Top 15 SummerSlam Sizzlers Part One

It will be here before you know it! WWE’s got their big annual summertime tradition coming up in the form of SummerSlam.

Since its inception, SummerSlam has generally been regarded as the second biggest PPV of WWE’s fiscal year. Storylines begin, climax, and end all during this time. In the background, strange one-off occurrences can also make their presences known.  Some of these accentuating angles may not seem big at first, but time can definitely measure the staying power.

By this definition, a ‘sizzler’ could very well be a synonym for ‘attribute’. In this countdown, you will see major revelations, reveals, flashes, screwjobs, etcetera, that have made SummerSlam the hottest ticket for PPV subscribers since the inaugural event in 1988.

Without further ado, time to put the meat of the article on the grill and let it… sizzle.

_________________________________________________

 

15. Team WWE Got It’s Seventh Man Fit to be Tied…-SummerSlam 2010

The irony is overwhelming in the year 2013.

 

Wow, three years ago already? For a lot of us fans, this seemed like only yesterday!

As a good chunk of this audience recalls, one of the most shocking debuts in WWE history definitely belongs to the renegade group known as The Nexus. Consisting of all the NXT rookies from the first season (Wade Barrett, Michael Tarver, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Skip Sheffield (aka Ryback), and Darren Young), their signature plan of attack would be to surround the ring, then scavenger the prey like savages.

Now notice how I “forgot” to type in someone’s else in the above description.

That last man in the equation was Daniel Bryan.

Bryan, whose real name is Bryan Danielson, was an indie darling before coming to the WWE, and also by far the most experienced wrestler the group had. On the NXT show however, he was made to look like the never-say-die guy who lost all the time.

That had no affect on Bryan going into the Nexus debut.

All eight of these rookies on June the 7th made their menacing alliance in an orchestrated, albeit unpredictable attack on John Cena. From the ramp and the audience themselves, these band of misfits suddenly looked like they were a force to be reckoned with.

A force… that literally destroyed the RAW set!

In the fracas, Bryan got to ring announcer Justin Roberts. Bryan used Roberts’ own tie to choke the bastard purple.

This caused Bryan to be “fired” from the WWE.

In an unwritten rule, apparently no chokes can be used in a WWE match. When this rule was enacted, the author doesn’t know. There were aspirations from other forces to be at hand too, but their impression wouldn’t last too long here.

By the time SummerSlam rolled around, Team Nexus (which practically was the aforementioned group with Bryan) versus Team WWE was practically announced as the main event for the show. While Nexus had seven of their guys, WWE still needed one more.

While several men, including Money in the Bank holder The Miz, applied, only one man was selected.

Say hello to the Benedict Arnold of NXT himself, Daniel Bryan!

The Los Angeles crowd were in Staples (yeah, sorry for the pun) over the choice. It was ironic given the affiliations, and yet all so satisfying because we all thought Bryan was gone from the WWE never to be heard from again. Bryan would ultimately make Darren Young tap, but also get eliminated by Wade Barrett (thanks in no small part to Miz).

To think: John Cena picked Daniel Bryan to be on their team in 2010. Now in 2013, Cena picked Bryan to be his opponent for the WWE Championship. This could be HUGE come August the 18th, but for right now, let’s celebrate the shock that was the seventh man being Daniel Bryan.

In addition, I give you the infamous ‘butthole’ promo from Arn Anderson during this time period:

14. The Winds of Change- SummerSlam 2002

 

(Author’s Note: Please read that title in Wade Barrett’s voice. It’s all part of the “bigga pitcha”, one that is never understood nor explained…)

On one corner, is devastation defined. A big brutish dude that stands 6’4”, 295 pounds, has a great mouthpiece in Paul Heyman, and that doesn’t even begin to describe strength feats that read out of a Paul Bunyan playbook. NCAA Champion and soon-to-be UFC fighter, this guy can destroy anyone!

In the other corner, is the definition of a great champion. The pride of Miami, Florida at 275 pounds. A football star turned into hereditary WWE star. A third-generation wrestler, he defied the odds of nearly being let go into becoming arguably the most successful man inside and outside the ring.

You’re damn right Brock and Rock had a lot of hype!

Brock Lesnar earned his championship opportunity by beating Rob Van Dam in the finals of the King of the Ring tournament. A tournament whose stipulation was that the winner earns an Undisputed WWE Championship match at the SummerSlam PPV. Brock’s torrid rapture through the WWE claimed that milestone only a mere three months after he debuted.

The Rock on the other hand was well… The Rock. After filming for several months, Rocky came back in-ring at Vengeance. He defeated The Undertaker and Kurt Angle to win ‘Taker’s Undisputed title.

Naturally, the stage was set: The rookie vs. the veteran. Youth vs. experience. Strength vs. agility.

The match was a grueling testament to both men. In addition was a raucous crowd of Long Islanders, who had switched their alliances during the match.

Between the crowd flipping and the inevitable, Brock Lesnar won the Undisputed Championship, and a trip to the great unknown.

It was quite a trip to see Lesnar win the title so fast and so convincingly. However, he would have to carry that momentum into the months ahead. Brock did an admirable job, setting up a face turn and more WWE title runs ahead of him.

He also paved the way for such men as Edge, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, amongst others, to creep up through the woodwork. The SMACKDOWN roster was the workhorse brand of the WWE, and with Lesnar as its main associate, the future looked very bright indeed.

13. Undertaker URNED That Turn!- SummerSlam 1996

 

As mentioned above, new storyline twists can certainly begin at the summertime tradition. This shocking betrayal is no exception.

For the most part, Undertaker has had feuds that came and went with no real continuity. With the exception of perhaps Yokozuna and the Million Dollar Corporation, Undertaker’s six-year run in the WWE by this point seemed unfestered by a continuous pest.

That was until Mankind showed up.

Mankind debuted the night after WrestleMania XII. He won his match with Sparky Plugg Bob Holly, and then attacked ‘Taker later in the main event.

This led to a King of the Ring singles match. It also led to something truly unprecedented. Undertaker, a character whose only times of loss came with humongous shenanigans, lost clean as a sheet, VIA SUBMISSION, to Mankind.

