Top 15 SummerSlam Sizzlers Part One

It will be here before you know it! WWE’s got their big annual summertime tradition coming up in the form of SummerSlam.

Since its inception, SummerSlam has generally been regarded as the second biggest PPV of WWE’s fiscal year. Storylines begin, climax, and end all during this time. In the background, strange one-off occurrences can also make their presences known.  Some of these accentuating angles may not seem big at first, but time can definitely measure the staying power.

By this definition, a ‘sizzler’ could very well be a synonym for ‘attribute’. In this countdown, you will see major revelations, reveals, flashes, screwjobs, etcetera, that have made SummerSlam the hottest ticket for PPV subscribers since the inaugural event in 1988.

Without further ado, time to put the meat of the article on the grill and let it… sizzle.

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15. Team WWE Got It’s Seventh Man Fit to be Tied…-SummerSlam 2010

The irony is overwhelming in the year 2013.

 

Wow, three years ago already? For a lot of us fans, this seemed like only yesterday!

As a good chunk of this audience recalls, one of the most shocking debuts in WWE history definitely belongs to the renegade group known as The Nexus. Consisting of all the NXT rookies from the first season (Wade Barrett, Michael Tarver, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Skip Sheffield (aka Ryback), and Darren Young), their signature plan of attack would be to surround the ring, then scavenger the prey like savages.

Now notice how I “forgot” to type in someone’s else in the above description.

That last man in the equation was Daniel Bryan.

Bryan, whose real name is Bryan Danielson, was an indie darling before coming to the WWE, and also by far the most experienced wrestler the group had. On the NXT show however, he was made to look like the never-say-die guy who lost all the time.

That had no affect on Bryan going into the Nexus debut.

All eight of these rookies on June the 7th made their menacing alliance in an orchestrated, albeit unpredictable attack on John Cena. From the ramp and the audience themselves, these band of misfits suddenly looked like they were a force to be reckoned with.

A force… that literally destroyed the RAW set!

In the fracas, Bryan got to ring announcer Justin Roberts. Bryan used Roberts’ own tie to choke the bastard purple.

This caused Bryan to be “fired” from the WWE.

In an unwritten rule, apparently no chokes can be used in a WWE match. When this rule was enacted, the author doesn’t know. There were aspirations from other forces to be at hand too, but their impression wouldn’t last too long here.

By the time SummerSlam rolled around, Team Nexus (which practically was the aforementioned group with Bryan) versus Team WWE was practically announced as the main event for the show. While Nexus had seven of their guys, WWE still needed one more.

While several men, including Money in the Bank holder The Miz, applied, only one man was selected.

Say hello to the Benedict Arnold of NXT himself, Daniel Bryan!

The Los Angeles crowd were in Staples (yeah, sorry for the pun) over the choice. It was ironic given the affiliations, and yet all so satisfying because we all thought Bryan was gone from the WWE never to be heard from again. Bryan would ultimately make Darren Young tap, but also get eliminated by Wade Barrett (thanks in no small part to Miz).

To think: John Cena picked Daniel Bryan to be on their team in 2010. Now in 2013, Cena picked Bryan to be his opponent for the WWE Championship. This could be HUGE come August the 18th, but for right now, let’s celebrate the shock that was the seventh man being Daniel Bryan.

In addition, I give you the infamous ‘butthole’ promo from Arn Anderson during this time period:

14. The Winds of Change- SummerSlam 2002

 

(Author’s Note: Please read that title in Wade Barrett’s voice. It’s all part of the “bigga pitcha”, one that is never understood nor explained…)

On one corner, is devastation defined. A big brutish dude that stands 6’4”, 295 pounds, has a great mouthpiece in Paul Heyman, and that doesn’t even begin to describe strength feats that read out of a Paul Bunyan playbook. NCAA Champion and soon-to-be UFC fighter, this guy can destroy anyone!

In the other corner, is the definition of a great champion. The pride of Miami, Florida at 275 pounds. A football star turned into hereditary WWE star. A third-generation wrestler, he defied the odds of nearly being let go into becoming arguably the most successful man inside and outside the ring.

You’re damn right Brock and Rock had a lot of hype!

Brock Lesnar earned his championship opportunity by beating Rob Van Dam in the finals of the King of the Ring tournament. A tournament whose stipulation was that the winner earns an Undisputed WWE Championship match at the SummerSlam PPV. Brock’s torrid rapture through the WWE claimed that milestone only a mere three months after he debuted.

The Rock on the other hand was well… The Rock. After filming for several months, Rocky came back in-ring at Vengeance. He defeated The Undertaker and Kurt Angle to win ‘Taker’s Undisputed title.

Naturally, the stage was set: The rookie vs. the veteran. Youth vs. experience. Strength vs. agility.

The match was a grueling testament to both men. In addition was a raucous crowd of Long Islanders, who had switched their alliances during the match.

Between the crowd flipping and the inevitable, Brock Lesnar won the Undisputed Championship, and a trip to the great unknown.

