with an ill-handling race car). Kyle Busch looked like he could do a “trifecta”, as he won the truck race the week before and the Busch race the day before. Could it be this kid’s night?

Once lap 94 hit, a flurry of cautions reigned on in. For example, caution #3 was for a piece of debris on lap 94. Shortly after the green from that delay, Mike Skinner in the #23 blew an engine and some cars went around. In the crash, there is an infamous camera angle where #10 Scott Riggs spins, and nearly hits the rear-end of #15 Michael Waltrip’s car! Four cars involved in caution #4!

It took a few laps to clean the track of debris and other miscellany, but soon enough the oval would have problems of its own.

Jeff Gordon had to pit under the previous caution for a flat right-rear tire. While it saved him from a green flag pitstop, it did not save him from slamming into a part of the sealer and damaging the valence in the front. The guy going for his fifth title causes the fifth caution on this night.

What is ironic about this is that the same thing happened to Jeff at Martinsville the year prior when a part of the racetrack came up and damaged his front-end there too! However, there would be no red-flags for track clean-up on this night related to track-related damage.

This whole flurry of cautions shook up the field. After what would be the 5th caution, #77 Travis Kvapil stayed out on the track and led some laps. Meanwhile, it would backfire on Johnny Sauter, as his #09 car would shred a tire trying to make up time lost on a prior pit-stop flub-up. Yep, already 6 cautions into the event!

As the old philosophy goes, sometimes you need a caution, but then you wind up the caution. For owner James Finch, his chances of winning went from little to nil in a heartbeat.

Before I mention the next caution, it was mentioned on the telecast, so I’ll mention it here. Joe Lee Johnson, the winner of the inaugural winner of the 600 back in 1960, passed on earlier in that week at the age of 76.

A quickie caution #7 for a slight spin from #38 Elliott Sadler set up the next caution #8 for Kurt to slam the wall down again. Between this and the wreck from Bristol, I’d say the #97 earned the red badge of courage!

An extremely hard hit, almost flush on the driver’s door. At least there was none of the sponsor in the car, but later on in the year, he wouldn’t be so lucky…

Another round of “strategy stops”, aka a mixture of people staying out and people pitting in, landed Brian Vickers into the lead. While not really imperative to the rest of the running, a little “miracle” occurred when #8 Dale Earnhardt Jr. got boxed in, and while it seemed like 10 cars passed him, it looked like a scenario that would have easily caused a yellow. 

With more than 20 cautions in this one (with about 15 to go or so), this is a small thing to cover in a field worth of bang-ups and has-rans. Meanwhile, covering pit communications of #8, #88 Dale Jarrett nearly wrecks in front of him because of a loose race car.

The second longest-run of the event at this point happens here as between laps 166-200, NO CAUTIONS! Good lord, I didn’t know racing clean existed at this track!

9th caution occurs when Scott Wimmer ruins the party on lap 201. He got tapped by Ricky Rudd and spins off turn four. #40 Sterling Marlin speeds through the pits to avoid the spinning Wimmermobile, but for going like a CAT (that’s the sponsor of Wimmer’s car), he gets served a penalty because Marlin never bothered to slow down while in the pits. 

Yeah, I thought that was crap too.

A wild set of pitstops doesn’t change the fact that Ryan Newman is the leader (from before the caution), and well, we got a ton of cautions left to go!

Speaking of cautions, the #77 causes the 10th caution of the night when he hits the wall off turn four, and then hits the wall in turn one completely knocking the fire out of the Dodge. Not a Kodak moment for that Penske-satellite team!

If I can set-up an “climatic” moment for a second, I just noticed something. On the telecast there is a list of men who won this event 3+ times, and Mike Joy noted of those men, Jeff Gordon is the only man still active. Little would Mike know that someone would win their third one tonight!

With that out of the way, whew, the restart! And as soon as that happens, Robby Gordon in the #7 gets a lap back the hardway, and then caution #11 for lap 217!

This one is a doosy: Casey Mears got in trouble with Truex in turn two, spins, and down the track, he collects his teammate Marlin, who then slams the wall hard on the backstretch with the right-hand door. Somewhere, a ‘Chip’ fell off his block!