In a mini-feud with Goldust, ‘Taker came out on the losing end of a match at International Incident. Not because he lost (technically won via DQ), but it was due to Mankind pulling ‘Taker underneath the ring. After ‘Taker gets his wits about him, he starts beating up Mankind back to the locker room, THEN A BOILER ROOM!

So alas we are given a Boiler Room Brawl for SummerSlam.

In the mix lies Paul Bearer. A man who even with all this bad news going for ‘Taker is steadfast by his side, ready to take the hits when needed.

Only at SummerSlam, it was Paul who provided the hit of his own.

After a lengthy brawl in the boiler room, Mankind and Undertaker went back to the ring. The stip was that the winner had to get the urn from Paul Bearer.

Seemed natural for ‘Taker to win, right?

Nope!

‘Taker kneeled trying to get the urn, but instead was jumped by Mankind. Bearer laughed in the corner as the Mandible Claw once again choked the dead out of the Dead Man. Mankind, like a member of gang, held Undertaker like prey, waiting for more slaps and berating from the heinously fat human being. If PB is a human being…

For now, it shattered the relationship of two men who were deemed un-separable. Undertaker got his power from the urn, but now that device lies within Bearer, and new alias Mankind. This feud would continue with a Buried Alive match, a Survivor Series match where Bearer was suspended above a ring, and then a No Holds Barred match on RAW to cap 1996.

And this all happened before Hell in the Cell!

Long story short: it was a memorable turn. Unexpected and shocking, it played to a dark tune that would later be a great diversifier in the to-come Attitude Era.

12. Goldberg Loses The Game- SummerSlam 2003

 

It was clobbering time for Goldberg!

Triple H, the evil leader of Evolution, has had a stranglehold on the WHC dating back to Armageddon, December of last year.

Hunter had overcome every obstacle before him. Scott Steiner. Booker T. Kevin Nash. Shawn Michaels (again). Rob Van Dam. Kane (whom had to unmask). The list was full of talented and boisterous superstars who all fell to The Game one time or another.

Except Goldberg hadn’t really encountered HHH yet.

Sure there was a confrontation, or a match announcement, but no big deal.

Until the Elimination Chamber.

What saved Triple H initially was getting kicked right in the fucking face by Shawn Michaels. Yes, Trips was talking trash in the pod, the timer ran out, and HBK waited to deliver that present right to his kisser. It was glorious!

Goldberg not too long thereafter came in and dominated everything that moved with the subtlety of a Acela train!

Now it was down to the Goldberg and Triple H show-down!

Goldberg seemed to have his way early. He kicked the plexiglass of Triple H’s domain like Jack Nicholson with an axe. Soon thereafter, Goldberg raked Triple H’s bloody forehead against the chain of the Chamber.

Triple H would have divine intervention by the name of Ric Flair.

Flair was able to get a sledgehammer in-between cracks of the Chamber. It was a well-devised ploy by the Nature Boy.

As Goldberg ran for the spear, he intercepted the sledge instead of Trips’ body, This allowed a weak Triple H to get the pin and the win.

In most video games, the penalty for game over is by starting all the way back either at the beginning of the game or that particular level. For the bald-headed monster, it was a beat-down.

A bloody roar of a beatdown!

Trips and Flair were joined by Randy Orton, whom ironically ate a Goldberg Spear earlier in the match.

Some slaps, some punches, and some ever-lasting sledgie shots. All in a days work for the dealers.

This pissed a lot of internet fans when this happened. Primarily because the original outcome should have been Goldberg beating Triple H to become champion.

In a singles match!

Triple H legitimately had a torn groin muscle at this point. He was wearing those long pants for a reason kids, and he still had to consummate a marriage a couple of months later! Goldberg was also injured, hampered by shoulder problems for the last couple of months.

From what this author deducts, SummerSlam could have been a disaster if both of the main headliners were injured and unable to go 100%. In its wake lied a perfect excuse to add four other guys and make this a Chamber match. Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, Kevin Nash, and Randy Orton were added in what was essentially a disguise. A disguise to the bigger picture ahead, which at Unforgiven, finally gave us the one-on-one with Goldberg/HHH that everyone wanted.

Knowing that, it’s almost safe to say that it was the best of all worlds. WWE wasn’t playing the predictable card. The villain came out really heinous here, and it made the paying audience willing to see his execution the next month. Not only did Goldberg’s slay (as opposed to Santa’s Slay) play an important role in that time period, but it would make Goldberg’s success all the much more sweeter.

Let’s also not forget that it also made the single-brand PPV’s the thing to watch due to that foresight.

Here’s an added video of Chris Jericho dying for his sins:

OUCH!

11. Liz Flashes Her Mega Bucks- SummerSlam 1988

Now for something a little more innocent. If a woman flashing her covered undercarriage is considered that…

At the inaugural SummerSlam, the main event consisted of The Mega Powers (Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage) versus The Mega Bucks (Ted DiBiase & Andre the Giant). The WWE Championship was not up for grabs, but pride certainly was.

Let’s also add in a special referee, Jesse Ventura, who had dollars slipped into his pocket by DiBiase to ensure the match was rigged! This was before the days of…

The powers that be were certainly aligning to make sure this match was going to be memorable!

But not in the way you expected.

Later on in the contest, Savage tried to drop the elbow on Andre. Sadly for the Macho Man, he took a size 20 boot to the kisser and flew out of the ring like a Frisbee! Hogan tried to use DiBiase’s own finisher, the Million Dollar Dream, against him. Before it took real effect, Andre attacked Hogan from behind. Andre’s headbutts to Hogan’s neck sent Hulk packing to the ringside area.

Both the Mega Powers are down! Jesse tried to start a count, but Elizabeth was standing on the ring apron. So were the managers of the Mega Bucks, Virgil and Bobby Heenan!

In an act of defiance, Liz ripped off the skirt of her dress to show red undies!

This stopped EVERYTHING in its tracks!

At least just long enough to where Hogan and Savage can do a power shake and recover!

Hogan comes back in and Andre goes for him. What Andre doesn’t see is Savage flying with an axe handle to the back! Andre lumbers out the ring while DiBiase gets the crap beat out of him. Hogan slammed DiBiase, Savage dropped the flying elbow, then Hogan capped it off with the leg drop. Hogan made the pin, but Savage forcibly threw down Ventura’s hand to the canvas for a ‘3’.