It was quite a trip to see Lesnar win the title so fast and so convincingly. However, he would have to carry that momentum into the months ahead. Brock did an admirable job, setting up a face turn and more WWE title runs ahead of him.

He also paved the way for such men as Edge, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, amongst others, to creep up through the woodwork. The SMACKDOWN roster was the workhorse brand of the WWE, and with Lesnar as its main associate, the future looked very bright indeed.

13. Undertaker URNED That Turn!- SummerSlam 1996

 

As mentioned above, new storyline twists can certainly begin at the summertime tradition. This shocking betrayal is no exception.

For the most part, Undertaker has had feuds that came and went with no real continuity. With the exception of perhaps Yokozuna and the Million Dollar Corporation, Undertaker’s six-year run in the WWE by this point seemed unfestered by a continuous pest.

That was until Mankind showed up.

Mankind debuted the night after WrestleMania XII. He won his match with Sparky Plugg Bob Holly, and then attacked ‘Taker later in the main event.

This led to a King of the Ring singles match. It also led to something truly unprecedented. Undertaker, a character whose only times of loss came with humongous shenanigans, lost clean as a sheet, VIA SUBMISSION, to Mankind.

In a mini-feud with Goldust, ‘Taker came out on the losing end of a match at International Incident. Not because he lost (technically won via DQ), but it was due to Mankind pulling ‘Taker underneath the ring. After ‘Taker gets his wits about him, he starts beating up Mankind back to the locker room, THEN A BOILER ROOM!

So alas we are given a Boiler Room Brawl for SummerSlam.

In the mix lies Paul Bearer. A man who even with all this bad news going for ‘Taker is steadfast by his side, ready to take the hits when needed.

Only at SummerSlam, it was Paul who provided the hit of his own.

After a lengthy brawl in the boiler room, Mankind and Undertaker went back to the ring. The stip was that the winner had to get the urn from Paul Bearer.

Seemed natural for ‘Taker to win, right?

Nope!

‘Taker kneeled trying to get the urn, but instead was jumped by Mankind. Bearer laughed in the corner as the Mandible Claw once again choked the dead out of the Dead Man. Mankind, like a member of gang, held Undertaker like prey, waiting for more slaps and berating from the heinously fat human being. If PB is a human being…

For now, it shattered the relationship of two men who were deemed un-separable. Undertaker got his power from the urn, but now that device lies within Bearer, and new alias Mankind. This feud would continue with a Buried Alive match, a Survivor Series match where Bearer was suspended above a ring, and then a No Holds Barred match on RAW to cap 1996.

And this all happened before Hell in the Cell!

Long story short: it was a memorable turn. Unexpected and shocking, it played to a dark tune that would later be a great diversifier in the to-come Attitude Era.

12. Goldberg Loses The Game- SummerSlam 2003

 

It was clobbering time for Goldberg!

Triple H, the evil leader of Evolution, has had a stranglehold on the WHC dating back to Armageddon, December of last year.

Hunter had overcome every obstacle before him. Scott Steiner. Booker T. Kevin Nash. Shawn Michaels (again). Rob Van Dam. Kane (whom had to unmask). The list was full of talented and boisterous superstars who all fell to The Game one time or another.

Except Goldberg hadn’t really encountered HHH yet.

Sure there was a confrontation, or a match announcement, but no big deal.

Until the Elimination Chamber.

What saved Triple H initially was getting kicked right in the fucking face by Shawn Michaels. Yes, Trips was talking trash in the pod, the timer ran out, and HBK waited to deliver that present right to his kisser. It was glorious!

Goldberg not too long thereafter came in and dominated everything that moved with the subtlety of a Acela train!

Now it was down to the Goldberg and Triple H show-down!

Goldberg seemed to have his way early. He kicked the plexiglass of Triple H’s domain like Jack Nicholson with an axe. Soon thereafter, Goldberg raked Triple H’s bloody forehead against the chain of the Chamber.

Triple H would have divine intervention by the name of Ric Flair.

Flair was able to get a sledgehammer in-between cracks of the Chamber. It was a well-devised ploy by the Nature Boy.

As Goldberg ran for the spear, he intercepted the sledge instead of Trips’ body, This allowed a weak Triple H to get the pin and the win.

In most video games, the penalty for game over is by starting all the way back either at the beginning of the game or that particular level. For the bald-headed monster, it was a beat-down.

A bloody roar of a beatdown!

Trips and Flair were joined by Randy Orton, whom ironically ate a Goldberg Spear earlier in the match.

Some slaps, some punches, and some ever-lasting sledgie shots. All in a days work for the dealers.

This pissed a lot of internet fans when this happened. Primarily because the original outcome should have been Goldberg beating Triple H to become champion.

In a singles match!

Triple H legitimately had a torn groin muscle at this point. He was wearing those long pants for a reason kids, and he still had to consummate a marriage a couple of months later! Goldberg was also injured, hampered by shoulder problems for the last couple of months.