The last Ganassi bullet now is Jamie McMurray, who is still on the lead lap, but by my estimation, is running anywhere between 9th and 29th depending on if he pitted. That’s how crazy this race is!

Did I speak too soon? #12th caution on lap 228 is because Jamie wrecked! Yep, Chip’s batting average is PERFECT on wrecked cars. Only thing Jamie failed to do is involve more cars.

Chip’s got the look that is opposite of elated, and I’m pretty sure he mouthed the f-bomb too!

Mike Joy now says they’re only a couple away from tying the record set in the 1980 race! HAHA! That should be a trip to see it fall and then some!

Oh lookie, Jeff Gordon is back to the front! With differing pit strategies, bet on him not being there long!

Speaking of Gordons, Robby causes caution #13 on lap 235 because of spin that WAS NOT caused by Truex. What horrible luck for that self-owned driver, he leaks fluid, loses two laps, gets them both back “the hard way”, then loses it and falls out of contention for the rest of the night. Oh well, water under the bridge…

The #42 does an encore spin for caution #14 on lap 240. I don’t think a bad lounge singer does encore, so neither should this guy. Somehow, Jamie finishes on the lead lap in 21st.

Shortly after the restart, the first big one of the night occurs on lap 245. The 15th caution involves the #15 of Michael Waltrip, getting bump-drafted off Dale Earnhardt Jr. in the 8 on the frontstretch (both men are teammates), while the #17 and #44 were collected. All four cars got big-time damage, and well, NAPA knows nothing by this wreck.

This accident is also ironic, because it reminds me of another wreck. Want to take a guess? Bueller? Okay, it’s the wreck from the All-Star race the year before when Kurt Busch bump-drafted his teammate #16 of Greg Biffle down the front stretch, and collected some 10 cars before it was all said and done. Almost same execution too, really uncanny how teammates caused it all.

Back from commercial and pitstops, it shows all three Ray Evernham Dodges in the top three! The #91 of Bill Elliott, the #9 of Kasey Kahne, and the #19 of Jerem(eth)y Mayfield! With Rusty Wallace in the #2 in fifth, Dodges have four of the top five spots! That doesn’t happen at all, even back then. There are still 150 laps to go, HELP ME!!!!

Moral of the story: thou shalt not bump-draft in the straights!

After hearing Michael Waltrip rightly bitch out the track for not putting up SAFER barriers on the straights, green flag is back on lap 253.

Elliott Sadler took his Pedigree and woofed his way to the front on lap 265, passing Bill Elliott to do it. This marks the 23rd lead change of the race, and a chance for a guy to “spin-and-win”!

16th caution of the race for, DEBRIS! AGAIN? WHY? You know the deal with pitstops.

Funny little sidenote here, the FOX broadcasting team (Joy, Larry McReynolds, Darrell Waltrip) all gloat about how Mark Martin is retiring from NASCAR following the 2005 season. LOL, not only did it not happen, but 2009 was the best thing to almost ever happen to Mark!

Future teammate Jeff Gordon led at the restart, lost it to present teammate Brian Vickers a few laps later. Meanwhile, the younger Busch may have an engine blowing up as it sounds off and runs a few miles an hour slower than leader pace.

Speaking of blown engines, Ricky Rudd is well on his way to losing a Roush powerplant in that #21 machine. Caution #17 on lap 290 is caused shortly thereafter due to Dave Blaney doing some questionable driving in the grass. Uh, Jack Daniels is the sponsor, DUH!

After stops, Kasey Kahne regains the lead in that 9 car. Kyle Busch stayed a little longer for the crew to look at the engine. Sparks out of the exhaust? Terminal as AIDS pal.

KK loses the lead on lap 300 after Vickers shows the magic of four fresh tires compared to older tires on Kahne’s.

The 18th caution of the night on lap 308 occurs when Rudd’s powerplant finally crapped the bed to a big plumb of smoke. Kasey Kahne apparently is having problems with electrical issues. Oh boy, not good…

In this long run, Dale Jarrett had to pit under green on 330 and lost a lap to the leaders. Cracked wheel caused a vibration.

Also, the 4 and the 5 had some “fun” moments of contact, no real consequence. However, the #10 of Scott Riggs is having a problem with a motor. Hendrick must be shaking his head…

Great oogley moogley, green flag pitstops start on lap 350! Kasey Kahne fouled it all up for the 19th caution of the night, as he shredded a tire after missing the pits. Carl Edwards inherited the lead because he didn’t pit yet.

