WrestleMania Profile: Brock Lesnar

There are men on the WWE roster who have made great impressions over a short time. On the flip side, there are men on the WWE roster who have made little to no impression during their long tenures.

Count Brock Lesnar as one to the former.

Brock is an amazingly gifted athlete. His NCAA championships would serve him very well into the transition to WWE.

In his first six months on the main roster, Brock went from a monster heel killing The Hardy Boyz, to becoming WWE Champion. It was one of the first signs that a change in the guard was coming. With Vince’s company coming off the name change and the end of the Attitude Era. Brock was the face of Ruthless Aggression. Add in a manager, Paul Heyman, and magic was born.

Heyman would turn on Lesnar at Survivor Series 2002 with Big Show, thus solidifying Brock as a good guy.

All this would lead to not only a Royal Rumble victory, but also a shot at the WWE Championship come WrestleMania XIX.

His opponent you ask? A gold-medal Olympic champion by the name of Kurt Angle.

These two men standing face-to-face meant one thing: expect lots of lots of good old fashioned WRESTLING. Sure there was a good chunk of brawling and other shenanigans, but the heart of this contest was laid down in swapping holds.

While this was indeed a very good match it was an unexpected error by Lesnar that changed the game.

With Angle lying prone on the mat, Lesnar threw caution to the wind. He scaled the top rope with a mission at hand. Lesnar flew, but crashed badly. ON HIS FUCKING HEAD!

Lesnar had botched a Shooting Star Press. If it weren't for Angle moving out of the way, we wouldn't be talking about 'The Pain' right now.

Lesnar suffered a concussion off the move. It somehow didn't deter him from delivering a F-5 to cover Kurt. After escaping disaster, a sportsmanlike embrace capped this contest. (On an unrelated note: the hug helped turn Angle face after Kurt returned from neck surgery a couple of months later.)

Lesnar would recover quickly and resume defending the title.

By the time January of 2004 rolled around, Lesnar has completely flipped.

He had turned heel with the guidance of Vince McMahon. Brock had lost then  regained the WWE Championship by defeating Kurt Angle in an amazing Iron Man contest. There was a trail of blood, sweat, and tears (thanks to Zach Gowen's mother) to Lesnar's madness.

The Royal Rumble of 2004 saw Bill Goldberg, who had lost his World Heavyweight Championship the month before, vow to win the big match and go on to 'Mania. Brock Lesnar interrupted the interview saying that since he is the WWE Champion, all the attention should be on him. After Goldberg briefly scared Lesnar, it was evident that the big Georgian was not wavered in his quest.

Then Brock showed up.

Near the very end of the event, Lesnar rushed the ring to give Goldberg a THUNDEROUS F-5. This set up for Goldberg's elimination and Lesnar satisfied in his revenge.

What comes around comes around.

The next month at No Way Out, Goldberg returned the favor.

He Speared Lesnar into oblivion, which allowed Lesnar's opponent Eddie Guerrero to hit the Frog Splash. Eddie was the new WWE Champion while Lesnar was once again on the outside looking in.

After some reservation from Vince McMahon, Lesnar and Goldberg was set for WrestleMania XX. With Stone Cold Steve Austin as the ref.

It was a huge buildup with the possibility of two universes colliding in one epic showdown. How did it do?

Infamously bad!

WRESTLECRAP!

Brock and Bill were both leaving the WWE after this PPV to pursue their other endeavors. The opening portion, a LONG one, was almost constant jaw-jacking. No action save a shove. Hell, a HOGAN chant broke out for something completely irrelevant ringside.

Goldberg would win with the Jackhammer to a chorus of boos. Both men were heavily booed, so nothing changed on that front. Austin would have the last laugh as he Stunnered both men out of the company covered in beer to boot.

As for Lesnar, his short WrestleMania resume is more memorable than most superstars'. For all the good and bad reasons, Lesnar will be a legend at 'Mania, even if his stats sheet is just lines long.