From what this author deducts, SummerSlam could have been a disaster if both of the main headliners were injured and unable to go 100%. In its wake lied a perfect excuse to add four other guys and make this a Chamber match. Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, Kevin Nash, and Randy Orton were added in what was essentially a disguise. A disguise to the bigger picture ahead, which at Unforgiven, finally gave us the one-on-one with Goldberg/HHH that everyone wanted.

Knowing that, it’s almost safe to say that it was the best of all worlds. WWE wasn’t playing the predictable card. The villain came out really heinous here, and it made the paying audience willing to see his execution the next month. Not only did Goldberg’s slay (as opposed to Santa’s Slay) play an important role in that time period, but it would make Goldberg’s success all the much more sweeter.

Let’s also not forget that it also made the single-brand PPV’s the thing to watch due to that foresight.

Here’s an added video of Chris Jericho dying for his sins:

OUCH!

11. Liz Flashes Her Mega Bucks- SummerSlam 1988

Now for something a little more innocent. If a woman flashing her covered undercarriage is considered that…

At the inaugural SummerSlam, the main event consisted of The Mega Powers (Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage) versus The Mega Bucks (Ted DiBiase & Andre the Giant). The WWE Championship was not up for grabs, but pride certainly was.

Let’s also add in a special referee, Jesse Ventura, who had dollars slipped into his pocket by DiBiase to ensure the match was rigged! This was before the days of…

The powers that be were certainly aligning to make sure this match was going to be memorable!

But not in the way you expected.

Later on in the contest, Savage tried to drop the elbow on Andre. Sadly for the Macho Man, he took a size 20 boot to the kisser and flew out of the ring like a Frisbee! Hogan tried to use DiBiase’s own finisher, the Million Dollar Dream, against him. Before it took real effect, Andre attacked Hogan from behind. Andre’s headbutts to Hogan’s neck sent Hulk packing to the ringside area.

Both the Mega Powers are down! Jesse tried to start a count, but Elizabeth was standing on the ring apron. So were the managers of the Mega Bucks, Virgil and Bobby Heenan!

In an act of defiance, Liz ripped off the skirt of her dress to show red undies!

This stopped EVERYTHING in its tracks!

At least just long enough to where Hogan and Savage can do a power shake and recover!

Hogan comes back in and Andre goes for him. What Andre doesn’t see is Savage flying with an axe handle to the back! Andre lumbers out the ring while DiBiase gets the crap beat out of him. Hogan slammed DiBiase, Savage dropped the flying elbow, then Hogan capped it off with the leg drop. Hogan made the pin, but Savage forcibly threw down Ventura’s hand to the canvas for a ‘3’.

Before you go asking yourself why I included this on the list, consider the following:

In 1988, women were merely footnotes in wrestling. They were either wrestling in macabre matches, or they were valets. Rarely did they speak, and rarely did they do anything of significance. Sure Cyndi Lauper made things exciting a few years before with the Rock n’ Wrestling stuff, but no actual woman on the wrestler had the power to fully convince an audience of their endeavors.

Elizabeth was a ground-breaking woman in this regard. Either a heel or a face supporting Randy, her doting eyes at ringside could tell a story like almost no one else. She was classy, dignified, and also irresistible. Men wanted to be with her, and women wanted to be her.

Which leads to this.

This was the one time where she intentionally objectified herself in the open so she could help her men overcome the battle at hand. It made a regular match memorable certainly, but this was also unheard of!

This took place years before women wore intentionally skimpy clothing to elicit a pop from the crowd. Hell, I think some men forget Lita was a legit good wrestler. All they remember is whatever color strap of thong she was wearing that week.

Sure Kaitlyn might have popped a nipple on RAW a while back, or Sable had hands painted onto her breasts, but don’t forget how they all started. It was a result of desperation tactics from the person you’d least expect.

Freaking Hulk also managed to throw that piece of cloth into the audience! Spunk bunk indeedth!

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In the next installment of ‘Sizzlers’: A dose of Attitude, but not in the way you expect. It was the beginning of a run, and the start of the end for one superstar in particular. The most hilarious unprofessional overselling of all time is discussed. This and more in the next post!

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Quick trivia tidbit: What do the first installments of WrestleMania, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, and SummerSlam all have in common? Other than Hulk Hogan being WWE Champion, it should be noted that the WWE Championship was not up for grabs in any of these events!!! At ‘Mania and SummerSlam, Hogan was in big-time tag team matches. Survivor Series is self-explanatory as he was the captain of his team. At the inaugural Rumble, Hogan had a contract signing with Andre the Giant for Saturday Night’s Main Event, but did not wrestle!

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Booking Strategy: Undertaker at WrestleMania XXIX

The usual rumblings of rumor are surfacing.

Is Undertaker too banged up?

Can he still go?

Will Undertaker finally hang it up?

At this point even I am not so sure.