Before you go asking yourself why I included this on the list, consider the following:

In 1988, women were merely footnotes in wrestling. They were either wrestling in macabre matches, or they were valets. Rarely did they speak, and rarely did they do anything of significance. Sure Cyndi Lauper made things exciting a few years before with the Rock n’ Wrestling stuff, but no actual woman on the wrestler had the power to fully convince an audience of their endeavors.

Elizabeth was a ground-breaking woman in this regard. Either a heel or a face supporting Randy, her doting eyes at ringside could tell a story like almost no one else. She was classy, dignified, and also irresistible. Men wanted to be with her, and women wanted to be her.

Which leads to this.

This was the one time where she intentionally objectified herself in the open so she could help her men overcome the battle at hand. It made a regular match memorable certainly, but this was also unheard of!

This took place years before women wore intentionally skimpy clothing to elicit a pop from the crowd. Hell, I think some men forget Lita was a legit good wrestler. All they remember is whatever color strap of thong she was wearing that week.

Sure Kaitlyn might have popped a nipple on RAW a while back, or Sable had hands painted onto her breasts, but don’t forget how they all started. It was a result of desperation tactics from the person you’d least expect.

Freaking Hulk also managed to throw that piece of cloth into the audience! Spunk bunk indeedth!

_________________________________________________

 

In the next installment of ‘Sizzlers’: A dose of Attitude, but not in the way you expect. It was the beginning of a run, and the start of the end for one superstar in particular. The most hilarious unprofessional overselling of all time is discussed. This and more in the next post!

_______________________________________________

 

Quick trivia tidbit: What do the first installments of WrestleMania, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, and SummerSlam all have in common? Other than Hulk Hogan being WWE Champion, it should be noted that the WWE Championship was not up for grabs in any of these events!!! At ‘Mania and SummerSlam, Hogan was in big-time tag team matches. Survivor Series is self-explanatory as he was the captain of his team. At the inaugural Rumble, Hogan had a contract signing with Andre the Giant for Saturday Night’s Main Event, but did not wrestle!

Technorati Tags: wwe,wwf,summerslam,wrestlemania,royal rumble,survivor series,daniel bryan,john cena,chris jericho,edge,bret hart,r-truth,john morrison,the nexus,wade barrett,heath slater,michael tarver,justin gabriel,skip sheffield,david otunga,darren young,brock lesnar,paul heyman,the rock,undertaker,kurt angle,mankind,paul bearer,boiler room brawl,elimination chamber,kevin nash,randy orton,goldberg,shawn michaels sledgehammer,handcuffs,chain,steel,in your house,goldust,jesse ventura,hulk hogan,randy savage,elizabeth,ted dibiase,andre the giant,bobby heenan,virgil,panties,thong,dress,skirt,lita,kaitlyn,sable,aj lee,diva,csi miami,sizzle,summer,ppv,bad booking,amazon,youtube

 

 

 

 

 

How is WrestleMania Shaping Up?

We're just a few short weeks away from WrestleMania!

At this point, we're just past the halfway point between Elimination Chamber and the show of all shows.

The headlining matches are set in stone. All we need is some well-executed story angles, and then a million purchases of the PPV will be made around the world.

While we are still in the midst of buildup, I'm gonna offer some opinions on how the matches are playing out so far. Now I'm not going to go into the undercard, but will stay primarily in the ballpark of the card that screams, “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!”

First up, and the most obvious rematch, The Rock versus John Cena for the WWE Championship.

Most of the internet predicted how they would come together back months before, and sadly, WWE stayed true to that course. At the Royal Rumble in January, Cena won the Rumble match while The Rock won the title later in the evening from CM Punk. With the exception of a couple of roadblocks (like Cena/Punk on RAW that was an easy four-star encounter), nothing wavered. I will give WWE credit on two things however. First, the March 4^th edition of RAW had a really strong promo segment with both combatants. Most of the ring time these two shared featured quotable quotables that were nothing more than puerile jokes that got old faster than The Truth Commission. This promo was different. Rock and Cena seemed both passionate and hard-edged on their their respective approaches to WrestleMania. It was straight to the point with no bullshit. In a day and age where inappropriate verbal jabs are on call, this was shockingly refreshing. Number two is that the week after (3/11), both men were not on the broadcast. The Rock was promoting the new G.I Joe movie in South Korea, with WWE Championship around his waist. Rock's inconsistent live appearances were an issue in past buildups of 'Mania, but at least this time, WWE took note that Rock had legit big-name blockbusters to promote, and that they couldn't play the satellite card. Cena was also taken off the broadcast so he can rest and let the audience grow fonder. The only thing that can be done to make this angle more tasty is to turn Cena temporarily heel. Knowing WWE's hardline stance on their bread-winner, its probably never going to happen. In the mean-time, lets all hope and pray that Rock will be in better ring shape, and not look winded in three minutes.

Next up we're gonna discuss Brock Lesnar and Triple H.

Another rematch with roots stemming back to as early as last May. Brock has broken Triple H's arm twice, once on RAW and once at SummerSlam during their first encounter. Triple H looked like he had intended to step away following his bitter submission defeat. Things changed dramatically as Lesnar returned to flatten Vince McMahon, H's father-in-law. Vince's bedside following hip replacement surgery invigorated The Game. Sean Bean, erm, TRIPLE H was back! Trips busted Lesnar up during their scuffle, and also shook the man's confidence somewhat. Brock in return destroyed The New Age Outlaws, the tag team portion of H's long-time mainstay group of D-Generation X. Paul Heyman furthered up the suspense even further that although Brock said yes to the challenge, Lesnar was going to decide what match it is going to be AFTER the contract was signed. MMA? Hell in the Cell? Last Man Standing? Your guess is as good as mine. This build has been good, but I hope the match turns out to be better than their battle in Los Angeles.

Following that we have Undertaker and CM Punk.