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CONTESTS

WrestleMania XIX: Brock Lesnar def. Kurt Angle via pinfall to capture the WWE Championship. Lesnar botched a Shooting Star Press near the very end and nearly killed himself. Lesnar got to his feet and F-5'ed Angle out of sheer instinct. After the contest, both men shared an embrace. (21:08) ****1/4

WrestleMania XX: Goldberg def. Brock Lesnar via pinfall after Lesnar suffered both a spear and Jackhammer. Steve Austin, the referee, pinned Lesnar's shoulders down. Post-match, both combatants in the match received Stunners, the only cheers this match got. (13:47) *

Length of In-Ring Action: 34:55 (34 minutes, 55 seconds, or approximately 17:27 a match)

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The Cult of Personality: CM Punk’s Heel Turn

Over the last ten years, WWE hasn’t had any real competition. Therefore, the company has been able to do things its own way without many consequences.

In the process, it seemed as if some arts of character establishing were lost. The people behind the gimmicks were now more tightly wound than they had been, and in return seemed as if Vince McMahon went back on what he promised back in 1997.

When the seeds were hatched for CM Punk’s turn to the dark side on RAW 1000, there was skepticism.

Not only was Punk still getting cheered like a mad man, but Jerry Lawler on commentary made a double-standard that somehow made Punk look more face-ish than almost ever.

It started out with The Rock who pretty much side-stepped Punk in a promo earlier in the show. It should be noted that the continuity from the initial pipe bomb promo was inexplicably absent.

Then it was Lawler’s misstep on commentary. This led to Punk downright owning Lawler multiple times on the microphone and inside of a steel cage. 

Then it was John Cena telling him that respect needs to be earned every night at every arena. A Falls-Count-Anywhere match led Punk to interfere on his “night off”, and perform Go-to-Sleep on Cena on a Chrysler 300.

Add in a dash of Paul Heyman, who was the driver of said 300 (not the SE Spartan Edition), and we got a slow-burn heel-turn that quite frankly is kicking all sorts of ass.

While many people don’t see the sense of a Punk and Heyman pairing, it should be noted these two had been going back and forth on Twitter months leading up to the reveal. Punk having a manager in Heyman would also bring attention to not only themselves, but also to Brock Lesnar, and this could lead to mega main-events on PPV’s for months to come. Some people have also watered at the fact that the breakup (which is inevitable in yo-yo WWE writing) would have some epic shoots.

Punk, whose status as WWE Champion apparently means nothing in the universe, can really elevate himself to the wide-open spot of top heel if he can carry this momentum past Night of Champions. With Heyman as a manager, the possibilities seem endless.

With Lesnar as mentioned before, Heyman has some former clientele on the roster. There is Big Show, whose potential affiliation with Punk and Heyman could potentially salvage his floundering heel turn. Also there is Tensai, who as A-Train, was seemingly coming up through the ranks with Heyman as a manager. Tensai is not in a good place right now, and a sense of familiarity from the past could very well awake a sleeping monster.

That four-man alliance (Punk/Lesnar/Show/Tensai) could easily be a new ‘Dangerous Alliance’. Make a team of Cena/Rock/Triple H/Undertaker, men with various chips on all their shoulders, and we have ourselves a main event for Survivor Series that could blow the roof off wherever that event takes place.

I’m really curious as to see where Punk’s assholetry is going from here. Punk’s been a capable heel before, but he’s in a new echelon now. May the Alliance begin!

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The “Ace in the Hole”: Why Big Show’s Turn Was Genius

For all the crap we give him, the (breathes deeply) Executive Vice President of Talent Relations & the Permanent General Manager of RAW and SMACKDOWN (exhales) John Laurinaitis knows how to line his ducks in a row.

Just a couple of weeks ago on RAW, Big Show found himself in a pickle with Mr. Ace. After being caught imitating the GM’s voice, Show was forced to apologize for his actions. Show apologized, but not to the specifications Ace wanted.

After a week of torment, up to and including a screwjob loss to Daniel Bryan, Show executed an acting job worthy of either an Emmy or a Raspberry, depending on who you talk to. Show went to his knees, eyes flowing, begging to keep his job. Ace wasn’t impressed, and let the door hit Show in the ass on the way out figuratively.

When Big Show arrived at Over the Limit, it seemed like his interference one way or another was inevitable. He wasn’t a member of the roster, and in street clothes, looked quite dapper to be doing anything physical.

After dragging Ace’s sorry ass back into the ring, Show was about to murder him. Show gave courtesy to Ace’s opponent, John Cena, and let Cena attempt the Attitude Adjustment.

Only the Attitude Adjustment turned out to be Big Show’s right hand to John Cena’s face.