This restart looks fun. Carl’s still the leader, but he’s mired deep in traffic because the cars who pitted before the caution got the wave-around.

Rusty Wallace spun the tires, and Tony Stewart’s car is damaged pretty well in the left-front. And SPARKING! That’s not something you want on a aero track, not at all, no sir!

An Army of One, that #01 of Joe Nemechek takes the lead from Carl on lap 364.

#20th caution on lap 367 happens when Dave Blaney stops on the track. I guess he lost his bottle. Meanwhile, DJ is TICKED at Carl for roughing him up on the straight a lap prior to the caution. Little rough-up, nothing too big. DJ will get back to the lead lap due to the lucky dog rule.

Restart on lap 373 is clean, Joe Nemechek runs away from the the field.

I think its right around here they notice the #37 car of Kevin Lepage. It’s a Dodge, but it’s sponsor is out of the ordinary.

That sponsor is UNDERDOG!

The actual cartoon, and not the cruddy movie released a few years later. Darrell Waltrip wonders if the crew chief is Riff Raff, while Larry McReynolds knows for sure that Sweet Poly Purebred is not the spotter, but Lepage’s wife IS!

Caution #21, a record, and a BIG ONE! Robby Gordon slowed due to a flattening tire, and Brian Vickers dump-drafted Bill Elliott. Bump-drafting at Charlotte is a very “lowe-ly” thing to do. That led to multiple cars being involved, like Mark Martin, Jeff Gordon, Kevin Harvick, etc.

To paraphrase Tom Carnegie, “”NEW TRACK RECORD!” Of not a very good sort.

For Brian Vickers, another attempt at victory foiled because of a short-sighted mistake. At this point, Brian has had flashes of brilliance, but could never get the full package together. This race just proved it, as Brian would get the bonus for leading the most laps, but not that big check.

Joe leads on the restart, THEN WRECKS! As well as Scott Wimmer! You know what this means? Caution #22!!! Double piece of crap! That means Bobby Labonte in the #18, sponsored by Fed-Ex because Jason Leffler and the #11 is a slowpoke, is now in the lead!

Close-ups show Jimmie nearly get wrecked out! And this wreck brings out the red flag!

It was surprisingly short, and everyone got in formation in short order. Restart to come, STRAP ON THOSE BELTS ONE MORE TIME!

Bobby Labonte, an established veteran, leads Carl Edwards, a rookie, to the restart.

Jimmie Johnson might as well be a surgeon, because he precisely drives beneath Ryan Newman on lap 395, and then Carl Edwards on 396. Jimmie wants to WIN, shipped via Fedex!

For three laps, Jimmie struggles, and struggles as Bobby turns up the wick. It’s gonna be a good one!

Last lap, Jimmie drove it into turn three, and got the run off turn four. He passes Labonte AT THE LINE AND WINS THE RACE!

Jimmie Johnson yanks victory from the jaws of defeat. Even Bobby Labonte bows to Jimmie.

Wanna know something ironic? That’s how Johnson lost the Atlanta race in March to Carl Edwards, almost same exact racing strategy.

Even the soon-to-be five-time champ got stumped by a rookie!

Let’s also give some props to where they are due:

- Martin Truex Jr. finishes his first Cup event (as noted the other two prior starts were DNF’s), in the top ten no less with seventh!

- Dale Jarrett came from a lap down to finish ninth! Keep in mind, he fell a lap down with only a hundred miles to go, a distance that easily could have went green. Might have handled like a truck, but it didn’t show it!

- Bobby Labonte, after FIVE DNF’s in the opening segment of the year, gets a second place effort.

- One last shout-out to Underdog. No, not Underbird , but the actual car. With a limited budget and resources, Kevin Lepage wheeled a start-and-park quality car to a 12th place effort! Completed all laps, and hardly without a dent. Good job dude!

 In conclusion, that race was exhausting! The race lasted 5 hours and 12 minutes, 22 cautions, 37 lead changes, 20 different drivers lead, and still 20 cars on the LEAD LAP! It was a disaster to watch, especially at the half, but man was that finish awesome.