Of all the matches so far announced, this was by far the most rushed match done yet. It feels like it has been done 'Joker' style as in there have been no plans. With how bad Undertaker's health was rumored to be, they had to scramble for 'Taker to say yes, and if he did, make angles accordingly. How Punk entered the predicament, by winning a Fatal-Four-Way on RAW, was so bad that it caused the head of creative to be canned. It's not all pushing daisies though. The untimely death of Paul Bearer inadvertently really helped this angle get massive heat. Punk finally looks like a dastardly bastard with Undertaker (AND KANE) seeking revenge. I just really wished WWE took my idea. Two hurt men could be public relations disaster at 'Mania, and with something obvious on the horizon (the breakup of Team Hell No), its better to make a tag match with these guys at 'Mania. Honestly, the matches these two had in 2009 weren’t great by any stretch, and this would not be any better. I would love to see more mind games come to play, especially ones from Punk.

Last up for bids today is the World Heavyweight Championship power struggle between Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger.

Jack Swagger came back with a vengeance. After being left off television for roughly six months, he came back with a new look, new attitude, and a new mouthpiece in Dutch Mantell, aka Zeb Coulter. This match came together after Swagger won the Elimination Chamber match at the same-named PPV. With a extremist Tea Party parody as a speaker, Swagger’s America was rolling seemingly to a title win. Only Biff from Back to the Future got pulled over for speeding while weeding and potentially put the whole thing to flux. Through incomprehensible media attention, from TMZ to Glen Beck, Swagger's 'Mania match was saved. The outcome predictably points to ADR retaining (most likely via submission), but the fact we have racist 2004-JBL-style promos/videos back in the WWE is entertaining and hilarious. Even if it isn't PC, or PG.

Speaking of using drugs to get over, it's time to put this post to rest. WrestleMania still has tons of potential in the bank, but WWE needs to pull the trigger on additional lures of bait. Let's all hope that the ensuing show turns out to be the biggest smash the promotion has yet!

Technorati Tags: wwe,wwe championship,wrestlemania 29,elimination chamber,royal rumble,summerslam,world heavyweight championship,vince mcmahon,bad booking,john cena,the rock,cm punk,undertaker,paul bearer,paul heyman,brock lesnar,triple h,new age outlaws,d-generation x,shawn michaels,alberto del rio,jack swagger,zeb coulter,dutch mantell,jbl,pg era,pc,submission,tmz,glen beck,dui,weed,back to the future,push,bury

How Outsourcing is Bad for WrestleMania

WrestleMania is going to be a loaded card this year for sure. No doubt about it.

WWE's 29th annual year-end culmination is emanating from MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey on April the 7th. Since the company is having their biggest show in the Northeast this year, the demands of this portion of the WWE Universe faithful will be higher than the average paying audience.

So in this pomp and pageantry, Vince and company are going to pull out all the stops. Everything the WWE perceives in their year (fiscal and kayfabe) lies on this one night in time.

The full-time roster has a talent pool capable of generating a big show on their own. There are established main eventers like John Cena, Sheamus, Randy Orton, CM Punk, amongst others who can deliver in the upper-card. Mid-carders like Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, and others who are ready to have their break-out moment. A nicely planned four-hour extravaganza can easily be pulled off with nearly a million buys.

However, there are many part-time big-name talents who get called upon just to build a program in the hopes of popping a bigger gate/buyrate for the show.

In a way, this isn't a new practice. To prove this, let's take a look back at the first 'Mania.

Back in 1985 when Vince McMahon first conceived WrestleMania, he called upon many big names to appear. Celebrities like:

Mr. T

Cyndi Lauper

Muhammad Ali

Liberace with The Rockettes

Those people amongst others were contracted in the hopes of giving Vince's new creation national exposure. Keep in mind that since this was 1985, WWE didn't have the national vernacular that it would earn years later. It's understandable that a company must go all for broke in order to back a great vision and Vince wasn't going to back down. WrestleMania proved to be a great outing for McMahon as the heaping returns ensured the future of the company.

As the company became more comfortable with their big stage, the emphasis on celebrities extrapolating the buzz subsided. In a about-face, celebrities have actually asked WWE to be on their show. Whether it is for a promo or even a match, WWE benefits because they get to lure in the audience with the hinting of something additional. The major difference in this time compared to then is that the wrestlers do the sell job while the celebrities are the icing on the cake.

This all sounds dandy and good, but there is another problem to divert to. The selling of WrestleMania to consumers isn't done primarily by the full-time roster anymore.

Instead it is by the stars of yesteryear.

Superstars like The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, and Undertaker are sought in to help pop the buyrates. More than likely they will work with the full-time main event talent to help raise their legends while cementing legacies of their own.

The problem lies within not that they're with the WWE or even that they are in WrestleMania, but how much of the show they are taking away from the rest of the full-time roster.

Let's face it: most of these men are put into matches lasting at least twenty some-odd minutes. When you account entrances with other gimmicks, its not possible to see a particular segment of the show run nearly a full hour.

Now I know that's exaggerated for most programs, but it is not impossible. Those drawn-out portions affect other segments with the unintended potential of leaving advertised matches off the card altogether.

Like the 1980's, this has an effect on the talent as well. While most of the boys had really good paychecks, it was commonly known that they resented having outsiders take away time from their feuds. It was as if their hard work wasn't good enough to earn a spot in the biggest gathering of the year.

That is the problem crippling the mid-card of today's WWE.

Superstars like the aforementioned Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, amongst others have had the talent to get to the next level. One thing or another has denied them all (although in Sandow's case he's been on the main roster a relatively short time).

For example, Daniel Bryan and Sheamus were given the shaft two years in a row. WrestleMania 27 saw their United States Championship match left off the show completely while their World Heavyweight Championship match a year later only went eighteen seconds! Both men were able to overcome these oversights, but their success is the exception not the rule. Sheamus is even a bona-fide main-eventer, but is not seen in the same league as a Randy Orton or John Cena.

You're reading this now thinking, “Gee, this seemed like a great history lesson delving into another WWE rant on the mistreatment of mid-carders.”

Well, not exactly.

What I am trying to prove is that WWE's philosophy on booking big events is not new. This may never change, but times are different and they shouldn't rely on gimmicks gone by to generate revenue.

As implied earlier, the major difference between 1985 and 2013 is that WWE in 2013 doesn't need a whole ton of help popping a gate. The World Wide Wrestling Federation evolved from a regional Northeastern territory with traces of NWA heritage to World Wrestling Entertainment, a global conglomerate whose business is the measuring stick for all other sports/entertainment companies to be compared to. WWE has also survived steroid trials, the Monday Night Wars, a name change, Chris Benoit, amongst other outrages. Almost anyone on any given street corner can identify WWE one way or another. Whether it is a classic Hulk Hogan moment, a Rock/Austin standoff, or even John Cena on a box of Fruity Pebbles, WWE has practically written themselves on the fabric of America whether us as fans know it or not.