Hey, what did five fingers say to the face?

SLAP!

It was revealed Show had a verbal agreement with Laurinaitis going into Over the Limit, but had not been affiliated with the roster. Ace botched that on RAW, but it was covered up by WWE and their Twitter people.

(Speaking of which, follow @BadBooking on Twitter today! Please?)

Cena and Show will battle at No Way Out on June 17th. While most fans (including myself) balk at seeing this feud play out AGAIN, at least the motivation behind the story makes sense. As long as the series of matches is one and done, I have no problem with it.

Just make sure it doesn’t main event, PLEASE?

In a stat even weird for WWE standards, the WWE and/or World Heavyweight Championship(s) have not main evented a single Pay-Per-View this calendar year. John Cena has main evented four consecutive events (Kane/Elimination Chamber, Rock/Wrestlemania, Brock Lesnar/Extreme Rules, John Laurinaitis/Over the Limit) in non-title affairs, while the Royal Rumble match headlined the Royal Rumble.

At least the winner of the Rumble “headlined” Wrestlemania, in a eighteen second squash opener!

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And now, here is a long version of Bruce Springsteen’s “Prove it All Night”. The song is off “Darkness on the Edge of Town”, but this legendary concert performance will almost make you forget about the vinyl!

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Survivor Series- A Fantasy Card

With Survivor Series hailing from Madison Square Garden just a few weeks away, this blogger has got that “fantasy card” thing going on.

Before I start, I’ll make a little disclaimer that what you’re about to read is not representative of WWE and their employees. This is not a “bash” or “praise” WWE post, as it is just opinion and opinion only. All I can hope is that I’ve entertained some people, so here it goes! I’m going with most important match, on down... (might I also note I’m not that good coming up with team names...)

MAIN EVENT TRADITIONAL SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH: Team Diesel (Diesel, The Miz, R-Truth, Wade Barrett & WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio) vs. Team Hunter (Triple H, Zack Ryder, The Rock, John Cena, & CM Punk)

I’m basing this match off of a “what if”. A what if there was a big ol’ swerve come Monday night on RAW.

For starters, we got the CM Punk vs. Mark Henry contest as mandated by interim GM John Laurinaitis. If Punk wins, he will get a WWE Championship match at Survivor Series. This is where the “fantasy” part comes in.

At the very beginning of the show, John slides in a stipulation in addition that Punk must win the match via pinfall or submission. DQ’s and count-outs, like a real title match, will you get nothing.

The match would come down to Punk about to get the World’s Strongest Slam, but wiggles free. Punk, while trying to get Henry up for the Go To Sleep, instead gets low-blowed and destroyed as the match ends. Henry hits the WSS, and therefore the GM comes out. John informs Punk that since he won the match via DQ, that he will not get a title match at Survivor Series. However, he’ll do the next best thing.

He notices a lot of loose ends to be tied up, and since it’s Survivor Series where team-work along shaky alliances is the name of the game, why not go there. CM Punk will be on the most star-studded team in history. He will once again team up with Triple H, but also have The Rock and John Cena with them as they face Awesome-Truth, Kevin Nash, and Alberto Del Rio. Statler and Waldorf at the end do one of their wise-crack, “Ho ho ho, this show stunk. Be here next week? Yep!”

Later on in the week on SD, Wade Barrett verbalizes a promo where he believes he’s being held down. He calls out Zack Ryder, because he believes Ryder doesn’t deserve “big matches” like he did. They spout off against each other’s credentials, comparing a win over Cena to getting noticed on Youtube.

Triple H as COO makes a Titantron appearance and invites Zack Ryder to his team, while telling Barrett he will not ignore him and puts him on Diesel’s team. Both men brawl and battle the next week where Barrett cheats to win.

Expect a ton of verbal smackdowns, physical smackdowns, and well, a lot of smackdownery heading into MSG. And yes, expect a face win, but only at the expense of Rock/Cena getting the double-pin over Awesome Truth. Ryder takes out Barrett, but Ryder gets double-teamed out by AT. Diesel and Triple H will be counted out, but in the shocking twist of the match, Alberto makes Punk tap, but gets DQ’ed for holding the move too long! This will set up Punk/Del Rio for TLC, and perhaps Cena in a handicap match for the next PPV as well. Diesel/Triple H will be like Shawn Michaels/Diesel In the sense where Survivor Series starts the major angle heading into ‘Mania, but in the case of the former, it really started at Summerslam.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP, LAST MAN STANDING: Mark Henry (C) vs. Big Show

Ever since coming back from his injury, Big Show has never been more determined to take down a monster.