The rap sheet of Undertaker’s major surgeries in the last five or so years is as long as Ron Jeremy’s penis War and Peace. Among them are multiple operations to his beaten down shoulders, hips, and knees. Essentially, I believe the man known as The Undertaker is held together by Bondo, wads of spit, and chewed up bubble gum. If it works for million dollar race cars, then it should for human beings too!

All joking aside, Undertaker is definitively in the twilight of his career. His work schedule is limited to all but one match a year with a random special segment here and there.

‘Taker’s rumored opponent for this year’s extravaganza is CM Punk. Punk, a record-setter in the modern era for consecutive days holding for the WWE Championship, has had his fair share of injuries recently as well. Adding to the usual wear and tear is a scope job to his left knee and the after-effects of a suplex gone wrong at a Live event.

These two have also had a somewhat sketchy past when it came to in-ring work together. Their program from 2009 produced two gimmicked PPV matches whose quality were mediocre at best. It is an example of two great workers who can’t mesh, like Mr. Perfect and Shawn Michaels from SummerSlam 1993.

With this quandary of health on the horizon, it just so happens another telegraphed angle is about to happen.

And those two angles should be mixed.

Together, it would be a first time, last time, and only time this would happen for Undertaker at WrestleMania: a tag match. A really high-profile tag encounter with some of the most colorful characters in the WWE right now.

Here is how this would all come together:

The problems with Daniel Bryan and Kane are obvious. There is a severe crack in the foundation, one that even Dr. Shelby can’t fix. Egos are coming to the surface with future ambitions of both men seemingly driving this team apart.

When the break-up begins, it will be ugly.

A triple threat tag match on RAW will have the WWE Tag Team Championships on the line. Hell No, Brodus/Tensai, and Rhodes Scholars are at the ready. After some miscommunication, Kane gets dropped by Rhodes and loses the titles for his team.

Daniel finally makes the turn and beats his now-to-be former partner into oblivion. After this savage encounter, Bryan looks down at Kane with somber remembrance. He even touts his ‘YES’ into the air, but with less enthusiasm then normal.

CM Punk lost his match to John Cena on RAW. It was a thirty minute epic that had WrestleMania-quality written all over it. Punk thought he had it in the bag with the Anaconda Vice, but Cena got to the ropes. Cena slapped his signature STF on Punk. Punk lasts a whole minute in the maneuver trying to get out, but nothing works. Punk taps and his dream of main-eventing WrestleMania goes down the tubes.

That next week, the opening promo starts with CM Punk bickering about his loss. He said Cena tapped and the ref screwed him out of his dream. Bryan contritely retorts that the ref, that exact same ref, screwed him out of his tag team championship. Both men seem to be on one ugly page.

A page that would turn to darkness.

DONG

The lights come back to Punk and Bryan meeting their new-found hells inside the ring. Undertaker chokeslams Punk while Kane gets Bryan. The two brothers point to the WrestleMania NY/NJ sign with no additional dialogue needed. This hellacious journey to ‘Mania is on its way!

Yes, Undertaker would need to make some appearances on television. Hell, some of them could even be taped. No, not Dr. Shelby sketches, but some cameos by men from the past should be there (OHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSS Paul Bearer).

Punk and Bryan run roughshod through the best of the WWE. Alberto Del Rio? No problem. Sheamus? Like a shark patrolling around an empty butthole. Ryback? Friggen’ done! Seeing as Jack Swagger was just caught for pot, perhaps he should eat ‘crippling’ finishers from both these guys.

Undertaker and Kane do their mind games. More like a who’s who of what they did in the past, both on their opponents and each other. Wax figures inside caskets work. Zeb Coulter being set on fire sure. Another great segment idea is Undertaker/Daniel Bryan face to face. Daniel Bryan says YES to winning at WrestleMania with the lights on while Undertaker barks NO with the lights going out!

Plus, CM Punk can always beat Kane one-on-one as well. Bryan can be the distraction making Kane lose, and Undertaker puts up a wall of fire as the dastardly Cult of (Multiple) Personalities go up the ramp!

So now at MetLife, how would this match occur?

For starters, Punk and Bryan come out together (to Punk’s music) while Undertaker/Kane come out separately. If snow is falling during Undertaker’s entrance, it would be amongst the strangest mood setting for a ‘Mania perhaps ever. Knowing that part of the country this time of year, it’ll either be nice and warm or cold and ‘action-packed’.

Kane starts out against Punk. The big red machine is a BOSS who flings back Punk and then Bryan with ease. It seems the two smaller technical geniuses are at a mismatch.

However there is a reason why Punk and Bryan are amongst the two of the elite in the WWE. Using frequent tags, these two deceiving grapplers beat the crap out of this giant. Whether it’s kicks, punches, rope-based attacks, or even a few submission holds, Kane is able to hold on, but just by barely. There would be teases of Kane tagging in, but only to be stopped by the last second by either Bryan or Punk.