Meanwhile, back at the proverbial ranch, it almost seems as if WWE doesn't have the confidence to allow the mid-carders to advance. Sure there are times where they are thrust into the promised land. Most of the time though it is either in a multi-man match or a throwaway episode of RAW/SMACKDOWN. It's hard to fathom there was a time not long ago where a match like Matt Hardy and Rey Mysterio convincingly main evented a show.

With how today's WWE has been booked, it can be easily depicted if that the superstar isn't a main event talent, they just don't matter.

That being said, as detrimental as it sounds, WWE had been doing a good job over the last decade of relying on their own talent to garner success. However, the WWE is falling into the “safe” arms of what is deemed marketable. The Rock is a movie star with several big-budget profit makers to his credit. Brock Lesnar was a UFC Heavyweight Champion, and UFC has proven to generate monster buyrates no matter who highlights the card. Triple H and The Undertaker as noted earlier are two men who have proven their worth on a full-time grind, but should really take a backseat to let their bodies heal. Let's also add that Triple H is now a corporate man whose decisions based on talent relations and other aspects could easily affect the company's future.

WWE has a talent pool that can easily put on a show that can earn the moniker of “The Grandest Stage of Them All”. The main-eventers are established with a mid-card waiting for their next big moment. There doesn't need to be a help in buyrates, and even a lower-than-expected number will generate profit for the company to easily run off of the entire year.

Even with a (not likely) lower-than-anticipated buyrate for 'Mania, don't feel bad about the long-term fiscal aspects. WWE has so many side-outlets and sponsors that the company's financial stability will be ensured for years to come. It's something that cannot be said of 1985, 1995, or even majority of the beloved Attitude Era. Say what you will about the PG Era, but it has allowed Vince and company to branch out with the added ability of ensuring consistent business.

In conclusion, WWE doesn't need outside attractions to headline a WrestleMania. The company doesn't live or die by buyrates, ratings, or even if a certain performer does well or not. This isn't the dark ages or even Attitude. This is an era where WWE is building a foundation focusing on that third initial of their brand name. Money will come in no matter how good/bad a certain event does. While it is nice to have nostalgia pops for men who can still go in the ring, this is not their time.

ADDITION: This doesn’t happen often but I realized I left something out. It needs to be addressed.

There is one more argument to the outsourcing topic and why it isn’t great for business.

The rest of the year!

Let’s face it: A regular WWE year sees action pick up big time either the week after, or maybe a couple weeks after the December pay-per-view.

Big angles are coming to the surface, and big names are teased.

January passes. Rumble happens.

February passes. Elimination Chamber happens.

March is more or less a build-up month. WrestleMania happens either at the end of March or the beginning of April.

The big names in question come in, say their peace, do their match, and leave.

Somehow, WWE has to adequately follow that up.

Extreme Rules, which will happen a little later than usual this year, is usually the synonym for “rematch”. WWE has a somewhat failsafe built into play.

As soon as that event is over, the business falls like a rock.

And I don’t mean Dwayne Johnson.

Ratings for the television go down. The general interest in the product goes down. And if the last five years were any indication, John Cena will dominate the airwaves more than the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

WWE bringing in all these guys for a short time unrealistically sets the bar for the rest of the year. And as more time goes on, these men are getting less effective at their jobs.

Look at The Rock so far going into the Rumble 2013. CM Punk has laid waste to him in promos and looks more convincing as WWE Champion. I’m not even saying that in kayfabe. I’m seeing that as two men with passion for the business, that one looks that much better than the other.

Undertaker’s promo abilities have been dreadful too. The last three or four years, week in and week out, it’s been the same promo about “Last Outlaw” this and “End of an Era” that. With his injury list a who’s who of contorted bones and structures, I’m afraid his last WrestleMania moment will be a suddenly stopped match with a legitimate stretcher job.

Don’t even get me started on Lesnar. Zack Ryder can speak better than him. Plus, Lesnar works so scarily stiff that I believe he will legitimately break someone’s arm in a match without meaning to.

Collectively, I’m burnt out by the notion these same guys will come in, do practically two months of work, leave, and rinse/lather/repeat.

I just wish WWE could take a page out of 1997-1999 and make the WHOLE ROSTER care again. Everyone had a distinct character, voice, and mannerisms. Perennial mid-carders like Val Venis and Godfather get pops back then that were consistent to those of a man in the upper-card today like Randy Orton or Sheamus.

To quote George Carlin: “I have no end for this so I take a small bow…”

 

Technorati Tags: wwe,wwwf,wwf,wrestlemania,vince mcmahon,metlife stadium,east rutherford new jersey,mr. t,cyndi lauper,liberace,rockettes,muhammad ali,1985,1995,attitude era,steroids,chris benoit,john cena,cm punk,the rock,brock lesnar,undertaker,triple h,koifi kingston,damien sandow,cody rhodes,kane,daniel bryan,sheamus,pg era,matt hardy,rey mysterio,raw,smackdown

RAW IS ATTITUDE CHRISTMAS 12/22/97 Recap

Is everyone up for a Christmas spirit?

Alright boys and girls come around the circle. I’m gonna recap an episode of RAW that has Goldust as a Christmas Tree, Vader as Santa Claus, D-Generation X doing ‘ nice’ things with ‘naughty’ intentions, Paul Bearer giving Undertaker some coal, and New Age Outlaws air-chilling Mankind like a piece of shrunken meat! Get your hot chocolate and Royal Dansk cookies ready, it’s time for a Christmas with Attitude! 

Before the recap of the show, a little prologue.

This episode of RAW takes place in a dark time of WWE history. Taking place a month out from the Montreal Screwjob, WWE's ratings in the war were near the lowest they  could ever reach. WCW just came off their most momentous PPV event in history with Starrcade. WWE  were desperately trying to find out ways to ameliorate the damage.

While WWE would be in full damage control, it was also obvious that the gap between the D-Generation X event and January's Royal Rumble would be an astonishing six weeks. A holiday episode would not throw WWE off track too much, and if done well, could easily lay down solid foundation for the Rumble.