Show came back and destroyed Henry on SMACKDOWN, leading into a powerhouse match at Vengeance.

The ferocity of the men was so great, the ring collapsed in its wake. While it led to a No Contest, to think Henry is done with Show is not the right assumption at all.

At SS, the ring will most likely be re-enforced to sustain any power move. The announcer tables will not be a place to hide, and any weapon is fair game.

In this realization, it will most likely be a Mark Henry “cheap-out” win where after a huge move is done, Henry barely gets back on his feet before the count of ten. Show on the mean-hand, is just out of it. This will end the feud, and Henry will go on to who’s next. Maybe Kane, who knows.

TRADITIONAL SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH:  Team RKO (Randy Orton, Sheamus, Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston) vs. Team Grotesque (Cody Rhodes, Christian, “Evil” Sin Cara, Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero)

Call this match a “greatest hits” compilation of the mid-card.

Christian needs to beat Sheamus. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger have been so close to destroying Air Boom. More importantly, Cody Rhodes needs that breakthrough win against Randy Orton to cement his path to the main event scene.

While the build-up has been on-going on all angles for several months, let’s not forget one thing: in order to build up credible good guys, the bad guys need one too.

Which is why is match will have a heel winner.

Now before I get into when the eliminations are going to fall, let me tell you that this match will be the longest one on the card in terms of action, and hopefully will get some guys majorly over.

Here’s the list now:

1. Evil Sin Cara (count-out, because Good Sin Cara is a distraction)

2. Kofi Kingston (pinfall, a double-finisher by ZigSwag did it of bomb and sleeper)

3. Evan Bourne (pinfall, eventually same thing as above after Evan misses his Shooting Star. Don’t be surprised if this is the TLC match at TLC)

4. Dolph Ziggler (submission, Daniel Bryan locked LaBell on good and tight)

5. Daniel Bryan (pinfall, Jack Swagger bombed his ass into the mat almost immediately after Dolph’s submission)

6. Sheamus (pinfall, gets inadvertently the double-boot in the face corner and Cody Rhodes takes advantage)

7. Jack Swagger (pinfall, eats RKO by Randy Orton)

8. Randy Orton (pinfall, numbers game from Christian and Cody Rhodes is too great. Christian hits the Killswitch while Rhodes covers and places the bag over the head of Orton. Fan-boys EVERYWHERE will rejoice)

FATAL-FOUR-WAY MATCH FOR THE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP: Beth Phoenix (C) vs. Natalya vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Eve Torres

I sense major potential in this, even if the match doesn’t turn out that great.

The GM on RAW says he wants to shake things up. He will make friends and foes go up against one another in a fatal-four-way for the Divas Championship.

While Kelly and Eve seem to have a game plan worked up, Natalya and Beth are a little concerned. They’re both competitive women whose egos will make them turn on each other like venomous snakes. Both of them nod their head in agreement, and look at the “bimbos” who wait before them.

Eve and Kelly dominate the match, but would be caught up in their own dominance. Beth and Natalya get momentum back on their side, and that would be the beginning of the end.

Beth would hit her Glam Slam on Kelly while Natalya would put Eve in the Sharpshooter.

In this, the ref starts to count 1-2-3, but before the ref makes it all the way down to 3, Eve submits! Therefore the ref tells Justin Roberts that since Eve submitted before the pinfall was made, we have a NEW Diva’s Champion!

After the match, Beth and Natalya hug and shake hands, but Beth pulls in her friend. A re-match will be in order: a ladder match at TLC! Pimp the new Ladder Match 2: Crash & Burn disc set, and it’ll be worthwhile.

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Before you go “wait, that’s only four matches,” let’s not forget that the old-school Survivor Series events were only 4 or 5 match shows. Those cards though featured pretty much every single important person on the roster, and really made that gimmick/match important.

With a promo segment or two, this will easily flesh out to at least 2 hours and 40 minutes. Entrances are long, and there will be a “pimp-out MSG” video vignette. Hope you all enjoyed reading this.

 

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