By this point the phenom wasn’t tagged in yet, but Undertaker is nowhere near silent. Not only does he gets his cheap-shot in, but he even is able to douse himself with a bottle of water to get ready for that ‘hot tag’.

Kane later on gets to the ropes after a No Lock was unsuccessful. Daniel Bryan tries a dropkick, but fails. Kane slouches back into the corner to…tag….in….

UNDERTAKER!

The man in purple and black is going to town! Clothesline after clothesline is served with more ferocity than the last. Bryan suffers from Old School, and slips out of the ring. Undertaker follows suit as he does a modified version of Snake-Eyes: On the barricade THEN the big boot! Punk tries to surprise with a high and tight Anaconda Vice, but ‘Taker shrugs him off like a case of fleas.

‘Taker chokeslams Bryan inside of the ring, but Punk breaks it up. Punk is laughing, but walks into KANE! These two masters of their arts better start prayers because the brothers of destructions are waiting to kill them off!

Undertaker to Daniel Bryan.

Kane to CM Punk.

STEREO TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVERS!

1-2-3!

90,000 people shit their pants with the loudest post-match pyrotechnic display ever seen. Undertaker and Kane as The Brothers of Destruction are announced as the winners as no less than 345 replays are shown of the high spots. In true form, the BOD look back at the crowd, turn their backs to them, and raise their arms in the air as if they were post-mortem members of the Nation of Domination.

With WrestleMania clocking in at four hours long, this match (w/ entrances and other gimmicks) could clock easily 30-35 minutes. It gives all four men plenty of exposure while keeping a competitive battleground. In an environment where most of the men here are either badly banged up and/or getting close to retirement, this is a great opportunity to mesh styles and gain respect the good ol’ fashioned way.

Now I wouldn’t expect this to be Undertaker’s last match. If anything, I am still clamoring him to face John Cena one-on-one before he officially retires. Kane’s time maybe limited, but Punk and Bryan I believe are just now starting to hit their primes.

At the end of the day however, it accomplishments will be aplenty. It takes the primary physical toll of a regular one-on-one match off of CM Punk and Undertaker. It allows Kane and Undertaker to finally be a tag team at WrestleMania. It also allows Daniel Bryan to hook up with Undertaker at least once in his career. It also proves that big-name tag matches not only have a place on the big show card, but can also raise the legend of the card for years to come.

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WWE 2013 Predictions

Happy new year everybody!

As per the norm this time of year, everyone is making de facto predictions of what will happen in the coming months. Some of it is positive, most of it negative, but nevertheless interesting.

WWE in 2012 felt interesting yet stale at the same time. There was an emergence of superstars like Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, Daniel Bryan, and others to the foreground. Some of these men were on the rise, while others like Ryback caught fire immediately.

CM Punk’s year was far from normal. He started off the year beloved WWE Champion who took on all comers. He ended the year as vilified WWE Champion who scoured underneath Paul Heyman. No matter what the character traits were, there were consistently great matches happening all across the board.

John Cena however had a year overbearingly par for the course. He was all over the main events, ranging in quality from shit to epic. Even when he was injured, Cena was still on all the shows every week. Overexposure at its worst, and this interprets that WWE doesn’t have the confidence to allow anyone else in the spotlight. This would be the perfect time for WWE to lean back, take a breath, and let Cena take an extended vacation. More on this in a bit.

Big Show had a nice rebound in the second half after a floundering first half. His stale monster bit led to an atrocious firing angle which then culminated in a heel turn. That heel turn however led to a different Show than what we are used to seeing. Not only can this monster be serious, but he can also match wits with guys like Sheamus. He is convincing, dangerous, and shockingly cunning.

Speaking of SHEAMUS. He had a great year, no doubt about it. He was World Heavyweight Champion majority of the year. His match quality has risen dramatically, and being paired with guys like Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio can only help. The biggest complaint is that he is too much like the babyface WWE wants, and that is a jerk douche whose actions lean on the bullying side. Remember, BE A STAR! All things considered, Sheamus needs to find a balance character-wise, but his in-ring work can be effective with anyone.

Daniel Bryan has been able to use fundamental elements of a sentence, ‘YES’ and ‘NO’, as catchphrases to get over. That only scrapes the surface with this guy. He has been a proven hand wrestling people with the sets varying from CM Punk to Kane. Sure he lost the WHC in eighteen seconds at ‘Mania this past year, but that might have actually helped him be more over with the fans than where he was.

Speaking of Kane, that tag team duo of ‘TEAM HELL NO’ has been strangely captivating all year. From the therapy sessions to their dysfunctional tag team style, Kane and Bryan have been able to gel their abilities into one destructive force. While WWE will predictably break this team up soon, let’s all revel in probably the most entertaining team in the last six or seven years.

Dolph Ziggler has spent all of 2010, 2011, and 2012 as a guy on the outside looking in. His mic work is improving, and he bumps like no one else in the WWE. However, 2013 needs to be HIS YEAR. Cash that briefcase, win that title, defend that title, BECOME THAT LEGEND. He’s next, and I’m talking about victims for Goldberg’s spear!