So if you’ve been nice, here is my  gift to you. If you have been naughty, well there is a gift somewhere in there…

The opening video package is more or less a riches to rags story of the Legion of Doom.

Once hailed as the greatest tag team in all the world, the Road Warriors were taken down a peg by a rag-tag group of juvenile delinquents. Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Chyna, Road Dogg Jesse James, and Bad Ass Billy Gunn all took turns taking down the duo of Hawk and Animal.

While Animal was driven through an announce table, Hawk had his signature hairpiece shaven off completely. The degenerates stood tall while the fallen warriors looked completely helpless. What hell will happen this week?

Damn was that older style RAW intro AWESOME! Fires pop out of nowhere, brawls are happening on the tip of a hat, and most important, it makes you feel FUCKING PUMPED for the show!

With the camera panning out the crowd, it is really hard to miss the snow-like confetti falling in the arena.

It looks really shitty on camera, almost as shitty as the CGI snow during last year's SMACKDOWN special. Michael Cole, Jim Ross, and Kevin Kelly are the primary unholy announcing trio wherever they are in the arena/Connecticut/whothefuckknows. In addition, the scratch WWF logo of the time has a wreath around it!

D-Generation X starts the show. JR notes how there are special censors for the faction tonight. Oh boy, DICKS DICKS AND MORE DICKS! The men are in bath robes, while Chyna is in her usual dominatrix-style outfit nicely complemented by enhanced boobage. D-X does the usual entrance in said robes, and the pyro goes off as such.

 

Imagine if HBK's robe was caught on fire during all this?

Anyways, Shawn asks EVERYONE in the attendance if they have been good this year. If they are, then D-X will give them a present. Two fucking hot chicks hold up signs that exclaim, “SHAWN, LET'S PUT THE DX IN SEX!”

That is something you will NOT see in the PG era kids! Shockingly, this is a PG-rated first hour!

Before they can get to the present giving, which in the case of those two girls may be a piss fest, there is business to tend to.

Hunter, who sounds like a prepubescent bitch at this point in his career, talks about how the Outlaws are trying to claim fame to D-X's deed of maiming the Road Warriors. All the Outlaws did was pick through the remains. Hunter tells them to stay out of the way. Ironic indeed. Onto Owen Hart, whose name gets a loud pop and chant. H then goes on to say that since Owen is the baby of the family, Owen knows right where to find a pacifier. Horrendous double entendre as spoken by a guy who sounds like he just left high school.

Shawn takes the mic and starts to hype up the mess he will have with The Undertaker. Shawn puts down Undie, noting that the Dead Man couldn't put him away in two prior matches. For the record, there was a no-contest at Ground Zero, and Kane Tombstoned Undie into oblivion at Badd Blood inside Hell in the Cell. Shawn misjudges about how he beat Undertaker like a red-headed stepchild, when in reality it was him who took most of the beatings/ To even further the madness, Shawn proudly admits that not only does he not rest in peace, but he thrusts his hips in saying he can be up all night!

Getting off that subject, it's time to fulfill a promise!

Shawn and Hunter reveal not-too-revealing boxers at first. BUT, they then take off those boxers and reveal skimpier underdrawers censored by the D-X censor.

“WILL YOU LOOK AT THOSE NUTS,” screams Ross in the most subtle of ways. When I when subtle, I mean he knows he’s hitting all the possible meanings at once.

Shawn then practically tells the roster to kiss their (as in he and Hunter's) asses by allowing Chyna to put mistletoe directly above their backsides. An older couple is bewildered yet amused. Speaking of which, here comes the American Fatass, Sgt. (Commissioner) Slaughter!

When Maffew of Botchamania refers to corsping, Slaughter during this segment could actually be a good example.

Hunter and Shawn are endlessly doing stupid shit around him, trying to egg him on. Reminding Shawn of certain contract clauses, Slaughter is either letting Shawn go in the ring with European Title on the line, or the belt will be stripped.

Shawn, said with quite the double-meaning, exclaims how he is not afraid of getting stripped of anything. In addition, he tells Slaughter he can defend it against anyone, anywhere, anytime. Remember RAW in 1993 with Marty Jannetty? Well guess what, Slaughter just told Shawn the title match will be against Hunter. This is obviously a disguise to break up D-X. H vows to defeat Michaels, but Shawn reminds the young grasshopper he lays down for no one.

As the D-X music hits, we are also informed that Undertaker will be facing Intercontinental Champion The Rock this evening as well!

As we come back from break, look at how this announcing trio is situated. They all look way too happy, and green-screened in front of the crowd! I know the show was taped, but holy damn was it edited sloppy.

“This is Equivalent to Getting a Tie” Match: Headbanger Thrasher (w/ Headbanger Mosh) vs. Henry O. Godwinn (w/ Phineas I. Godwinn). The match was setup over miscommunication from Shotgun Saturday Night. Michael Cole appears out of nowhere to interview the HOG/PIG combo. Who the hell cares anyway. A quickie that ends in a DQ win for the Headbanger. Godwinns start whipping their opponents like government mules with the leather belts. Tony Garea and Gerald Brisco try to intervene, but to no avail. WINNER: HEADBANGER THRASHER by DQ.

Recap package on how Dude Love beat both the New Age Outlaws in one-on-one competition, only to be subject to some brutal beatings. One of them left Love broken on the floor just off the stage. I think something was botched, because Love should have landed on the table, but instead landed almost directly on the concrete!

Mankind is seen in a pre-taped package in the bowels of the arena so to speak. Foley explains how when Dude Love's ribs are broken, so is Mankind's! Mankind is vowing revenge!

UP NEXT, SANTA MEETS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! But not before we see an advertisement for WWF The Music Volume 2! The one where Vince McMahon sings HBK's theme! Hide the kids, hide the wife!

After a short clip of Austin’s chucking Rock’s IC title into the river from last week, there is an “after hours” clip of the proposed Santa/Austin debacle. It started when Santa anticipated Sable to say whether she was naughty or nice. She couldn't come, and Santa became mightily pissed.

The boy who sat on his lap is not Sable, therefore it doesn't matter. The kid accused of Santa of being fake. Mr. Claus tells him to get out of here.

KEEE-RASHHHH!

Here comes Mr. Austin bedecked in jeans, a vest, and a microphone. In his usual style, Austin becomes belligerent and vile towards Mr. Santa. Austin lashes out at Santa for throwing the kid out of the ring. Furthermore, Austin could prove if the Santa in the ring is the real one by telling a 'real' anecdote. Does Santa remember what Austin got for Christmas when he was six (or seven) years old? Playing the senile old fuck card, Claus quips back with Tiddly Winks and a Barbie Doll.

Massive boos and commentating WTFs all over the place.

Austin takes a good once-over on Santa, with the belief the look is authentic. The kid nods that it isn't the real Santa. Austin does his crowd survey and asks if the Santa is real, give him a 'HELL NO!' And I don't mean the Daniel Bryan/Kane team!

Steve then tells Santa that he has a present for him:

STUNNER!

Austin beats the shit out of him as the segment wraps up.

Triple H and Shawn Michaels are yelling at each like two bitches in the D-X locker room. Trouble in paradise? Rock and 'Taker NEXT!

One of those WWF Attitude videos play during the break. Still can't understand Ahmed Johnson! And when the rest of the superstars list their great athletic achievements, why does Undertaker list his height and weight? Wasn’t he a basketball player or something? I don’t think ‘328’ was ever a jersey number on the Death Valley Worshippers team!

The Nation vs. The Cremation Match: Intercontinental Champion The Rock (w/ Nation of Domination) vs. Undertaker. Rock's opening promo is during the point in his career where he tried to be an intellectual. Good thing he'd stick to comedy later.

Undertaker comes down with a pained look in his face like, “Why am I wrestling tonight?” From sources I've read, apparently 'Taker's real life father was experiencing health issues at the time and it took its toll on the man behind the Phenom.

Rock does one of those Pearl Harbor like sneak attacks, but the big guy quickly takes control. I find it funny how Hulk Hogan does a big boot/legdrop combo for the end of a match, yet Undertaker does it and its really just a mid-match sequence. DAMN! Undertaker tries old school, but as Paul Bearer walks on down, Kama Mustafa low-blows the dead man.

This leads to break.

After an MSG advertisement, the show returns with Undertaker getting mugged by all members of The Nation. Undertaker is thrown back in, and Rock goes back to work. Hell, Maivia drops the elbow, but only gets a two for his efforts. More distractions from ringside allow Rock to get the low-blow in, and thus gain even more momentum. Undertaker does get a desperation legdrop in, but his stature is interrupted once more by Nation interference. As Rock tries to whip him to the post, Undertaker hits the chokeslam! Then the Tombstone! 'Taker tries to cover, however the arena goes black.

It only means one thing!

KANE!

This match apparently ends in a no-contest, so it's all well and dandy.

Paul Bearer invites the crowd to lay their eyes upon the Phenom, as he is a shell of his former self. After Bearer demeans him some more, 'Taker tries to choke him out, but Kane attacks. 'Taker nearly got a goozle on Kane, but instead is beaten down to the corner. Undie lies a beaten man as the European Championship match between HHH and HBK is hyped.

The first hour of action ends on two recap packages: the first was what happened moments ago with Undertaker/Kane/Paul Bearer, then the second was recapping the opening segment pitting Hunter against Shawn for the Euro title.

European Championship match doesn't get underway here. Chyna carries both WWE and Euro title belts. Shawn comes out first, and Hunter follows suit.

As Hunter is coming down, Owen Hart comes out of the back and beats down Helmsley! Both Hunter and Shawn accuse a presiding Slaughter of setting the attack up. JR calls out Oliver Stone, saying it's a conspiracy theory.  Ten years later, it would have been Jesse Ventura! Predictably, another video package recaps this. Now I wonder where the current crop of WWE's editors know how to use/waste time!

Another really REALLY creepy screen shot of the announcers. However, we have Jim Ross paired with Jim Cornette this time! Jimmy has this look where he may very well be going through that Kentucky Dairy Queen all over again. Cornette then does a hype job on the impending Mankind/NAO confrontation. Sometimes, the more the things change the more they stay the same.

Speaking of which we have those pesky Outlaws in pseudo-mining gear! Will they have to go through RC Cola cans and Moon Pies to find him? Jimmy notes about the coal mine, and hopefully he didn't think about the future too much. The two go to work on some scrub who they think is Mankind, but stop to realize HE ISN'T?!?!?!?!? The jeans and leather jacket of that random dude MUST have given that away!

A Marvelous Reindeer Match: 'Marvelous' Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. 'Not That Cool' Scott Taylor. If you want to know how uncharismatic Mero is, JR notes off the bat that Sable apparently is not only in the building, but wearing something that is quite ravishing. The crowd is chanting 'SABLE' so loudly, I can't hear what Mero has to say! Oh for shame!

Anyways, Mero's property comes down to the ring in a admittedly adorable reindeer costume.

Cornette likens Mero to Ralph Kramden, only Jackie Gleason captivated an audience! SNAP! Sabledeer's nose lights up at least but she is forced to leave the ring as the supposed match takes place. Sable decapitated her costume. Taylor gets the early advantage on Mero but loses it on a whip reversal.

Sable's rack is so friggen' huge she's stretching the reindeer outfit mightily! Scottie Not 2 Hotty gets the distracted Mero off his feet, and even gets a nice dropkick in! Out of nowhere though, Mero is able to nail his TKO. 1-2-3, and we got a clean finish ladies and gentlemen! Mero doesn't like Taylor looking at Sable, so he beats him down some more. Tom Brandi stops further punishment by coming in and pounding on Mero! In this fracas, Marc wrenches his knee into the security wall thus not allowing him to fully get his bearings.

Sable ditches the reindeer outfit and comes out in a VERY PROVACATIVE Santa's Helper get-up. Sable's tights would get a better reaction than Marc Mero getting chucked off a steel cage! Whew, that's a wrap. WINNER: MARC MERO, but all the male fans of the WWE just got a real nice, erm, PACKAGE themselves!

Yet another Owen jumps Helmsley package. OVERKILL!

Meanwhile, Triple H cuts a mini promo on Shawn in his locker-room with Chyna whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Nothing special.