Ryback. Big, hungry, over pushed hoss. The only reason why I accept him in the main event is because the fans are fully behind him. No seagull pops for this guy! I will also admit he did a fair share of work at TLC in that epic six-man match. A big hungry monster is all I see him as, not as a representative of the WWE as WWE Champion for an extended period.

That all being said, with some recaps of 2012 in the books, let’s take a proverbial look into the crystal ball.

Right now, WWE is about to go through a motion of the last three or four years of ‘Mania time. The TV shows between now and mid-April are going to be STACKED. All of the big names contracted to work ‘Mania will show up every week, and then disappear again. This will leave the WWE in yet another quandary.

The mid-card needs to be reborn in 2013. While it seems obvious that this is already taking place, the bottom could fall out of the main event scene at any time. Guys like John Cena and Randy Orton have been with the WWE over a decade now. Their bodies aren’t getting any younger. Big Show just turned 40, and lord knows about the wear and tear on him. Of all main eventers right now, Sheamus is by far the healthiest looking option, but his overexposure could be a problem one day.

Time for Dolph to rise.

Time for Kofi to make something happen.

Hell, Ryback could be a quickie champion if need be.

For 2013, we need a revolution. WWE needs to evolve with the times, and now will be as good a time as any to start. Too much young talent is waiting in the wings while main event talent could break at any second. TIME TO GET MOVING!

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CM Punk Is NOT The Bad Guy!

(‘EY YOO!)

When CM Punk attacked The Rock on RAW 1000, I was actually cheering for the Second City Saint.

While much has been talked about on WWE television concerning the manner, there is one part of the angle that hasn’t been discussed yet, and quite honestly I’m shocked.

Let’s watch the ‘initial’ pipe-bomb of Punk’s again:

The video above cuts to the point (or 4:50 if it botches) where Punk mentions how Dwayne (Johnson) is in the main event of Wrestlemania for 2012, and he isn’t. A dangerous little bit of foreshadowing for sure, and it doesn’t help that Punk actually defended the WWE Championship on that particular program.

Let’s all get back to RAW 1000, shall we?

CM Punk enters the ring after Daniel Bryan got dumped at the altar. How ‘bout that AJ has General Manager of RAW, eh? Anyways, Punk tells Bryan that yeah, you got stood up, get the hell out of my ring because I’m the best. Bryan then notes how he is the best and out comes Rock. Rock badmouths Bryan, and then gives him a wedding present (aka Rock Bottom).

This all happens while Punk stands in the background as a passerby. As WWE Champion no less.

So where I see the next few months is this: Punk defends the title at SummerSlam against Big Show and John Cena, where he is the tweener. Punk will be a tweener for the summer plus fall, and only be a heel temporarily for the Rock angle. Kind of like Shawn Michaels in 2005 with Hogan’s story, only to be turned face again by Chris Masters.

This is one of those rare times where though the crowd will ultimately decide the deposition of a particular character, I’m going to state again I agree with CM Punk.

Imagine being one of the hardest working men, year in and year out. Accolades are plentiful, and the gimmick infectious. Somehow, you get upstaged by a guy who quite frankly only comes in for the infrequent pop? And he gets a bigger piece of the poontang pie than you? (Bret Hart must be thinking, yeah, this is what Hogan did to me!) Punk has every right to be upset, and in continuity to the pipe bomb, I hope he kicks Rock’s ass at the Rumble.

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DVD Corner

There are two major pre-orders available that are sure to be must-buys.

The first up for grabs is CM Punk: Best in the World. This collection (3 discs for DVD, 2 for Blu-ray) features a nearly two-hour documentary on the life and career of one Phil Brooks (no relation to anti-Straight Edge Roaster Foster Brooks). A teaser trailer released not too long ago had interviews by many people not normally seen on compilations, like Curt Hawkins and COLT CABANA! In addition, there are multiple bonus matches that span Punk’s relatively short time in WWE, ranging from OVW to his soon-to-be legendary match with Bryan at Over the Limit. Here’s a list of what to expect on the set, courtesy of Amazon.com:

Disc 1

A New Day Spaceboy Backyard Fame Taking to the Road Launching Pad Constantly Learning Dark Cloud Not The Prototype Outcast Champion Having Fun A Challenge Saving Society Frustrated Beyond Belief Hometown High-Pressured Situation The MAN Special Features High School Sports CM Punk - The Name Scull Fracture OVW vs. Albright From Extra to Champion December to Dismember The Hat "The Most Insulting Thing You Could Say To Me" A Conversation with Liars Title in the Fridge Natalie's T-Shirt "Teenage Anarchist"

Disc 2

Finals Match in the OVW World Heavyweight Tournament Brent Albright vs. CM Punk OVW 3/1/06 CM Punk's WWE in Ring Debut vs. Justin Credible ECW 8/1/06 ECW Championship Last Chance Match CM Punk vs. John Morrison ECW 9/4/07 Money in the Bank Ladder Match Wrestlemania 24 World Tag Team Championship Match CM Punk and Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase RAW 10/27/08 No DQ Match for IC Championship CM Punk vs. William Regal RAW 1/19/09

Disc 3

TLC Match for World Heavyweight Championship CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy Summerslam 2009 CM Punk's Hair vs. Rey Mysterio Joining SES CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio Over the Limit 2010 WWE Championship Match CM Punk vs. John Cena Money in the Bank 2011 WWE Championship Match CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho Wrestlemania 28 WWE Championship Match CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan Over the Limit 2012

Blu-Ray Extras No plan B Saxophone Easter Greeting Chicken Wings and Apple Pie Most Recognizable Tattoo Fish Tattoo Traveling with Ace No Microphone ECW Arena Match Hanging with Eddie Guerrero Trainer Driving Away With the Title Wrestling Camp "They're Gonna Hate Me" Six People, 1 Room I'm a Paul Heyman guy The Marathon @CMPunk The Bus Tour Kofi's Challenge Wrestlemania Day A Day at the Ball Field True Respect Finals Match in the IC Championship Tournament CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio Armageddon 2008

While the matches may leave people wanting, the documentary is a sure-fire draw. If this is even half as good as Stone Cold’s, The Rock’s, Shawn Michaels’, or ECW’s, you’re in for a treat!

The second option available maybe a retread, but a very worthy one. Brock Lesnar: Here Comes the Pain was a documentary originally produced in 2003, when Brockamania was at its peak. Now with his return to the WWE, Brock’s career is being touched up on. There is going to be about a half hour worth of additional footage added to the existing piece, making this more comprehensive than last time. While extra matches have yet to be announced, do not be surprised if a lot of Smackdown matches from 2002-2004 are included, as well as the brawl between Cena and Lesnar at this past year’s Extreme Rules. I would laugh my ass off if they include Brock’s mariachi band segment from 2004, as it really showed off how much of a dick Lesnar could be. I’d also laugh if the Goldberg match from Wrestlemania XX is included with Lesnar quipping how bad the match is (ala Mick Foley about the Kennel from Hell from ‘Hard Knocks & Cheap Pops’). I’ve only seen the original documentary once and it was good, so with this updated material, it has the makings of a classic.

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Hey, my birthday is less than a week away. Time to see what other match could I review…

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The “Ace in the Hole”: Why Big Show’s Turn Was Genius

For all the crap we give him, the (breathes deeply) Executive Vice President of Talent Relations & the Permanent General Manager of RAW and SMACKDOWN (exhales) John Laurinaitis knows how to line his ducks in a row.

Just a couple of weeks ago on RAW, Big Show found himself in a pickle with Mr. Ace. After being caught imitating the GM’s voice, Show was forced to apologize for his actions. Show apologized, but not to the specifications Ace wanted.

After a week of torment, up to and including a screwjob loss to Daniel Bryan, Show executed an acting job worthy of either an Emmy or a Raspberry, depending on who you talk to. Show went to his knees, eyes flowing, begging to keep his job. Ace wasn’t impressed, and let the door hit Show in the ass on the way out figuratively.

When Big Show arrived at Over the Limit, it seemed like his interference one way or another was inevitable. He wasn’t a member of the roster, and in street clothes, looked quite dapper to be doing anything physical.

After dragging Ace’s sorry ass back into the ring, Show was about to murder him. Show gave courtesy to Ace’s opponent, John Cena, and let Cena attempt the Attitude Adjustment.

Only the Attitude Adjustment turned out to be Big Show’s right hand to John Cena’s face.

Hey, what did five fingers say to the face?

SLAP!

It was revealed Show had a verbal agreement with Laurinaitis going into Over the Limit, but had not been affiliated with the roster. Ace botched that on RAW, but it was covered up by WWE and their Twitter people.

(Speaking of which, follow @BadBooking on Twitter today! Please?)

Cena and Show will battle at No Way Out on June 17th. While most fans (including myself) balk at seeing this feud play out AGAIN, at least the motivation behind the story makes sense. As long as the series of matches is one and done, I have no problem with it.

Just make sure it doesn’t main event, PLEASE?

In a stat even weird for WWE standards, the WWE and/or World Heavyweight Championship(s) have not main evented a single Pay-Per-View this calendar year. John Cena has main evented four consecutive events (Kane/Elimination Chamber, Rock/Wrestlemania, Brock Lesnar/Extreme Rules, John Laurinaitis/Over the Limit) in non-title affairs, while the Royal Rumble match headlined the Royal Rumble.

At least the winner of the Rumble “headlined” Wrestlemania, in a eighteen second squash opener!

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And now, here is a long version of Bruce Springsteen’s “Prove it All Night”. The song is off “Darkness on the Edge of Town”, but this legendary concert performance will almost make you forget about the vinyl!