‘The Lump of Coal in Your Stocking Challenge”: 8-Ball (w/ Disciples of Apocalypse) vs. Kurrgan (w/ Jackyl). Ladies and Gentlemen, there are not many combinations known to man who could fully kill a crowd's heat in Attitude Era WWE. However, any mixture of The Truth Commission is easily amongst the tops of the list. Kurrgan’s best performance would be in the movie 300. Sparta this match is not. It's shit, and a squash to boot. Kurrgan gets the win off of distraction by Jackyl. The Commission does a beat down of 8-Ball. However, Crush comes in with a 2x4 and cleans house. WINNER: Technically Kurrgan, but not a single soul in the audience. Before Divas, this guy was the piss break.

The New Age Outlaws are STILL searching for the doofus Mankind. They trample over boxes and darkness and still can't get the job done in this segment. Hype jobs for HHH/HBK main event with Shamrock/D-Lo NEXT!

A whole bunch more recap packages in the next few minutes. I swear, this all that time could have easily allocated another mid-card match. Or even more time to the match coming up next:

The Nation vs. The Submission: D-Lo Brown (w/ Nation of Domination) vs. Ken Shamrock. Ken delivers sequential attacks to Brown's left leg, always thinking about the submission. For the next few minutes, Brown and Shamrock swap punches and holds. So far, not bad at all. The match would end suddenly when Shamrock, with all wits about him, slaps on that Ankle Lock! WINNER: KEN SHAMROCK

Rock shows up on the entrance ramp to deliver yet another promo. This time he tries to explain the Gulf, but throw it aside. He then asks Shamrock if he accepts his challenge at the Royal Rumble for the Intercontinental Championship. As Rock awaits the answer, he corrals his troops back to the base and the segment ends here.

Shawn Michaels has his 'reply' segment. Essentially, its the same thing as earlier with the trash talk, whispering in the ear, etc.

The delinquent Outlaws are at it again, searching for the deranged Mankind. They are searching in the “inner-most bowels” as Cornette terms it. Hiding behind a stack of boxes, Mankind attacks! Screaming out Christmas lyrics with each passing blow, this is certainly NOT your typical Christmas segment! The tides would turn though.

Those pesky Outlaws would then gain enough advantage to lock Mankind into a walk-in freezer! Mankindcicle huh Cornette?

That one blaring horn could only mean one thing: TAFKA Goldust. For those who don't know, that's The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust. Continuing on recent trends, Goldie is bedecked in Christmas ornaments thus resembling a human Christmas tree.

 

Luna Vachon looks like the normal one which is hard to believe under most circumstances. Luna does a intro to the heathen known as the Bizarre One, who then proceeds to read The Night Before Christmas! A random ass Santa Claus comes on down the ramp. Not the guy Austin stunnered earlier. Fake snow falls again as the Santa impersonator makes his presence known. Goldie starts to berate the jolly ol' fat guy until he gets hit with a sack...... OF PRESENTS! He immediately bails along with Luna to the back as it is revealed that Santa was really VADER CLAUS!

The Euro title match is next! YIPPEE! FINALLY!

“The We Made An Ass Out of You” European Championship Match, Shawn Michaels © vs. Triple H: The intros finally play without incident, which also means we here Tony Chimmel drone on and on with things. Cornette picks Hunter to win this. It's also noted that USA has allowed the program to go over just in case. Chyna looks like, “When the hell will this happen?” Right now apparently as the bell sounds. Two intense looks on both gentlemen (I say that loosely), and they're about to hook up.

Or stretch. JR and James E do a nice job covering up this debauchery you normally don't see. Psych outs are happening too as both men halt lock-ups. Boos are coming in as Michaels actually LAYS DOWN. Yes, as in on his back and willing to do his 'job'. Hunter prances around like a bitch, and 'splashes' Shawn for the pin cover. After the D-X music blares, Cornette goes bombastic over his charade on commentary. HE WAS BAMBOOZLED PEOPLE! The two act like it's a major accomplishment while they knew what they were doing all along. It was brilliant in a way, where Slaughter thought he could break the group up, but instead he got tricked at his own game.

As Slaughter is crotch-chopped and belittled, he smirks with Helmsley facing Owen Hart for the HHH's title next week! The show ends with D-X having two champions, two belts.

WINNER and NEWWWWWWWWWW EUROPEAN CHAMPION: TRIPLE H

CONCLUSION: This RAW was weird.

Very very weird.

Not only was it a RAW in the darkest days of the WWE, but It was a taped RAW in the middle of a 6 week gap between pay-per-view events.

Some of the editing was god awful as witnessed by the non-existent green screen announcers. Some of the dubs seem very obvious, like Jim Cornette wondering aloud about how many bowels can there be in a building.

That snow may also be the dandruff of every jobber in the company at the time. It was that bad.

This show did have some merits. The Brown/Shamrock match was decent for the three minutes it had, the Mankind/NAO arc was pretty funny, and Goldust getting whacked by a sack of presents is one of those moments too absurd to be believed.

Then there was the overabundance of the recaps, particularly D-X's problems. By the time the main event rolled around, it seemed as if most bookers would have failed the EWR games for over-exposing Michaels and Helmsley.

Overall, it was one of those episodes where nothing was lost nor gained. A holiday bye-week, it meant some of the strangest shit in all of 1997 was on display. Some of it was good, some of it bad, some of it memorable, some of it not so memorable. WWE was still trying to find itself, but did not succeed here.

As we go into 1998, let it be known as Austin's road to the top was nearing a major career crossroads. Would he make it? Only time would tell.

Now go to ye beds as Santa Claus brings down his sack of presents!

Heheh, I said “sack”.

Technorati Tags: wwe,wwf,attitude era,raw,1997,bad booking,christmas,road warriors,hawk,animal,shawn michaels,triple h,chyna,d-generation x,billy gunn,road dogg,new age outlaws,jim ross,kevin kelly,michael cole,headbangers,mosh,thrasher,the godwinns,sable,santa,stone cold steve austin,the rock,undertaker,paul bearer,kane,kama mustafa,farooq,d-lo brown,ken shamrock,owen hart,sgt. slaughter,goldust,vader,royal rumble,ppv,scotty 2 hotty,tom brandi,holiday,merry,spirit,cookies

If you like what you see here, please also support The Johnson Transcript and MARKS. They are amongst the two freshest voices in professional wrestling blogging today. Check em’ out!