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The Double-Turn of the Century: Daniel Bryan and Sheamus

While I may have been away from doing this blog for a while, it doesn’t mean I have been away from keeping tabs on WWE.

Noticing what I have seen on the tube, It seems like the company has quite the quandary on its hands.

Sheamus is “that guy” on the WWE roster right now. He is a white-meat, always-smiling, never-do-wrong babyface with a world title to boot. He is being pushed to the moon and no one is seemingly going to stop him.

Enter Daniel Bryan.

Bryan is conniving coward heel that Sheamus defeated for the World Heavyweight Championship. Not only was the defeat on the grandest stage of all (WrestleMania), but also it was accomplished in a bizarrely quick fashion of 18 seconds!

Now when the heel gets defeated, the normal routine is to celebrate in the splendor of the face.

This didn’t happen.

Instead, the combined crowds of Wrestlemania and the post-‘Mania RAW voiced their displeasure. In addition to chastising the Booger Red, they also made him incur the wrath of multiple ‘YES’ chants, a chant made popular by Bryan in the first place.

Or in this case, SI!

The biggest problem though seem to be the taped Smackdowns. Sheamus’ reactions were so negative, that WWE has loudly dub the boos over with those crappy seagull pops. Never mind the fact the ARENA (as in all of them since ‘Mania) is still heavily cheering for Bryan. On the other side of the coin, Daniel has done some heelish things, like breaking up with AJ, however the crowd just showers their affections to the guy.

Some of WWE’s best decisions have come listening to the fans. Like Stone Cold Steve Austin for example, who was turned face for his anti-establishment rebel behavior. Even Honky Tonk Man was originally a face, until fans literally told the WWE to turn him heel.

Seriously, an Elvis impersonator as a face? Who wudda thunk it?

Going into Extreme Rules, there is one thing the WWE could possibly do: double-turn!

This is how I would do it, keep in mind the match is 2-out-of-3 Falls.

FALL ONE: The match starts ironically with a Brogue Kick, but Bryan kicks out at 2. The crowd cheers wildly as Bryan battles back the Great White. After a ram in the post, Sheamus has his left shoulder worked over. Bryan even manages to apply the ‘YES’ lock, but the Irishman gets to the ropes. A generic finisher ends this fall: Bryan starts hammering on Sheamus in the second rope, but Sheamus traps him into a Celtic Cross, and barely covers him for three.

FALL TWO: Sheamus thinks he has the upper hand, but Bryan nearly gets a ‘chicken’ 3 count. Sheamus is enraged, and starts beating the crap out of Bryan. So much so that the ref has no choice but to DQ Sheamus, and give the fall to Bryan to even it all out. To keep up with continuity, Sheamus nearly wants to kick off the head of the ref, but thinks better of it.

FALL THREE: Sheamus just dominates Bryan. Before you think this is a squash, let me remind you there is a point to this. The crowd is so against Sheamus now they want to rip HIS head off! After a second Brogue Kick, Sheamus starts laughing. Then puts on a serious face. This hostile Chicago  crowd is now in a frenzy as the crazed Irishman now kicks off the head of Bryan for a poetic THIRD time, and finishes him. A huge chant of ‘NO’ comes from this crowd as Sheamus has successfully retained the title.

As Sheamus is walking up the ramp with belt in hand, AJ is running down. Although she has been absolutely berated by Bryan over the kiss at Wrestlemania, she never gives up hope on a reconciliation.

AJ looks at the fallen man in the ring and starts crying as Sheamus’ music stops playing. She even kisses Bryan briefly, but quickly wonders why she did it. Bryan starts to come to, and realizes she’s in the ring.

Unlike the past few weeks where Bryan was vocally approved for dumping the girl, this time the crowd wants to see something called the Seven Year Rule.

Bryan gets up, and points at her. The crowd is non-stop in chanting ‘YES’. Bryan thinks of all the hardship done in the last month or so stemming from ‘Mania, thinking can he go back from it. Looking at the crowd, Bryan can either really dump her or take her back.

He takes her back.

As the crowd is in joy over this, it should be noted that Sheamus and Bryan have now double-turned and their feud would be on-and-off for the rest of the summer. It should lead to a Summerslam match where an unstoppable monster in Sheamus is finally clocked by Bryan in the lock of YES. That would begin a big ‘feel-good’ run for Bryan, as multiple men would underestimate the technical master.

On a side note, it should be stated that two ‘Seven Year Rule’ theorems have been accomplished here. One is for the fact that Bryan/AJ is a direct descendant of Savage/Liz, including the wedding that should happen at whatever the July PPV is named. Second, the double-turn would happen at the Rosemont Horizon, the same building that Steve Austin and Bret Hart did their well-known double-turn at.

While WWE will most likely keep status quo this Sunday, please take this as a ‘bizarro world’ post as one Jerry Lawler would call it. How to make a seemingly hot event volcanic in nature? This post, right here!

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